This is such, I can't tell you how fun it is. If you ever wanna take a night off, I will do the show.

Go ahead, right now. Right now. All you have to do is, well sit there.

Move over.

Well, you could interview me, but...

Good, you sit here, I'll sit there.

Nah.

You're afraid, aren't you?

What? I'm afraid of what?

You're afraid.

I'm afraid of what? Wait, wait, don't start.

You're afraid. You're afraid that one of the suits will tune in magically to see about Pepto Bismol Commercial.

You come on, come on. All right, come on in, help yourself, there you go.

I have a great guest…

Let me tell you about my movie.

Well, I, have a great guest tonight, Craig Ferguson, one of the classically night entertainers. Do you miss Scotland? You think about Scotland much?

No, no, not at all.

Why not?

I just get on the plane and it goes right there. Every single time, I've landed right on it.

Your planes go non-stop to Scotland?

Plane's go to…from New York they go, they don't go from Los Angeles. You know why?

Why?

Because it's too far.

Were you a funny kid?

No, nor am I a funny adult, so…

You were not a funny kid?

No, I wasn't really, no. It didn't do to be you, but you should be, oh, look, it says Craig Ferguson. Ah...

No, it doesn't. You see, they are not sure.

They are not sure.

Oh, yeah, it says.

The Late Late Show with "to whom it may concede".

Look how small that is.

Yeah, I know.

They can take that off in a minute.

Oh, sure.

I'm not kidding you, Larry. I could leave and they'd be like “Have we met?”

I have no doubt about it. In fact, I'm convinced.

If they tuned it on, they'd be like “Oh, when did Larry start on that network?”

Oh, I'm so glad we signed him.

Yeah, yeah. I bet their ratings just went up.

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