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I'm sure a lot of you know, you probably know Facebook has gone down three times in the past week.
相信大家都知道了 脸书上个星期崩溃了三次
Did you...you knew this, right? You knew this.
你们都知道吧
So lately Facebook's status has changed from working to it's complicated.
脸书最近的数据从工作为主变成了乱七八糟的其他东西
Can you believe it? Three times in one week.
你敢相信吗 一周三次哎
In an unrelated story, worker productivity is up 8,000%.
说句不相干的 工作效率提高了8000%
We joke around, but this was pretty inconvenient. Do you know what I mean?
我们虽然拿这个开玩笑 但是脸书崩溃的确挺不方便的 你们知道我什么意思吗
It really was. Loads of people had to go and hide in their ex's bushes just to stalk them.
真的 一大堆人必须要躲在他们前任家门口的灌木丛里才能知道他们的行踪
You know people were outraged. They were freaking out.
大家都很生气 都快急疯了
But actually, you know in truth what did they miss out on?
但是说真的 他们错过了些什么呢
Aw! Don't say aw! Oh, no! It is you.
哎 别表现的这么愧疚好吗 噢 就是你们
You're the one posting them! No!
是你们把这些发上来的
But there's one guy who wishes that Facebook had stayed down.
但是有一个人希望脸书还是崩溃的好
And that's John Mogan of Ohio, who was arrested for robbing a bank and then instead of, you know,
他就是俄亥俄州的约翰·摩根 他现在被逮捕了 他抢了银行之后
hiding, he posted photos of himself posing with loads of cash on his Facebook wall.
不仅没有藏起来 还在他的脸书主页上贴上了自己和一大堆钱的照片
Honestly, it's ridiculous.
说真的 太荒唐了
Let's take a look at another one of the photos he posted. There he is there.
我们看看下一张 看这张
There is another one where he pretends that the money is a phone. Look there.
还有一张他把钱当作电话的照片 看
He is going hello, police? Just come arrest me!
你好 警察吗 快来抓我呀
Seriously, if you're that guy, you can't rob a bank.
说真的 就这个智商 基本就告别抢银行了
You have nothing but distinguishing features.
你除了特征明显的很就一无所有了
Like as soon as the police arrived they are like OK.
警察一到 问
Can you describe the man to me?
能给我们描述下他的外貌吗
Yeah, he was about 5'9. Brown eyes.
他大概5英尺9英寸 棕色的眼睛
Anything else? He had the word betsy tattooed on his face.
还有吗 脸上纹着betsy
Was that his only tattoo? Absolutely not.
还有别的纹身吗 没有
The thing is he didn't do this alone. Right?
而且他还不是一个人去抢得
He actually, he is accused of robbing the bank with his girlfriend. OK?
事实上 他还叫上了他女朋友一起
So let's take a look at a picture they posted together. Look at them.
我们看看他们两个人的照片
I mean they look like they took that picture around the corner from the bank.
看起来像是就在银行旁边的拐角拍的
Also who took that photo?
而且这张照片是谁拍的呢
Hey, man, we just robbed a bank. Would you get a photo of us?
哎 你好 我们刚抢完银行 能帮我们拍张照片吗
We want to post it on Facebook.
我们想放在脸书上
They do seem to be a happy couple.
他们看起来还挺恩爱的
I can only imagine they did this to spice up their love life. You know what I mean?
我只能假设他们这么做是为了给他们的爱情生活添点儿趣味了 你们知道我什么意思吗
Imagine her going hey, it is date night. What do you have planned?
女朋友说 嘿 今天晚上要约会哎 你有什么计划吗
Well, I've been thinking about a little role-playing.
嗯 我觉得我们可以试试角色扮演
I was thinking maybe we play bank robber and getaway driver.
我们就演银行抢劫犯和逃跑时开车的司机
She is thinking oh, hot, yeah.
女朋友就觉得 哇 听起来不错
Shall we go to bedroom? No, let's go to the Wells Fargo.
那我们去卧室吧 不 我们去富国银行
Oh my god, this is getting outs of control.
天啊 然后事情就失控了
No. We're actually doing it! We're actually doing it!
我们真的这么干了 我们真的抢了银行
But one thing is for sure.
但有一件事确定的
He will not be using Facebook if he goes to prison
他进了监狱就玩不了脸书了
but I do get the feeling he will be getting poked.
但一定会有人给他点赞
Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. A lot of people said I shouldn't do that joke.
谢谢 谢谢 谢谢你们的掌声 大家都说我不应该拿这个当笑话讲的
