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Why women lie
Author Susan Shapiro Barash and relationship expert Argie Allen discuss the reasons females are carrying around deep, dark secrets.
And so obviously women do it deliberately. They think about it.
Well, you, you interviewed, uh.. I guess you put it on Craigslist. Right ? You asked women to contact. And, well, how many you did? Five hundred?
I actually have a contact list, I used 500 women's. I actually had more women than that. To answer the item, they were from all across the country, different ages; social strata; ethnicity and they all started the interview by saying to me: “Yes, I lie in some way. I feel I have to. ”
And they all what.. they lie about everything from sex to marriage, to work, to finances, everything, across the board. You have one woman who talked about shoplifting with her kids. Tell me about that.
That was a disturbing story. This was a young woman who had young children. And she thought if she got caught she could account for it. So she said she would put them in a cart. She would take them and she would steal small things and she thought if they stopped her she would say: “ Well, it was such a hectic day and I have my children with me.” That’s an acceptable lie when you think you can explain it that way.
So , Argie when it starts going down that path, it can be very very dangerous. And you say what you need to do is get to the root of the problem. The root of the problem is that, the secret or the lie or..?
The root of the problem is the secret, not necessarily the lie. The lie is the behavior. But many people, just as Susan said, we're trained to lie. And most people as you say. You know how many people have never lied? If they tell you they’ve never lied, that’s lying because most people have lied about something. So get to the root of the problem which is the secret and why they are perpetuating a lie. And it might be that their mother or their father who never, you know, don’t hurt their feelings, or every woman has to have their mad money. And really in all reality that then perpetuates the practice of a lie. But really it’s the secret and secret keeping, that’s not good for us.
And it actually can have an effect on your health.
Yeah, absolutely. When you think about it, holding a lie like perhaps maybe you are having an affair or holding a lie that you are mismanaging the money. That can have a toll on you physically, emotionally, spiritually and if you are holding those big secrets then you’re moving away from your own truth.
But all women kept so good at the lie and that they just lay the lie. (Again, it is dangerous)They have to really face it and says just isn’t helpful anymore. It’s harming me. It’s harming someone close to me.
But when you have so many layers, it’s awfully hard to peel them back and finally reveal the truth. Because your whole life is living.
That’s the problem. And that’s this lie that once enabled to you is now not helping . For instance, I interviewed a woman her brother was a drug-addict. So she gave him money and her mother gave him money. But finally they had to face that he needed help and that they weren’t helping him and that the family secret has to be let out.
And before we go, I mean men lie, too. That’s the. Right about that.
Not just women.
They are just not as good either.
Well, they don’t think necessarily through, but my thing is tell somebody about it. Especially if it’s a deep dark secret, you've got let that go because otherwise that’s gonna hold on to you. And it will affects the rest of your relationship.
At least tell one person. Alright, Argie, thank you very much. Susan as well.
