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How to deal with manipulative people. Imagine you have a friend, you love your friend, but you realize a few things.
如何应对操控型人格？想象一下你有这么一种朋友，你非常爱这位朋友，但你意识到一些不对劲的地方。
They always get what they want, tear down your confidence and always play the victim.
他们总是获取自己想要的，他们会诋毁你的自信还总是扮演受害者角色。
What does this mean? It might mean your friend is an emotional manipulator. So what do you do?
这意味着什么？或许这意味着你的朋友是一名情感操控者。那么你该怎么做呢？
Well, lucky for you, we've provided some tips to make sure you don't get played and can hopefully help them in the end.
幸运的是，我们会提供一些建议确保你不被操控并且能够帮助到你的朋友。
No.1: Stopping the victimhood.
1. 停止扮演受害者。
Maybe you notice that your friend always plays the victim, no matter what happens.
或许你也注意到了，不论发生什么事，你的朋友总是装作受害者。
Sometimes they might actually not know what they're doing wrong and thus don't assume responsibility for their actions.
有时他们也许并不知道自己做错了什么，所以他们也不会为自己的行为负责。
Sometimes they're doing it on purpose. This is when the behavior is manipulative.
有时他们则是故意为之。这时这种行为就是操控。
What you do in this case is to keep things light and positive.
这种情况下你要做的就是保持事件的清晰和正面性。
Slowly let them know that it's okay to make a mistake, so they can start to accept responsibility for their actions.
慢慢让他们了解，犯错是可以的，这样他们才会开始为他们的行为负责。
Leveling the playing field.
游戏场上的平等。
If you tell this friend you had a bad day they'll brush it off and tell you about the time they experienced a monsoon and an alien invasion in the same day.
如果你告诉这位朋友你今天过的很糟糕，而他们却忽略这件事，然后告诉你他们在同一天体验到了季风和外来物种入侵。
These manipulators get their confidence by putting others down and belittling other people's issues and successes. What you have to do here is to be honest.
这些操控者通过贬低别人、忽视别人的问题和成功来获取自己的自信。此时你要做的就是说实话。
You tell them, "Hey, I appreciate you telling me your story, and I'm glad you can empathize, but I just need some advice or comfort or someone to listen."
你告诉他们，“很高兴你告诉我你的故事，但是我就是需要一些建议、安慰或倾听。
By accepting what the manipulator is doing you've taken away their power to hurt you.
通过接受操控者所做的事，你就夺走了他们伤害你的能力。
Lessening the load.
减轻负载。
These people pretend to be helpless and always put you on a pedestal which puts all the pressure on you.
这些人假装很无助，还总是把你当做基座，把所有压力都堆给你。
The way you can combat this is to slowly put them into positions of decision-making or power.
你的对抗方法是慢慢将他们放在决策位或权利位置。
Tell them that you're uncomfortable with the weight they put on your shoulders by making you the leader all the time.
告诉他们，总是由你来做领导并将所有压力都丢给你的这种做法，让你感到很不舒服。
At first they might be mad, but slowly they may appreciate, feel equal, and enjoy taking action. Talk about it.
起初他们或许会生气，但是慢慢地他们会感激你、他们体会到平等并且爱上采取行动。试试吧。
The classic emotional manipulator is known as a triangulate. They'll say anything to get someone on their side.
经典的情感操控者被称为三角。他们为了让别人站他们这边会说出任何话。
They'll break relationships, and even families by pitting people against each other.
他们会通过挑拨离间，破坏感情和家庭。
The more support they have, the more power they feel they have. The best way to stop this, is to open channels of communications.
他们得到的支持越多，就感觉权力越大。解决此循环最好的方式就是开启沟通渠道。
Keep talking to your friends and family no matter what the triangulator is saying.
和你的朋友家人说说话，不论这位三角测量员说的是什么。
This way you're all on the same page, no matter what the manipulator says. Stand your ground.
这样一来，不论操控者说什么，你们都在同一个点上。一定要坚守阵地。
This is difficult if you're dealing with a manipulator that steamrolls everything and everyone.
如果你的这位操控者朋友总是碾压任何事任何人，这种情形就很困难。
Like the Hulk, manipulators can sometimes use anger and even violence to blast you out of an argument.
