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After nearly seven years in office,
在任将近七年后
president Obama has finally scored one of his biggest political achievements.
奥巴马终于取得了他政治生涯中最伟大的成就
That's right, today Barack Obama joined Facebook. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
是的 就在今天 巴洛克·奥巴马开通了脸书 耶 耶 耶
The president actually signed up this morning,
总统先生是今天上午注册的
which means by noon, Sasha and Malia had already started ignoring friend requests from him.
到了中午 萨沙和玛利亚就拒绝了他的好友申请
I can't believe it took Obama this long to join Facebook.
不敢相信奥巴马居然花了这么长时间
I mean, even Bernie sanders is on Facebook,
连伯尼·桑德斯都知道怎么上脸书
except he can't log in without a modem and one of those free A.O.L.C.D.'s.
虽然没有猫和服务器他就没法登陆
But the truth is Obama and Facebook actually have a lot in common.
实际上奥巴马和脸书有很多共同点
They both captured America's hearts and minds eight years ago,
他们都在八年前就占据了美国人的心房
and they both seem to bring out a lot of racism in people.
也都引出了人心中的种族主义
In his very first post, Obama posted a video where he said,
在奥巴马的第一条推文里 他发了一条视频 他说
I hope you'll think of this as a place where we can have real conversations about the most important issues. Right.
我希望大家能把这里当做一个我们可以真诚沟通 商讨国家大事的地方 嗯
Does he know what Facebook is?
他有没有搞清楚脸书是干嘛的啊
Does he know what most people use it for?
他知不知道大家都用脸书干啥啊
Because Facebook is not for important issues.
要知道 脸书可不是什么用来商讨大事儿的地方
It's for baby photos and watching your friend Jeff Spiral into depression after his breakup with Charlotte.
脸书是用来晒娃 和围观你的朋友杰夫·斯巴瑞尔因为和夏洛特分手心情抑郁的
No, it is true. She's not coming back, Jeff. Get over it.
醒醒 这是真的 她不会再回来了 杰夫 看开点儿
If Obama thinks Facebook's for hard-hitting news, he's going to be disappointed
如果奥巴马以为脸书是看大新闻的地方 他恐怕要失望了
because these were the top trending topics on Facebook today. OK?
看看今天的脸书头条行吗
First of all, it was this. It was the cat that looks like a werewolf.
第一条是这个 一只长得像狼人的猫
This began to trend on Facebook after CNN posted it. Right?
CNN发了这张照片后 它就上了热门
And the thing is, that cat doesn't look like a werewolf!
但事实上 这只猫长得一点儿都不像狼人
And CNN should not be covering it.
CNN也不应该放这种照片
Another big issue Obama might have seem on Facebook today
奥巴马可能在脸书上看见的另一个大事件就是
were these clouds in South Africa that look like UFOs.
南非这些长得像UFO的云
And people were like oh these are UFOs.
大家都说 哇 这是UFO啊
These aren't even actual unidentified flying objects.
这些根本不是不明飞行物
They've been identified. They're clouds.
已经很明了 这是云
You can't do stories about what clouds look like!
你不能看到云的形状像什么 就拿来编新闻啊
That's just something you and your friend talk about when you take mushrooms at Joshua tree.
这应该是你和你朋友在约书亚树下采蘑菇时讨论的话题啊
Basically all the trending stories on Facebook are about things that look like other things.
基本上脸书上头天的内容都是一个东西长得像另一个东西
Do you know what I mean?
你们明白我意思吗
Do you want to see tomorrow's big story? Do you want to see that?
你们想知道明天的头条是什么吗 想看吗
It's this. It's a potato that looks like a seal.
就是这个 长得像海豹的土豆
OK, right. That does look like a seal. Look at that!
不是吗 真的长得很像海报 是吧
But you don't join Facebook for the news.
但你上脸书也不是为了看新闻的
You join Facebook for the status updates,
而是为了看别人更新的动态
and I'm excited I can show you some of president Obama's updates.
很高兴能向大家展示总统先生的动态
Do you want to see them?
想看吗
So we're gonna check it now and see what's he's posted so far.
一起来看看总统都发过些什么
He posted this earlier today.
这条是今天上午发的
Just went ham sandwich on ISIS with a predator drone, LOL.
刚跟无人机在伊斯兰国吃了火腿三明治（大笑）
Then he put up this one.
然后是这个
Having lunch with the prime minister of Spain. Life is so weird.
跟西班牙总理共进午餐 生活真是不可思议
Kind of feels like a humble brag.
语气有点像是谦虚地自夸
And then he put this one.
还有这条
Hey everyone. I'm not big on self-promotion,
大家好 我不太擅长自我营销
but I have a new executive order coming out tomorrow if y'all wanna check it out.
我明天有一则行政法规要公布了 大家想看吗
And then his last post was this one—a picture of Michelle Obama.
最近的一条是这样的——一张米歇尔·奥巴马的照片
It just says when bae has bigger muscles than you #WCW
配文 贝阿的肌肉比我还壮 带话题 受到来自女性打击的周三
