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I used to have this recurring dream where I'd walk into a roomful of people, and I'd try not to make eye contact with anyone.
我过去常常做同一个梦 我走进一间站满人的房间 不去跟任何一个人对视
Until someone notices me, and I just panic.
直到有个人注意到我 我内心很慌乱
And the person walks up to me, and says, "Hi, my name is So-and-so.
然后这个人走到我跟前说 嗨 我叫某某某
And what is your name?" And I'm just quiet, unable to respond.
你叫什么?” 我什么也答不上来
After some awkward silence, he goes, "Have you forgotten your name?" And I'm still quiet.
尴尬的沉默后，他继续问道，“你忘了自己的名字吗？” 我还是保持沉默
And then, slowly, all the other people in the room begin to turn toward me and ask, almost in unison,
然后屋子里其他的人也开始慢慢地转向我 几乎同时问道
"Have you forgotten your name?"
你忘了自己叫什么了吗
As the chant gets louder, I want to respond, but I don't. I'm a visual artist.
声音越来越大，我很想回答，但是答不出口。我是个视觉艺术家。
Some of my work is humorous, and some is a bit funny but in a sad way.
我的工作有时候很幽默，有时候却是黑色幽默。
And one thing that I really enjoy doing is making these little animations where I get to do the voice-over for all kinds of characters.
我最喜欢做的一件事就是制作这些小动画 然后给动画里的各种角色配音
I've been a bear. Hi.
我为熊配过音 你好。
I've been a whale. Hi.
我为鲸鱼配过音。你好。
I've been a greeting card. Hi.
我还为贺卡配过音。你好。
And my personal favorite is Frankenstein's monster. Grunts
而我个人最喜欢的是科学怪人。咕噜
I just had to grunt a lot for that one.
这一个 我只需要发出咕噜咕噜的声音。
A few years ago, I made this educational video about the history of video games.
几年前 我做过一个教育片 是关于电子游戏史的。
And for that one, I got to do the voice of Space Invader. Hi.
在那部片子里，我为太空侵略者配音。你好。
A dream come true, really,
我的梦想实现了，真的。
And when that video was posted online, I just sat there on the computer, hitting "refresh," excited to see the response.
当这段视频被传到网上之后 我只坐在电脑前 不停地按刷新键 当看到回复时我很兴奋
The first comment comes in. Great job. Yes! I hit "refresh."
第一个评论是这样说的：干得不错。太好了！我接着敲“刷新”键，
Excellent video. I look forward to the next one.
很棒的视频，期待你的下一部作品。
This was just the first of a two-part video.
这只是那段视频的前半部分
I was going to work on the second one next. I hit "refresh."
我正在准备着制作下半部。我再敲“刷新”键
Where is part two? where? I need it now!
下半部在哪儿 在哪儿啊 我现在就想看到
People other than my mom were saying nice things about me, on the Internet!
除了我妈以外，所有人都在夸我。这可是在网络上啊！
It felt like I had finally arrived. I hit "refresh."
我感觉像获得了最终的胜利一样。我继续敲“刷新”键，
His voice is annoying. No offense. OK, no offense taken. Refresh.
他的声音真不好听，别介意啊。好好好，不介意，刷新。
Could you remake this without peanut butter in your mouth?
你能不含着花生酱再录一次吗
OK, at least the feedback is somewhat constructive. Hit "refresh."
这个反馈勉强算是有点用。接着刷新。
Please don't use this narrator again u can barely understand him. Refresh.
别再用这个人配音了，根本听不懂他在说什么。刷新。
Couldn't follow because of the Indian accent. OK, OK, OK, two things.
这印度口音让人根本听不清。好吧好吧，我就说两件事，
Number one, I don't have an Indian accent, I have a Pakistani accent, OK?
第一，我没有印度口音，我是巴基斯坦口音好吗
And number two, I clearly have a Pakistani accent.
第二，我明显是巴基斯坦口音嘛。
But comments like that kept coming in, so I figured I should just ignore them and start working on the second part of the video.
像这样的评论越来越多 我决定无视他们 开始制作视频的下半部。
I recorded my audio, but every time I sat down to edit, I just could not do it.
我录下了音频 但每次我想剪辑的时候 我就是做不下去。
Every single time, it would take me back to my childhood, when I had a much harder time speaking.
每一次 这都让我想起我小时候 那时我说话更糟糕。
I've stuttered for as long as I can remember.
我说话一直都结结巴巴的。
I was the kid in class who would never raise his hand when he had a question or knew the answer.
我就是班里那种从不举手提问也从不回答问题的学生。
Every time the phone rang, I would run to the bathroom so I would not have to answer it.
每一次电话铃声响起 我就会跑到厕所 这样就可以不用接电话了。
If it was for me, my parents would say I'm not around.