就像是绿巨人，操控者有时会利用气愤甚至暴力把你炸出这场争论之中。
You can't ask questions because they yell and yell. It might be scary but, keep calm, stand your ground and don't be pushed over.
你不能问问题，因为他们会大喊大叫。这会很可怕，但保持镇定，坚定你的立场，不要被推到。
Wait for them to get tired of yelling and then have a proper discussion.
等他们喊累了再进行合适的讨论。
It also works to walk away from the manipulator, especially if you feel that you're in physical danger.
远离操控者也同样有用，特别是如果你感到你处于身体危险之中。
Healthy skepticism.
存疑态度。
If your manipulator always has to make it seem they and their life is perfect, don't buy it.
如果操控者总是让别人觉得他们以及他们的生活是完美的，别信。
If they say something wrong call it out. Don't point out all their flaws, but call out that bull.
如果他们说错了，就指出来。不要指出他们所有的缺点，就说他们是胡说八道。
Nobody's perfect and knowing our flaws is the only way we can grow
没人是完美的，了解自己的缺点是成长的唯一方式。
Change your language.
改变自己的语句。
There's always going to be miscommunication in relationships,
在一段关系中，总会存在理解错误，
but if you're always to blame for getting the message wrong or delivering it wrong, it could be a sign that you're being manipulated.
但如果你总是怪这些这些信息传达不准确，那么这可能就是你被操控的迹象。
Over time this treatment can make you afraid to speak up. What do you do to prevent this?
随着时间流逝，这样的情况会使你害怕开口。怎么样才能预防呢？
Speak in "I feel" sentences, so they can't twist your feelings easily.
说“我觉得”，这样他们就不会轻易扭曲你的感受。
For example, "I feel grossed out by all the old dishes in the sink", not "you gross me out by not cleaning the dishes."
例如，“我觉得池子里的脏盘子很恶心，而不是说”你没洗盘子，你让我觉得恶心。”
Know what you want.
知道自己想要什么。
Flirting is fun, most of us do it and usually like experiencing it.
调情很有趣，多数人都会调情，也很喜欢被调。
However, if someone is using flirtation to have everyone admire them with disregard to everyone's feeling, this is a sign it's being used as a manipulation tactic.
但如果人们利用调情让其他人仰慕自己而忽视每个人的感情，这就是被当做操控策略的迹象。
These manipulators use their charm and sexuality to get everything they want.
这些操控者利用他们的魅力和性感获得自己想要的一切。
To block them out, don't fall for their wit and charm.
把他们挡在外边，不要落入他们诡计和魅力之中。
Know what you want, and know what they're saying or asking for. Don't get swept away by their flirtatious attitude.
知道自己想要什么，知道他们会说什么或要求什么。不要被他们调情的态度所迷惑。
Stand up, emotionally.
情感上站得住脚。
Manipulators that are harsh, heavy, and bash people down to get what they want, are often dealing with insecurities themselves.
操控者们很严厉，为了自己想要的会痛击别人，而自己也常没有安全感。
With these people, you need to stand up to them and hold your ground.
和这些人在一起，你需要勇敢地面对并坚定自己的立场。
Know who you are, don't let them drag you down into insecurity. And finally, sometimes your manipulator just won't stop.
认清自己是谁，不要让他们把你拖入没安全感的阵营。这位操控者最终就是停不下来。
In that case, we recommend you cut them out completely.
这种情况下，我们建议你们彻底切断之间的关系。
If they're too important to you to let go of, or if you feel you might be physically unsafe, talk to someone in a position of authority.
如果他们对你来说非常重要，重要到不能断绝友谊，或许你觉得自己受到了身体上的威胁，就和那个职权职位的人谈谈。
Sometimes you might need some help to deal with manipulators.
有时你或许需要一些帮忙来应对操控者。
We hope that by using all the tips we just taught you, you can get out of that manipulative relationship.
我们希望通过我们所说的这些技巧，你能够脱离这段操控者关系。
That's all for now from us here at Psych2Go. Hang tough, and hang in there and don't forget to subscribe for more tips.
以上就是今天的Psych2Go。坚持到底、坚持下去，不要忘记订阅我们的频道。
