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Apple has something new and slightly terrifying on the way. Soon you will be able to track all your medical information on your iPhone.
苹果公司将推出有些吓人的新东西，很快你就能在你的苹果手机上跟踪你所有的医疗信息。
Apple is like: "Look, we already know all this stuff. We are just asking your permission to put it on your phone."
苹果就像在说：听着，我们早就掌握这些信息了。现在只不过是请求你同意我们把它存在手机里。
The idea is to help people automatically keep track of their medical history, and also to let the guy at the Genius Bar know you have herpes.
该想法是帮助人们自动记录他们的病史，还会让“天才吧”（给苹果客户提供售后服务的）的人知道你有疱疹。
But, part of me likes the idea because I like the idea of tracking my medical history.
但一方面我是喜欢这个想法的，因为我觉得记录病史这个想法挺好。
Part of me doesn't, because it seems a little bit... I mean imagine, imagine what it would be like if Siri was your doctor.
另一方面我又不喜欢，因为它似乎有点……我是说，试想一下如果Siri是你的医生会是什么样子的。
Hey, Siri. What can I help you with?
嘿，Siri。有什么我能帮您？
Thanks for seeing me, I've been a little under the weather.
谢谢你给我瞧病，我身体有点不舒服。
The weather in Los Angeles is currently clear skies with zero percent chance of rain. No, no, no. I'm saying... The temperature is...
洛杉矶当前的天气是天气晴朗，降水概率为零（讽刺其不懂“under the weather”之意）。不、不、不。我是说……气温是……
Siri I don't feel well. I have a pain in my side.
Siri，我身体不舒服。我身体的一侧很疼。
You're concerned about penis size.
你担心鸡鸡的尺寸（讽刺其语音辨识能力很差）。
I found several pills that can help.
我找到了一些可以帮到你的药物。
Not... Yeah a little but I'm not... I have a pain, what I'm asking about I have a pain right here. It hurts when I press it.
不是……是有一点担心，但我不是……我这里痛，我问的是我这儿痛。按它的时候就会疼。
Prostate. Got it. Remove your pants and bend over the table. No, no, no... I'm pretty sure this pain has absolutely nothing to do with my prostate.
前列腺，明白了（prostate与press it的读音相似）。脱掉裤子然后趴到桌子上。不、不、不……我十分肯定这里疼绝对和我的前列腺没有任何关系。
Okay. Prostitutes. I found five prostitutes in your area. Tap one to call.
好的，小姐（同上，prostate与Prostitutes的读音相似）。我在你的区域找到了五位小姐。请按1号键呼叫。
No. You know what I'm not... I don't want to call any of them. Can you just give me something for the pain? Maybe, uh, Aspirin or some Tylenol.
不，我不是……我不想给她们打电话。你能给我开一些止疼的药吗？也许，呃，阿司匹林或泰诺。
Okay, Tide Pods. No. It's... Tylenol.
好的，汰渍洗衣球（同上，Tylenol与Tide Pods的读音相似）。不，是……泰诺。
Can I help you with anything else? No... these will be fine. Thank you Siri. Thank you for the Tide Pods.
还有什么可以帮您的吗？没了……这些就可以了。谢谢你，Siri，谢谢你的洗衣球。
Thank you Siri. I'm just gonna stay here. Alright.
谢谢你，Siri。我打算就待在这里了。好了。
I don't know why. I don't know why I feel like... You've just walked in on a Lily Tomlin sketch.
不知道为什么我觉得……大家刚刚碰见的是莉莉·汤姆林（美国女演员）的画像。
