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Guys, our musical guest tonight is 5 Seconds of Summer.
朋友们，今晚我们的音乐嘉宾是“五秒夏天”乐队。
They're performing their song Want You Back, which I got to assume is about President Obama.
他们今晚的表演曲目是《希望你回来》，我猜这是唱给奥巴马听的。
The big news is that today, House Speaker Paul Ryan announced that he is retiring from Congress.
今天的大新闻，众议院议长保尔·莱恩宣布辞职。
Yep. He said he wants to spend more time with his children at home
没错，他说他希望多陪陪孩子们，
and less time with the child in the White House. And that's...
不想再陪白宫那位小朋友了，没错。
That's right. Paul Ryan is retiring. He said that after 20 years in Congress,
保尔·莱恩辞职了，他说在国会干了二十年，
it's time to let someone else get nothing done.
是时候交给别人了，继续像我一样无所作为。
And that's very nice of him. I read Ryan made his decision during Congress's last recess.
太棒了，听说莱恩是在国会休会时做出的决定。
When he heard that, President Trump was like, Wait, they get recess? That is not fair.
小特听说以后说等等，他们有休息的时候，太不公平了。
I want soda machines in the cafeteria.
我希望食堂能有汽水机。
This morning, Ryan held a press conference about retiring, and at one point,
早上，莱恩就辞职问题召开了新闻发布会，
he tried to say that he'll still serve his full term. I'll not sure it came out right. Watch this.
他其实想说他想干完这个任期，但我觉得他说得有点不对，来看看。
To be clear, I am not resigning. I intend to full my serve term as I was elected to do.
我不会现在就辞职，就像我刚刚当选一样，干完整个任期。
Thank you, and may bless God, the States United.
感谢大家，愿上帝保佑美国。
Oh, and get this, the last Speaker of the House, John Boehner just joined a company that sells weed,
听说了吗，上一届的众议院议长约翰·约翰博纳入股一家售卖烟草的公司，
which is why he got a text from Paul Ryan that said, You read my mind, bro.
这也就是为什么他收到了莱恩的信息，你懂我朋友。
On Twitter this morning, Trump threatened Russia with missiles that are "nice and smart".
今早在推特上，小特威胁俄罗斯要发射导弹，说我们的导弹又聪明又好。
And then Americans were like, can we make one of those missiles president? Ahh, just...
美国人回答道，我们能把导弹变成总统吗？恩恩。
In Congress, I saw that a senator told Mark Zuckerberg that Facebook's user agreement sucks.
在国会上，听说一位参议员告诉马可说，脸书的用户协议太糟糕了。
Even Mark Zuckerberg was like, Wait, you actually read Facebook's user agreement?
甚至马可都要问，你真的读了脸书的用户协议吗？
How lame is that? Some entertainment news here, The trailer for the Star Wars spin-off movie Solo was just released.
太拙劣了，来看看娱乐新闻，《星球大战》外传Solo预告片发布。
It looks really cool. I guess President Trump is a big fan,
听起来很酷，我猜小特一定是大战迷，
because he decided to do the sound effects for the whole thing himself. Take a look.
因为他决定负责整部影片的声效，来看看。
Vooo! Vooo! Vooo! Ka-ching! Gah! Glllll! Up! Up! Voom! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping!
哦哦哦，卡其，上上，冰冰兵，乓乓乓！
Ka-ching! Aah! Bi-i-i-ing! Bong! Space force! Ding! Ding! Wah! Bling! Bye, Star Wars. There you go. Amazing. Star Wars.
冰冰冰，丁丁丁，星球大战，太棒了，星球大战。
I heard about a new trend called garden eyebrows. Have you ever heard of this?
听说现在流行花园眉，你们听说了吗？
People paint their eyebrows green then glue on flowers.
人们将眉毛涂成绿色，然后把花朵黏上去。
Apparently it was invented by someone that doesn't know what a Snapchat filter is.
一看就是不懂“色拉布”过滤的人设计的。
You have to do that to your face. And finally, this is very nice.
你的脸必须要经历这个，最后来看看这个。
112-year-old man in Japan was just named the world's oldest man.
日本112岁男子成为最长寿男子。
He's very happy he'll remember this moment for the rest of this week.
他非常高兴，因为他至少这周还会记得这个美好的时刻。
We have a great show tonight. Give it up for The Roots!
今晚的节目很精彩，掌声送给紫金合唱团。
