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It's a special night!
这是个特别的夜晚
Thanks so much! Thanks for being here!
谢谢你们 谢谢大家能来
Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased you are in a good mood,
女士们先生们 看见大家很开心 我也很高兴
because today people in this country are up in arms.
因为今天全美国的人民都在激烈抗议
They are furious.
他们很愤怒
They are seething with rage about Starbucks' new rewards system.
他们痛恨着星巴克新的奖励制度
Starbucks has unveiled a new rewards system where,
星巴克刚颁布一套新的奖励制度
previously, you only needed 12 rewards stars to get a free drink, and now you need 125.
以前 你只需要集齐12颗星星 就可以获得一杯免费饮品 现在要集齐125颗才行
I know.
我明白你们的心情
And this has made Starbucks customers very angry,
这则消息让星巴克的消费者们非常愤怒
and these are people who pay five dollars for a cup of coffee.
这些可都是愿意花5美元喝一杯咖啡的人
It's hard to get them angry. I mean, this is all so frustrating.
让他们愤怒可并不容易 星巴克的这一招太让人失望了
If only there was some way for people to make their own coffee at home.
如果大家能够自己在家做咖啡 那就好了
Damn you, scientists! Why can't you solve this riddle?!
去你的 科学家 你们怎么连这种问题都解决不好
Starbucks' reward currency is called stars, right.
星巴克的奖励货币叫做星星
I like to picture the boardroom meeting for the naming of Starbucks currency like
我想象一下他们在给星巴克的货币命名时的会议现场
what's a good name for Starbucks currency?
一个人说 星巴克的货币应该叫什么好呢
Remember, this is basically like Starbucks money.
这可是星巴克内部通用的货币
I've got it! Stars!
有了 就叫星星
Yes! It's in our name.
没错 我们名字里就有
If I had a buck for every time I thought of an idea this good.
如果我永远都有钱 我可以一直想到这么好的主意
Maybe, this isn't—I don't even know this is Starbucks' fault.
可能这并不是——我不知道这是不是星巴克的问题
Like, just a few months ago, people were furious that Starbucks removed Christmas imagery from their cups,
大概几个月前 人们因为星巴克从杯子上去掉了圣诞图案很生气
and last year customers got angry that pumpkin spice didn't contain actual pumpkin.
去年 人们因为南瓜香料里没有真正的南瓜很生气
And I think the real problem here is that drinking that much caffeine every day turns you into a whiny little bitch.
我觉得真正的问题在于 每天摄入了太多的咖啡因让你变成了一个爱挑三拣四的小贱人
I mean, look.
想想看
Honestly, I think you should be allowed to complain about whatever you want,
说真的 我认为你对任何你讨厌的事有抱怨的权力
but I think you should have to do it to a World War II veteran.
但我觉得你应该去对一个二战老兵去抱怨
Do you know what I mean? You'd be like, this sucks.
你们知道什么意思吗 你说 太傻逼了
Now I have to spend more money before I get a free iced vanilla latte.
我现在想要一杯免费的冰的香草拿铁之前还得先多付钱
He's like, the Nazis shot down my plane.
他说 纳粹击落了我的飞机
You're, like, yeah, so you get it.
你说 嗯 你应得的
Starbucks customers are not the only ones complaining.
星巴克的顾客并不是唯一爱抱怨的人群
This week, a Yelp employee working in San Francisco posted an open letter to the CEO,
本周 Yelp的一位洛杉矶员工发表了一份致CEO的公开信
complaining about her wages and work conditions, and she ended up getting fired.
内容是抱怨她的薪水和工作环境 然后被开除了
You would think the CEO of the website that's used exclusively for complaining would be used to people complaining.
你可能会觉得这个网站的老板 总是看顾客点评商品时抱怨 应该已经习惯了吧
I mean, they shouldn't fire her, they should promote her!
我觉得他们不应该开除她 反而应该给她升职
She's very much on brand!
她很符合品牌定位啊
In her letter the employee complains that she is not allowed to take home the free food they provide at work,
在公开信中 这位员工抱怨道 她不能把免费的工作餐带回家
to which every construction worker, hairdresser, DMV worker, retail employee,
而这些工作餐是免费提供给每一位建筑师 发型师 车辆中心工人 临时工
and talk show host replied you get free food?
和脱口秀主持的 你们还有免费工作餐
But, look, everyone gets complaints, right.
每个人都会有抱怨的时候 对吧
Sometimes it feels like all the internet is for.
有时候我们会觉得互联网的意义就是这些了
And we even get complaints here at the late late show.
甚至我们深夜秀也经常被别人抱怨 投诉
And I have—these are real complaints that we've received over the last few months, right.
我有——近几个月我们也收到了一些人们的抱怨 这些都是真实的
I'll read some to you now.
我读几份给你们听
This one says, I love me some James Corsen,
这个说 我喜欢我詹姆斯·柯森
but after a while the gay chimneysweep routine gets a little old.
但后来扫烟囱的那个同性恋的故事太老套了
I beg your pardon, sir! My name is Corden.
先生 您可以再说一遍吗 我叫柯登
Here's another one: I've never understood what is so amusing or entertaining about watching two...in a car singing.
下一个 搞不懂看两个人在车里唱歌有什么好玩的
For your information, sometimes it's five.
顺便说一下 我们有时候是五个人
And this one we've got which says—and this is honestly true.
这个上面说——这是真的哈
Jack Corbin never talks about anything important in his monologue.
杰克·柯宾一个人讲的部分从来没什么大事儿
It's always just about stuff like Starbucks and Facebook.
反正老是讲星巴克和脸书
Well, you're wrong, because it's about Starbucks and Yelp today.
那你就错了 我们今天讲的是星巴克和Yelp
