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And it wasn't because of my attending; he was a doll.
而这也不是因为我的主治；他人非常好。
He talked to the family, and I'm quite sure that he smoothed things over and made sure that I didn't get sued.
他和那家人好好的谈过。我确定他为了确保我没有被控告而替我打了圆场。
And I kept asking myself these questions. Why didn't I ask my attending?
但我仍然不断问我自己这些问题：为什么当时我没有联系我的主治？
Why did I send her home? And then at my worst moments: Why did I make such a stupid mistake?
为什么我当时会让她回家？ 更加沮丧时，我会问： 我为什么会犯下如此愚蠢的错误？
Why did I go into medicine? Slowly but surely, it lifted.
为什么我会选择进入医学界？慢慢的但稳定地，那糟糕的感觉开始淡化了。
I began to feel a bit better.
我开始觉得缓和了些。
And on a cloudy day, there was a crack in the clouds and the sun started to come out and I wondered, maybe I could feel better again.
然后在一个阴云密布的日子里， 当我看到一束阳光从云隙中探出，我觉得，或许我能再次感觉好起来。
And I made myself a bargain that if only I redouble my efforts to be perfect and never make another mistake again, please make the voices stop.
然后我和自己做了一个约定：如果我加倍努力做到完美，不再犯错，请就此让那自责的声音消去。
And they did. And I went back to work. And then it happened again.
那个声音的确停止了。我回到了工作岗位。但错误又发生了。
Two years later I was an attending in the emergency department at a community hospital just north of Toronto, and I saw a 25 year-old man with a sore throat.
两年后，当我在一家多伦多北部一间社区医院的急症室做主治医生时，我看了一位喉咙酸痛的25岁的男人。
It was busy, I was in a bit of a hurry. He kept pointing here.
当时诊所很忙，所以我也有些急。他不停的指着这里。
I looked at his throat, it was a little bit pink.
我看了看，他的喉咙有些红肿。
And I gave him a prescription for penicillin and sent him on his way.
我给他开了盘尼西林的处方后 便让他离开了。
And even as he was walking out the door, he was still sort of pointing to his throat.
即便当他走出诊所的大门的时候，他似乎还在指着他的喉咙。
