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Cheers, guys. Thank you.
掌声 谢谢大家
Now ladies and gentlemen, as I'm sure you know, the New Hampshire Primary was held last night.
女士们先生们 你们应该都已经知道了 昨夜新罕布什尔州举行了初选
Donald trump won in a blowout on the republican side.
共和党这边唐纳德·特朗普高票获胜
I wish that was a joke that we had written but that's what actually happened.
我真希望这是我们写的段子 但很遗憾这是事实
Now I know people are worried about Donald Trump.
我知道有些人很担心唐纳德·特朗普
But personally I have been think being it
我一直在想这件事
but honestly I think this whole Trump thing is just going to blow over by his reelection in 2020.
我觉得反正到了2020年特朗普再竞选的时候 大家都会又忘掉这件事了
But after last night it looks like Chris Christie is out after this primary, which isn't surprising.
昨晚的竞选过后克里斯·克里斯蒂似乎已经出局了 这在我们的预料之中
Like myself, he doesn't look like the kind of guy who wins a lot of races.
他跟我一样 看起来不像是赢得了很多比赛的人
Jeb Bush came in fourth place.
杰宝·布什排名第四
He came in fourth place but he told CNN that he considers that a win.
虽然排名第四 但他跟CNN说自己把这当成一种胜利
I mean it's—I mean is it possible for a man to be sadder than Jeb Bush?
我想说——我想说还有人能比杰宝·布什更悲哀吗
We are a week away from Jeb Bush walking on stage at the debate just wearing sweat pants,
还有一个周 我们就可以看到杰布·布什穿着场运动裤走上辩论场
eating cereal directly out of the box and just going, oh, what's the point.
吃着刚开封的麦片 说 这有什么意义啊
Of course, Bernie Sanders won on the democratic side last night.
同时 伯尼·桑德斯在民主党内得票第一
But Hillary was so close.
但希拉里跟他票数也很接近了
She was so close, she was only 2 million coin tosses short of winning.
是真的很接近 就差两百万个硬币就能赢了
But it was a big night for Bernie. He even got a new nickname.
昨晚对伯尼·桑德斯来说也很重要 他还有了个新外号
Did you see that play out in different ways in both Trump,
不知道你有没有发现 特朗普采用了不同的策略
particularly closing message and railing against farm companies and the like and Bernie Sandwiches—Sandwiches
比如扶持农业的讯号 还有伯尼·三明治——三明治
He called him Bernie Sanders Bernie Sandwiches.
他把博你·桑德斯喊成了伯尼·三明治
To be fair, Bernie Sandwiches sounds so much cooler than Bernie Sanders.
说真的 伯尼·三明治比伯尼·桑德斯听起来帅多了
Bernie Sandwiches sounds like a hoodlum from goodfellas.
伯尼三明治听起来像是从盗亦有道里面走出来的一个黑社会
I was down there with Johnny two-times and Bernie Sandwiches.
我跟约翰尼和伯尼·三明治去过那两次
With he call him Bernie Sandwiches because when he would off a dude
他名字叫伯尼·三明治是因为他杀一个人
he would bury them between two giant pieces of bread.
就把他埋在两片大面包中间
That Bernie Sandwiches an Johnny two-times, don't even think about it.
说到伯尼·三明治和约翰尼 简直不要提
Terrible accent.
口音太可怕了
Tragic.
简直是灾难
But come on, no.
拜托
Come on. Yeah, that's right.
别鼓掌 没错
Going to get whacked. No.
我要去砍人了 还是算了
But the real story of last night's primary was John Kasich
昨晚 约翰·卡西奇这个没什么人关注的候选人
who out of nowhere managed to take second place with republicans.
得票却占共和党第二
If you don't know who John Kasich is, this is a photo of him.
如果你不知道约翰·卡西奇是谁 这有张照片
Actually, that is just the first photo that came up when we goggled old white guy.
事实上 这个是我们在谷歌上搜白人照片时跳出来的第一张
And we were right. We were right.
对
I mean John Kasich has been running for president for a full year now
约翰·卡西奇参选总统已经一年了
and finally last night 23% of all republicans in the state of New Hampshire said sure, whatever. He'll do.
终于在昨晚新罕布什尔州拿到共和党23%的选票 那的选民估计是想 随便吧 那就他了
But it seems like Kasich major selling point is that he's not Trump, Cruz or Jeb.
听起来似乎卡西奇最大的优势就是他不是特朗普 科鲁兹或者杰宝
That's it. In fact I think that should be his main platform.
就这样 我还觉得这就是他的制胜诀窍
Like his slogan should just be John Kasich, not those other dudes.
他的竞选宣言应该是 约翰·卡西奇 不是其他候选人
