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I was, in the 1960s, in a marriage.
60年代我结婚了，
To use the word bad would be perhaps the understatement of the year.
用“糟糕透了”这个词都不足以形容
It was dreadful.
简直是糟糕极了。
There are, I'm sure, enough divorced people in this room
我相信在座的就有离婚的人
to know about the hostility, the anger, who knows what.
知道那种敌意、愤怒，谁知道呢。
Being someone who had had a very difficult childhood,
我有不堪的童年经历，
a very difficult adolescence -- it had to do with not quite poverty but close.
青春期也很痛苦，虽然不是穷困潦倒，也差不多。
It had to do with being brought up in a family where no one spoke English,
生长在一个无人说英语的家庭里，
no one could read or write English.
没人能读或写英语。
It had to do with death and disease and lots of other things.
亲人经历了疾病和死亡，还有其他的不幸
I was a little prone to depression.
我有点抑郁的倾向。
So, as things got worse, as we really began to hate each other,
所以事情变得越来越糟，我们开始相互憎恨，
I became progressively depressed over a period of a couple of years,
我在那几年里逐渐变得抑郁，
trying to save this marriage, which was inevitably not to be saved.
虽努力挽救婚姻，但却无法挽救。
Finally, I would schedule -- all my major surgical cases,
最后，我所有的大手术，
I was scheduling them for 12, one o'clock in the afternoon,
都安排在中午12点，下午1点
because I couldn't get out of bed before about 11 o'clock.
因为我无法在上午11点前起床。
And anybody who's been depressed here knows what that's like.
在座有过抑郁症的人都能了解。
I couldn't even pull the covers off myself.
我甚至没力气把被子掀开。
Well, you're in a university medical center,
我是在大学附属医疗中心，
where everybody knows everybody, and it's perfectly clear to my colleagues,
大家都很熟，我的同事们都知道我，
so my referrals began to decrease.
所以我转接病人减少。
As my referrals began to decrease,
当我的病人越来越少的时候，
I clearly became increasingly depressed until I thought, my God, I can't work anymore.
我变得更加抑郁，一直到我发现，天呢，我不能再工作了。
And, in fact, it didn't make any difference because I didn't have any patients anymore.
事实上这对我也没什不同，因为我也没有病人了。
So, with the advice of my physician,
所以，接受我医师的建议，
I had myself admitted to the acute care psychiatric unit of our university hospital.
我住进了我们大学医院的急性精神病治疗科。
And my colleagues, who had known me since medical school in that place, said,
那些从医学院就认识我的同事们告诉我
"Don't worry, chap. Six weeks, you're back in the operating room. Everything's going to be great."
“不要担心，伙计，6周，你就会回到手术室。一切都会好的。”
Well, you know what bovine stercus is?
你知道什么是扯淡吗？
That proved to be a lot of bovine stercus.
这些话就是扯淡。
I know some people who got tenure in that place with lies like that.
我知道有些人就靠这些谎言才有了终身教授的名头。
So I was one of their failures.
我是他们谎言的活证。
But it wasn't that simple.
事情不是那么简单。
Because by the time I got out of that unit, I was not functional at all.
因为后来我出了院，根本就没有对我起作用。
I could hardly see five feet in front of myself.
我几乎看不到我面前5英尺的东西。
I shuffled when I walked. I was bowed over.
我拖着脚走路，我弯着腰。
I rarely bathed. I sometimes didn't shave. It was dreadful.
我几乎不洗澡，也不刮胡子。太糟糕了。
And it was clear -- not to me,
我的状况很明显—我自己不知道
because nothing was clear to me at that time anymore --
我当时什么都不知道—
that I would need long-term hospitalization in that awful place called a mental hospital.
明显我需要长期的入院治疗，住进在那个糟糕的叫做精神病院的地方。
So I was admitted, in 1973, in the spring of 1973,
所以1973年春天我住院了，
to the Institute of Living, which used to be called the Hartford Retreat.
住在Living学院，以前被称作哈特福特疗养院。
It was founded in the eighteenth century,
Living学院18世纪建成，
the largest psychiatric hospital in the state of Connecticut,
是康涅狄格州除了大型医院外
other than the huge public hospitals that existed at that time.
最大的精神病院，在当时是这样的
