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Now, there's, there's a lot of stories in the news today about Airbnb.
今天有许多关于“爱彼迎”的报道。
You know Airbnb, right? You know what an Airbnb it is...
你们知道“爱彼迎”吧？知道吧。
Yeah, it's a website where you can make your house available for people to stay in for a few days.
“爱彼迎”是一个空房短租的网站。
Right? It makes no sense to me.
对吗？但我怎么就不理解呢？
Here's what I don't understand about Airbnb.
我来告诉你为什么我不明白。
People used to buy expensive security systems, you know, to keep you out of their homes.
人们过去老买一些昂贵的监控装置来防止他人闯入，对吗？
And now with Airbnb, they're suddenly like let's invite a stranger to come in here and touch everything.
但如今有了“爱彼迎”以后，人们开始邀请陌生人进入，而且可以随意触碰家里的东西。
Like I can barely tolerate it when my friends come over for dinner and ask to use the bathroom.
那天朋友来家吃晚饭，但我没法忍受的是他要求使用卫生间。
I'm like, well, wait until you get home, Craig.
我想说克雷格，等你回家再上行吗。
This isn't a Starbucks.
这不是星巴克。
Well you know, I don't know if you saw this story, right,
我不知道你看过那则新闻没有，
but a story's just come out about a couple in San Francisco
旧金山几天前发生了这样一件事，
who hired a house sitter from TrustedHousesitters.com to watch their house
有位户主在“TrustedHousesitters.com”（看房人信赖）网站找看房人，
while they were away at Burning Man.
当时户主正在外地庆祝“火人节”。
But instead of looking after their home,
但他没有帮户主看房，
the house sitter listed it on Airbnb and earned $2,000 by renting it out.
反而将房子放在“爱彼迎”，还租了出去，还竟然挣了2000美金。
I, can you imagine?
你能想象吗？
I mean, I think you're in trouble when you're using a site called TrustedHousesitters.com.
别用“TrustedHousesitters.com”（看房人信赖），这会让你陷入麻烦。
Like, that was their first mistake.
这是他们犯下的第一个错误。
Does, does this site need to use the word trusted?
该网站名需要用“信赖”两字吗？
You are nothing makes you seem less trustworthy than saying that you're trustworthy.
你不说你值得信赖还好，说了反倒更不值得信赖。
It's like if a doctor describes himself as a very qualified doctor.
这好比有医生说他非常专业。
So to mean like hello, I'm a very qualified doctor from VeryQualifiedDoctors.com,
这就好比我是一名来自“VeryQualifiedDoctors.com”（职业医生网站）的医生，
and today were gonna check out your this thing,
今天我要检查你的“这个”，
you know, and I'm gonna use one of these. So good luck.
但我要用“这个”检查。祝你好运。
But also, these people hired a house sitter when they went to Burning Man. Right?
这条新闻说的是“火人节”户主雇佣看房人，对吗？
And I don't know about you but I think it's surprising that someone who went to Burning Man owns a home.
但我不知道的是，庆祝“火人节”的居民竟然能买得起房，这让我很惊讶。
I know...But the thing is right, when it comes to Airbnb, these kinds of stories aren't even uncommon.
但一提到“爱彼迎”，这类故事似乎司空见惯。
In fact, these guys were lucky because I didn't feel saw this but recently,
事实上，这些人其实还蛮幸运的，就在最近，
a couple in Calgary came home after Airbnbing their apartment
一对来自卡尔加里的夫妻使用“爱彼迎”后发现，
to discover that the place had been destroyed and an orgy had taken place there.
他们的房屋被毁，而且还用他们的房间举办了纵欲狂欢。
The thing is, it being destroyed, I can work out how you can tell that immediately, stuff broken, etc. But
房间被毁了，你知道吗，你很容易就能看见，破碎的东西等等。
like, what are the telltale signs that an orgy has taken place?
是有什么隐含的讯息告诉我们，这里曾经举办过纵欲狂欢吗？
Like whatever they are, I never want to find them, you know.
不管你能找到什么讯息，我都不想知道。
Like best case scenario, they're out of wet wipes.
最好的情况是他们没湿纸巾了。
Worst though, no, no, no.
坏情况是......不不不。
Best case scenario, out of wet wipes. That's...
好情况是没湿纸巾了。
Worst case scenario, don't play ping-pong for a while.
最坏情况是，最近最好别玩乒乓球。
Come on. Not that bad.
没关系，不会那么坏的。
So when it comes down to it, like I'm only going to stay in hotels.
所以如果是这种情况，我只会住酒店。
I'm not saying hotels are perfect but at least the weirdness at a hotel is impersonal.
我不是说酒店没事，但至少酒店发生“奇怪”现象是与人无关的。
Do you know what I mean?
懂我意思吗？
Like a hair in the shower at a hotel is like, oh well, the maid missed a spot, you know.
如果你在酒店浴池发现头发，你就会认为服务生没擦干净。
But a hair in the shower at an Airbnb is Lenny's hair.
但如果你在使用“爱彼迎”后发现头发，你就会认为哦，这是伦尼的头发。
You've met Lenny, Lenny gave you the keys,
你见过伦尼，是伦尼给你的门钥匙，
and now you can picture exactly where that hair came from on Lenny's body because Lenny's bald.
这时你就会想象那个画面，你就应该知道这个“头发”是从伦尼的哪个部位来的，因为伦尼没头发。
