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We always like to check in with our friend deranged billionaire John Hodgman.
我喜欢定期向我朋友约翰·霍奇曼汇报，他是一个精神错乱的亿万富翁。
Usually John will give us some idea about why he's dropping by.
约翰会告知我们他来访的原因。
But this time he just said he had a big announcement.
他说这次要宣布一个大事情。
So I guess welcome to the show John Hodgman. John Hodgman, everybody!
所以，欢迎来到节目中约翰。朋友们，约翰·霍奇曼!
Nice to see you, John. Good to see you.
欢迎见到你约翰。
Thanks for stopping by and joining us.
欢迎来到节目中做客。
Can you stop talking now? Is the camera on me? Good, thank you.
你能先别说了吗？摄像头在对着我吗？谢谢。
John, the reason I called you here today,
约翰，我今天叫你过来的原因是，
Well, I'm here every day. It's my show, so I'm here. It's not like you.
我每天都到这儿来，这是我的节目。不像你。
Please, John, this is hard enough without your blubbering.
约翰，没有你在这儿又哭又闹，要我说出来还是很困难的。
I have something to say. I have been appearing on this show for almost 10 years now.
我有话要说。快十年了，我一直是这档节目的常客。
This show doesn't deserve an even slightly restless deranged billionaire. What?
这档节目连个精神稍微错乱点的亿万富翁都留不住。什么？
And so I'm moving on. Really?
所以我想改变一下。真的吗？
The point is, I'm retiring to an exclusive gated community.
我要去一个外人禁止入内的地方。
Wow! You're going to Florida?
哦，你要去弗罗里达州？
No, John, an exclusive gated community on Mars.
不是，是火星上的一个地方。
Mars, planet Mars? Yeah.
火星，太空上的那个？是的。
Technically it's called Summerwine Links at the hellas impact crater.
从专业角度讲，它叫做希腊撞击坑上的夏日葡萄园。
But we just call it the colony, star wipe. Ah, that was good.
我们都叫它殖民地，小星星。不错。
Yeah, usually when you do a star wipe it's to go to a different shot.
通常你展示小星星时，你都会换个镜头。
Picky, picky. You direct one movie and all of a sudden you're Francois Truffaut.
我是个讲究的人。你执导了一部影片，突然你发现自己变成了弗朗索瓦·特吕弗。
You know, Truffaut loved star wipes, by the way, loved them.
知道吗，特吕弗钟爱小星星。
The point is, bothering you, John, was the only reason
知道吗约翰，打扰你是我留在
I ever stuck around in this increasingly socialist cesspool of a planet.
肮脏地球的唯一原因。
And now with you're leaving it's time for me to rejoin my kind.
你现在也要离开了，我是时候回到我的部落了。
What the, star wipe! What?
小星星！什么？
Are you saying you're a Martian?
你是说你是火星人？
What? No, we got rid of the Martians.
什么？我不是，我们已经摆脱他们了。
They were tanking our property values.
他们让我们的房价一败涂地。
I'm just a very wealthy human who summers off planet.
我只是一个有钱人，能够去外太空度假而已。
John, we point a one percenters of had a space colony for years. Why?
多年以来，我们建立了自己的太空殖民地。为什么？
Well, Mars is a billionaire's paradise, no taxes, no regulations, no unions.
火星是亿万富翁的天堂，不用缴税，没有规章制度还没有联盟。
Plus there's infinite room for our lavish orgies.
而且，我们有无穷无尽的空间来举办奢华宴会。
We still have to wear our spacesuits, though. Safety first.
但为了安全，我们还得穿上太空服。
So your orgies are just mostly just dry humping in space?
所以你说的宴会就只是隔衣擦火是吗？
We call it thumping crotch plates.
我们把这叫做隔衣裤裆。
John, how does this society made up of only billionaires function?
约翰，这个社会怎么变成了只为富翁服务的社会？
Because don't you need non-rich people to provide you basic services?
你们难道不需要一些一般阶层的人来提供你们基本保障吗？
You're not going to do it yourselves, build infrastructure, dance for your amusement.
你不可能任何事都亲力亲为，比如说基础设施建设，跳欢乐舞等。
You're absolutely right. Of course.
你说的一点都没错。
Why do you think we billionaires are so obsessed with commercial space travel.
为什么亿万富翁对商业太空旅行如此痴迷。
Amazon founder Jeff Bezos's company Blue Origin
亚马逊创始人杰夫·贝佐斯旗下公司蓝色起源表示，
says it's ready to start sub-orbital test flights this year.
他们将于今年开始进行亚轨道飞行测试。
Branson is in on it. Elon Musk is in on it.
理查德·布兰森和埃隆·马斯克都开始了这方面的研发。
This is bragging rights for people who can spend a quarter million dollars
这些富人阶层愿意花25万美金，
for about five minutes of weightlessness.
就为了体验五分钟的失重感觉。
So you're saying that your, on Mars, your migrant workers,
你指的是这些火星上的打工仔，
are lowly millionaires, yes.
对的，他们被称为地位卑贱的亿万富翁。
But, someone has to unclog our space toilets and clean our crotch plates.
但是，冲洗太空厕所的工作还是得有人去做的。
That makes sense.
有道理。
Well, I could talk about crotch plates all night but I've got to get going.
我可以谈论一晚上的裤裆，但我要走了。
So put on my helmet. All right.
所以，戴上我的头盔。恩恩。
Enjoy your rocket trip.
尽情享受你的火箭之旅。
Rocket trip, John? You think I'm going coach.
火箭之旅？你认为我会坐大巴去？
These days the best people all travel by mysterious cosmic monolith.
这些天，巨富们乘坐的可都是神秘宇宙巨石。
Oh, there it is now. Farewell, earthlings. Baaaam! Baaaam! Baaaum.
哦，它来了。再见了地球人！邦邦邦。
I am the star child. Oh, my body's weird.
我是小星星的孩子，我的身体看起来很奇怪。
That's the weirdest thing I've ever seen.
这是我见过的最奇葩的东西。
Farewell, star child, John Hodgman.
再见，小星星的孩子，再见约翰·霍奇曼。
I guess now you belong to the ages.
我猜你现在一定回到了远古。
Hi, I forgot something.
你好，我忘了样东西。
I'm leaving behind hundreds of empty investment condos,
我在地球上留了数百套公寓，
you know, to make sure that New York is forever unaffordable for the middle class.
保障那些买不起房的中产阶级有房住。
Okay. So could you water my plants? Sure. Thank you.
好的，你能帮我浇花吗？当然，谢谢。
By the way, there was a light show, you turn into a baby. What the hell was that?
刚才有一道光，你突然变成了一个婴儿，这是怎么回事？
Yeah, I wouldn't think about it too hard, John.
我不会太在意。
It's very deep.
因为太深奥了。
Anyway, good-bye!
再见了。
Oh, and that whole thing about billionaires being essential job creators, yep, we made that up.
对了，还有就是亿万富翁是创造就业的主力军，这是我们编的，
You know, so, the poors wouldn't kill us.
希望那些穷人别把我们杀了。
The only thing that really trickled down was bull...
没什么能真正产生涓滴效应的。
Good-bye! John Hodgman, everybody!
再见！朋友们，约翰·霍奇曼！
