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There have been a lot of prison breaks this year.
今年发生了好几起越狱事件
There was the two convicts in New York, El Chapo in Mexico.
包括纽约的两名罪犯和墨西哥的头号大毒枭
This is clearly a problem, OK.
很明显 这已经成为了一个大问题
But one man thinks he's found the solution, right.
但是有个人觉得自己找到了解决办法
Indonesia's anti-drug chief is proposing
印度尼西亚的禁毒首长提议
that the country puts narcotic offenders in a jail on an island surrounded by crocodiles.
把毒贩关进岛上监狱里 在岛的周围养上鳄鱼
True story.
这是真事儿
Now, when I heard about a plan to surround criminals with crocodiles,
我听说要用鳄鱼把罪犯围起来的时候
I was shocked it came out of Indonesia,
很惊讶这事儿发生在印度尼西亚
and not last night's republican debates.
而不是发生在昨晚的共和党辩论上
To be honest, I thought everything in Indonesia was surrounded by crocodiles.
说真的 好像印度尼西亚的什么东西都是用鳄鱼围起来的
The plan is to send the inmates food supplies every day
狱卒每天不光要送饭给囚犯
but they will have to survive on their own.
还要确保自己的安全
This already sounds like a reality TV show I would totally early watch.
如果拍成真人秀的话 我一定会看
It sounds brilliant, doesn't it?
听起来很聪明 是吧
It also sounds like Indonesia's anti-drug chief is a 6-year-old boy.
听起来还让人感觉这位印度尼西亚的禁毒首脑只有6岁
We're gonna put all the bad guys in a jail and then put crocodiles all around them
我们把这些罪犯关进牢里 再在周围养上鳄鱼
so if they try to escape the crocodiles will eat them!
这样如果有人想逃跑 鳄鱼就会咬死他们
It is going to be amazing!
效果一定很好
Here's a tip for you Indonesian prisoners watching us right now.
有个技巧要告诉那些正在看节目的印尼囚犯
As I know you are.
我知道你们在看
What? We are huge in Indonesian prisons.
咋啦 我们的观众里印尼囚犯多得很
If you break out of prison, I do not recommend telling your cellmates, later, alligator.
如果你想越狱 我不建议你把这事儿告诉你的狱友 也就是扬子鳄
Because after a while, you'll end up in a crocodile.
因为过一会儿 你就会死在他亲戚的肚子里
Thank you. One of my own. One of my own.
谢谢 以上纯属虚构
Now, it's hard to break out of prison,
现在越狱是很难的
but sometimes it's harder to get things into prison.
但是要把什么东西弄进监狱里面就更难了
Because recently in Spain,
最近 在西班牙
a 73-year-old grandmother tried to smuggle drugs to her son in prison
一位73岁的奶奶把毒品藏在
by hiding them inside a chocolate egg that she placed in her vagina.
放在她阴道里的一颗巧克力球里 带进了监狱 给他的儿子
No, it is true. It is true.
这是真事儿 真的
Cops also found a handful of Werther's originals in there,
警察还发现了一些其他的东西
but those were just for her grandkids.
但这些是留给她孙子的
Now I'm no expert,
虽然我不是专家
but honestly if you're willing to take drugs that came out of a grandmother's vagina,
但是说真的 如果你愿意从你奶奶的阴道里
I'm going to go out on a limb and say I think you might have a drug problem.
取出毒品的话 我只能冒险告诉别人 你的毒瘾真的太重了
That is also an awkward conversation when that guy tries to sell those drugs in prison. Isn't it?
如果你想把毒品卖给监狱里的其他人 也很尴尬 不是吗
Like hey man, where'd you get the drugs?
嗨 你哪搞来的毒品
I don't wanna talk about it.
我不想说
And you don't want to know either.
你应该也不想知道
I know one thing.
有一件事可以肯定
None of her grandkids want to do the Easter egg hunt at her house this year.
她的孙子应该没有一个人想参加他家的寻找复活节彩蛋活动
I know. You were right. You were right.
你们是对的 你们是对的
We were wrong. You were right. Your response was right.
错的是我们 你们是对的 你们才是对的
That was absolutely the correct response because you know why?
你们知道你们为什么对吗
You're a classy crowd.
你们都是优雅的人
