I know those things that happened to you growing up.
I know you don't think that you're pretty, smart, talented or powerful enough.
I know your dad never paid attention, even when you made CFO.
Shame is that thing. And if we can quiet it down and walk in and say, "I'm going to do this,"
we look up and the critic that we see pointing and laughing, 99 percent of the time is who?
Us. Shame drives two big tapes -- "never good enough" -- and, if you can talk it out of that one, "who do you think you are?"
是我们自己。羞耻始终播放着这样两句话 -- “永远不够好”然后，如果你能跨过这一层，“你以为你是谁啊？”
The thing to understand about shame is, it's not guilt.
Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior.
Shame is "I am bad." Guilt is "I did something bad."
How many of you, if you did something that was hurtful to me, would be willing to say, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake?"
How many of you would be willing to say that? Guilt: I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I'm sorry. I am a mistake.
There's a huge difference between shame and guilt.
And here's what you need to know.
Shame is highly, highly correlated with addiction, depression, violence, aggression, bullying, suicide, eating disorders.
And here's what you even need to know more. Guilt, inversely correlated with those things.
The ability to hold something we've done or failed to do up against who we want to be is incredibly adaptive.
It's uncomfortable, but it's adaptive.