You like to think of yourself as a good friend, but are you really? If you’re not sure, it’s time to think about what makes a true pal.

You Will Need

Patience

Self-control

Selflessness

Step 1: Be willing to listen

Always be willing to listen to what the other person is telling you, even if sometimes it’s boring or makes you uncomfortable.

Step 2: Don’t be judgmental

Don’t be judgmental. Try to see your friend’s point of view. If you’re going to disagree, do it respectfully.

Don’t give advice without being asked, or first asking if your friend would like your counsel. Sometimes people just want to vent.

Step 3: Speak up

That said, if your friend is doing something that is hurting her or someone else, you must speak up. Forcefully.

Step 4: Don’t interrupt

Don’t interrupt your friend. Cutting someone off shows that you are more interested in what you want to say than what they are telling you.

Step 5: Be there when they need help

Be there when they need help. Nothing ends a friendship faster than abandoning a friend in her time of need.

Step 6: Be thoughtful

Be thoughtful. If you’re shopping and see a small item a buddy would like, buy it. Send cards just to let your friends know you value them.

Step 7: Don’t take your friends for granted

Don’t take your friends for granted. If you hear yourself thinking, “She’s my friend; she won’t mind,” stop and reconsider. It is precisely because she’s your friend that you shouldn’t take advantage of her.

Good friends may help you live longer—one study found subjects with a wide circle of friends outlived loners by 22%!