如果电话是找我的，我爸妈就会说我不在家。
I spent a lot of time in the bathroom.
我总是躲在厕所里。
And I hated introducing myself, especially in groups.
我最讨厌自我介绍 尤其是面对很多的人的时候。
I'd always stutter on my name, and there was usually someone who'd go, "Have you forgotten your name?"
我连自己的名字都说不顺 这时总会有人问 你连自己叫什么都不记得了吗
And then everybody would laugh. That joke never got old.
然后所有人都笑了。这个笑话一直伴随着我。
I spent my childhood feeling that if I spoke, it would become obvious that there was something wrong with me, that I was not normal.
小时候我总觉得，只要我一说话，别人就会觉得我有问题，觉得我不正常。
So I mostly stayed quiet.
于是我总是很安静。
And so you see, eventually for me to even be able to use my voice in my work was a huge step for me.
所以你看，把我自己的声音用到我的作品里，于我而言，已经是非常大的进步了。
Every time I record audio, I fumble my way through saying each sentence many, many times,
每当我录音的时候，我总是笨手笨脚的，一句话要说好多好多遍。
and then I go back in and pick the ones where I think I suck the least.
然后当我剪辑的时候，我就会挑一个我觉得最不糟糕的。
Audio editing is like Photoshop for your voice.
音频剪辑就像给你的声音Photoshop一样。
I can slow it down, speed it up, make it deeper, add an echo.
我给它减速、加速，让它变得深沉、加上回音。
And if I stutter along the way, and if I stutter along the way, I just go back in and fix it. It's magic.
如果我说得不顺畅，如果我说得不顺畅，我就重新再修改一遍。这就像魔法一样。
Using my highly edited voice in my work was a way for me to finally sound normal to myself.
将经过大幅度修饰的声音用到我的视频里，才能让我觉得自己的声音正常了一些。
But after the comments on the video, it no longer made me feel normal.
不过自从看了那些评论，这也不能让我觉得正常了。
And so I stopped using my voice in my work.
于是我不再把自己的声音用到视频里。
Since then, I've thought a lot about what it means to be normal.
自从那之后我思考了很多关于在人们眼中到底什么才算正常的问题
And I've come to understand that "normal" has a lot to do with expectations.
后来我开始理解了，所谓的“正常”与人们的期待值有关。
Let me give you an example.
举个例子吧，
I came across this story about the Ancient Greek writer, Homer.
我想到一个故事，是关于古希腊作家荷马的。
Now, Homer mentions very few colors in his writing.
在荷马的作品里只提到了非常少的几种颜色。
And even when he does, he seems to get them quite a bit wrong.
即使在描写颜色的时候，荷马笔下的颜色也和现代人的常识不尽相同。
For example, the sea is described as wine red, people's faces are sometimes green and sheep are purple.
比如说他笔下的海是酒红色的 人们的脸有的时候是绿色的 绵阳是紫色的
But it's not just Homer.
不光是荷马会这么写
If you look at all of the ancient literature Ancient Chinese, Icelandic, Greek, Indian and even the original Hebrew Bible they all mention very few colors.
纵观所有的古典文学你会发现 无论是古代中国、冰岛、希腊、印度的文学还是希伯来圣经 颜色都很少被提到
And the most popular theory for why that might be the case is that cultures begin to recognize a color only once they have the ability to make that color.
解释这一现象最流行的理论是 那可能是因为一种文化开始识别一种颜色的前提是他们已经有能力制造出这种颜色
So basically, if you can make a color, only then can you see it.
简单的说，你只有先制造出一种颜色，才能“看见”这种颜色。
A color like red, which was fairly easy for many cultures to make they began to see that color fairly early on.
像红色这种比较方便制造的颜色就能比较早的出现在各大文明的认知中。
But a color like blue, which was much harder to make many cultures didn't begin to learn how to make that color until much later.
但是像蓝色这种颜色是不太容易被制造出来的 很多文明直到很多年后才知道如何制造这种颜色
They didn't begin to see it until much later as well.
那么他们也只能在多年后才“看到”那种颜色
So until then, even though a color might be all around them, they simply did not have the ability to see it.
在一个颜色被制造出来之前就算它随处可见 人们也对它视而不见。
It was invisIble. It was not a part of their normal.
就好像这种颜色是隐形的一样 这种颜色不在人们“正常”的认知范畴里。
And that story has helped put my own experience into context.
这个说法和我的自身经历很契合。
So when I first read the comments on the video, my initial reaction was to take it all very personally.
当我第一次看到那些评论时，我的第一反应是那些评论都是针对我的。
But the people commenting did not know how self-conscious I am about my voice.
不过事实上那些评论者并不知道 我对自己的声音那么在意。
They were mostly reacting to my accent, that it is not normal for a narrator to have an accent.
他们的评论都是关于我的口音。他们认为一个带口音的配音者是不常见的、不正常的。
But what is normal, anyway?
