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I thought a lot about the mother of one disabled child I had seen,
我想起我见过的一个残疾孩子的母亲
a severely disabled child who died through caregiver neglect.
这个有严重残疾的孩子，因为照料不周而去世
And when his ashes were interred, his mother said,
当他的骨灰被安葬的时候，他的母亲说
"I pray here for forgiveness for having been twice robbed,
"我在这里祈祷宽恕，我失去了两个
once of the child I wanted and once of the son I loved."
一个是我想要的孩子，一个是我所爱着的儿子”
And I figured it was possible then for anyone to love any child
我以为任何一个人，都可以去爱任何孩子
if they had the effective will to do so.
如果他们有能力就会这样做
So my husband is the biological father of two children
我的丈夫是，两个孩子的亲生父亲
with some lesbian friends in Minneapolis.
这两个孩子的母亲是，他在明尼阿波利斯市的女同性恋朋友
I had a close friend from college who'd gone through a divorce and wanted to have children.
我大学时期有一个亲密的朋友，她离了婚却也想要孩子
And so she and I have a daughter,
所以我和她生了一个女儿
and mother and daughter live in Texas.
母亲和女儿居住在德克萨斯州
And my husband and I have a son who lives with us all the time
我丈夫和我有个儿子，和我们一起生活
of whom I am the biological father,
我是他的生父
and our surrogate for the pregnancy was Laura,
为我们代孕的女士是劳拉
the lesbian mother of Oliver and Lucy in Minneapolis.
她是明尼阿波利斯市奥利弗和露西的，女同性恋母亲
So the shorthand is five parents of four children in three states.
五位父母，生了四个孩子，生活在三个不同的州
And there are people who think that the existence of my family
当然有些人会认为，这样的家庭的存在
somehow undermines or weakens or damages their family.
在某种程度上破坏或削弱，甚至损害了他们的家庭
And there are people who think that families like mine
也有些人认为，像我们这样的家庭
shouldn't be allowed to exist.
不应该被允许存在
And I don't accept subtractive models of love, only additive ones.
我不接受消减中的爱，只求递增的爱
And I believe that in the same way that we need species diversity
同时我也相信，我们需要物种的多样性
to ensure that the planet can go on,
来确保地球可以延续下去
so we need this diversity of affection and diversity of family
因此，我们需要，这种多样化的感情和家庭
in order to strengthen the ecosphere of kindness.
来强化仁慈的生物圈
The day after our son was born,
在我们儿子出生后的第二天
the pediatrician came into the hospital room and said she was concerned.
儿科医生走进病房说，她很担心
He wasn't extending his legs appropriately.
他没有适当地伸展他的双腿
She said that might mean that he had brain damage.
她说这可能意味着他有脑损伤
In so far as he was extending them, he was doing so asymmetrically,
当他伸腿时，又很不对称
which she thought could mean that there was a tumor of some kind in action.
她以为这可能意味着，有某种类型的肿瘤
And he had a very large head, which she thought might indicate hydrocephalus.
他的头非常大，她认为这可能意味着他有脑积水
And as she told me all of these things,
当她告诉我这些事情的时候
I felt the very center of my being pouring out onto the floor.
我觉得我的身体要倒下去似的
And I thought, here I had been working for years
我想，我花很多年写的书
on a book about how much meaning people had found
关于人们养育残疾子女的经验
in the experience of parenting children who are disabled,
给他们带来了怎样的意义
and I didn't want to join their number.
但我还是不想加入他们
Because what I was encountering was an idea of illness.
我想到的是疾病
And like all parents since the dawn of time,
就像所有的父母那样，从孩子出生那刻起
I wanted to protect my child from illness.
我想要我的孩子健康
And I wanted also to protect myself from illness.
同时我也想自己远离疾病
And yet, I knew from the work I had done
我的工作经验让我得知
that if he had any of the things we were about to start testing for,
如果经过哪些检查，发现他有什么问题
that those would ultimately be his identity,
那将永久成为他的特性
and if they were his identity they would become my identity,
如果这是他的特性，也将会是我的特性
that that illness was going to take a very different shape as it unfolded.
这将不同于病症最初呈现的那样
We took him to the MRI machine, we took him to the CAT scanner,
我们带他做核磁共振，带他做计算机化X射线轴向分层造影
we took this day-old child and gave him over for an arterial blood draw.
我们带着这个出生仅一天的孩子做动脉抽血
We felt helpless.
我们感到无助
And at the end of five hours,
五个小时后，
they said that his brain was completely clear
医生们说他的大脑完全没问题
and that he was by then extending his legs correctly.
也可以完全正常伸展他的双腿
And when I asked the pediatrician what had been going on,
当我问儿科医生这是怎么回事，
she said she thought in the morning he had probably had a cramp.
她说，她觉得早上他可能抽筋了
But I thought how my mother was right.
我认为我的母亲是正确的
I thought, the love you have for your children
我以为你对自己孩子的爱
is unlike any other feeling in the world,
是不同于世界上任何其他感觉的
and until you have children, you don't know what it feels like.
直到你有孩子，你才知道那是什么样的感觉
I think children had ensnared me
我想是孩子让我
the moment I connected fatherhood with loss.
认为自己不是个称职的父亲
But I'm not sure I would have noticed that
但我不确定自己会注意到
if I hadn't been so in the thick of this research project of mine.
要不是我做了这么繁复的研究项目，
I'd encountered so much strange love,
我遇到了太多奇怪的爱，
and I fell very naturally into its bewitching patterns.
然后我很自然地陷入其迷人的模式
And I saw how splendor can illuminate even the most abject vulnerabilities.
我看到光彩如何照亮最不幸的脆弱之处
During these 10 years, I had witnessed and learned
在这10年期间，我曾目睹和了解到
the terrifying joy of unbearable responsibility,
那些难以承受的责任，
and I had come to see how it conquers everything else.
我也看到了它如何克服一切苦难
And while I had sometimes thought the parents I was interviewing were fools,
我曾经有时会想，我正在采访的父母是傻瓜
enslaving themselves to a lifetime's journey with their thankless children
让自己踏上给不知感恩的孩子们一生为奴的旅程
and trying to breed identity out of misery,
试图从痛苦中获得身份认同
I realized that day that my research had built me a plank
我意识到，从研究开始那天起，我已建造了一块踏板
and that I was ready to join them on their ship.
随时准备着与他们同舟共济
Thank you.
谢谢