不过话说回来，什么才算正常？
We know that reviewers will find more spelling errors in your writing if they think you're black.
评论家会在你的作品里挑出很多拼写错误，仅仅因为他认为你是个黑人。
We know that professors are less likely to help female or minority students.
教授会不那么情愿去辅导女学生、或者少数族裔学生。
And we know that resumes with white-sounding names get more callbacks than resumes with black-sounding names. Why is that?
一份有着看起来像是白人名字的简历，比起写着黑人名字的简历
Because of our expectations of what is normal.
这都是因为我们对常识的刻板印象。
We think it is normal when a black student has spelling errors.
常识告诉我们，黑人学生往往会有拼写错误。
We think it is normal when a female or minority student does not succeed.
常识告诉我们，女学生和少数族裔学生往往在学术领域少有建树。
And we think it is normal that a white employee is a better hire than a black employee.
常识告诉我们，一个白人员工往往要比黑人员工好。
But studies also show that discrimination of this kind, in most cases, is simply favoritism,
但是研究表明，像这一类的区别判断，通常只是偏见而无事实依据。
and it results more from wanting to help people that you can relate to than the desire to harm people that you can't relate to.
而这种偏见让我们倾向于去帮助同类，而伤害异类。
And not relating to people starts at a very early age.
人类在很小的时候就开始区分同类与异类。
Let me give you an example.
举个例子，
One library that keeps track of characters in the children's book collection every year,
一个图书馆追踪记录了每年出版的儿童图书册里的人物
they found that in 2014, only about 11 percent of the books had a character of color.
他们发现在2014年出版的儿童读物里 只有大约百分之十一的书使用了有色人种作为它们的角色
And just the year before, that number was about eight percent, even though half of American children today come from a minority background. Half.
但是在2013年 这个数值只有大约百分之八 尽管现在有一半的美国儿童拥有少数族裔背景 一半呀
So there are two big issues here.
这就导致了两个问题，
Number one, children are told that they can be anything, they can do anything,
第一，我们一方面告诉孩子们他们可以成为任何人 他们有能做任何事的潜力，
and yet, most stories that children of color consume are about people who are not like them.
然而大多数有色孩子们看到的故事是关于不太像他们的人的
Number two is that majority groups don't get to realize the great extent to which they are similar to minorities
第二，多数族裔的人没有意识到他们其实与少数族裔的人有很多相似之处
our everyday experiences, our hopes, our dreams, our fears and our mutual love for hummus. It's delicious!
我们的日常生活，我们的期待，我们的梦想，我们的恐惧，都是相似的。甚至我们对鹰嘴豆泥的喜好
Just like the color blue for Ancient Greeks, minorities are not a part of what we consider normal,
就像蓝色之于古希腊人，少数族裔之于我们的社会而言也不在“正常”的范畴之内。
because normal is simply a construction of what we've been exposed to, and how visible it is around us.
因为我们对“正常”的界定形成于日常生活之中，取决于我们的见识，
And this is where things get a bit difficult.
这就是症结所在。
I can accept the preexisting notion of normal -- that normal is good,
我可以选择认可所谓的“正常”所有在正常范畴内的都是好的，
and anything outside of that very narrow definition of normal is bad.
而在“正常”这个狭隘的定义之外一切都是不好的。
Or I can challenge that preexisting notion of normal with my work and with my voice
我也可以选择挑战所谓的“正常”，就凭着我的作品，我的声音，
and with my accent and by standing here onstage, even though I'm scared shitless and would rather be in the bathroom.
还有我的口音，以及我现在的演讲。尽管我现在紧张得要死，恨不得马上躲进洗手间里。
I'm now slowly starting to use my voice in my work again. And it feels good.
现在我又逐渐开始用自己的声音给作品配音了。这感觉真好。
It does not mean I won't have a breakdown the next time a couple dozen people say that I talk like I have peanut butter in my mouth.
这不是说我的声音完美无缺了，下一次还会有一堆人说我的声音好像含了花生酱
It just means I now have a much better understanding of what's at stake, and how giving up is not an option.
而是说我现在更加清楚什么是至关重要的，以及放弃
The Ancient Greeks didn't just wake up one day and realize that the sky was blue.
古希腊人不是一觉醒来就发现天空是蓝色的。
It took centuries, even, for humans to realize what we had been ignoring for so long.
人们花了很长的时间才渐渐注意到那些曾经被忽略了很久的事物。
And so we must continuously challenge our notion of normal,
所以我们必须要经常挑战我们对“正常”的界定。
because doing so is going to allow us as a society to finally see the sky for what it is.
因为这样做可以使整个社会最终看清天空的颜色。
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Grunts Thank you.
谢谢！谢谢！谢谢！谢谢！谢谢！咕噜 谢谢。
