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Now listen, guys. Anyone who watches this show will know that we like to tackle the big issues on the late late show.
大家听我说 我们节目的观众应该都知道 我们就是喜欢讨论大事
We're not afraid of them, we do.
没在怕的
And of course the big story on everyone's lips today is Facebook.
当然今天大家都在讨论脸书
Because the social media site has launched new alternatives that go beyond its trademark like button.
因为这个网站发布了新的按钮
Basically Facebook is doing what I tried and failed at with so many women, moving beyond just like.
基本上脸书就是在做一件我尝试过 但是失败了的事
But now there are five new buttons, right?
现在他们有五个按钮了
There's love, ha ha, wow, sad and angry. All right?
有喜欢 哈哈 哇塞 悲伤 和生气
And I still have no idea which one of those feels appropriate when my friend posts that her cat has feline aids.
但是我还是不知道 当朋友发消息说他的猫得了艾滋时我应该发什么表情
And don't clap here. Don't clap.
不要鼓掌
It is a—that is the second time you've done like a laugh and a snort.
是——这是你第二次一边笑 一边打呼噜了
Are you okay? Are you sure? You're all right?
你还好吗 真的吗 你确定吗
Did you just do another one?
你刚是又打了一次吗
Are you all right, you sure?
你还好吗 真的吗
Did you hear that?
你们听见了吗
Okay. Thank you for being here.
好 谢谢你的到来
But take a look at the new Facebook reactions.
我们回来看脸书的新表情
They look like a new boy band, right.
看起来像个新的男子组合
So here's the funny one.
这个是负责搞笑的
Here's the bad boy.
这个是爱哭的
Here's the sensitive one.
这个是很情绪化的
And here's the one without gets outed on TMZ.
这个是没被TMZ曝光的
The new buttons came just in time
这些新表情来的正好
because last night Donald Trump gave a victory speech
因为昨天晚上唐纳德·特朗普做了胜利演讲
that made me feel the full range of human emotions in the span of a couple of minutes.
让我在短短几分钟感受到了所有人类会有的情绪
Here's Trump discussing the demographics that helped him win.
这段是特朗普在说那些帮他赢得竞选的民主党人
We won with highly educated, we won with poorly educated.
受过高等教育的人支持了我 没受过高等教育的人也支持了我
I love the poorly educated.
没受过高等教育的人 我爱你们
We love the poorly educated.
没受过高等教育的人 我们爱你们
Trump is like let's be honest.
特朗普说 说真的
I would not be here today without the people who driveaway with the gas pumps still in their car.
没有那些油枪还没取就开车过来支持我的人 我今天就不可能站在这里
Like I can't believe poorly educated got applause.
我不敢相信 那些没受过高等教育的人居然还在鼓掌
There were people in the crowd going that's me. Hell yeah!
他们冲着人群说 在说我呢 哈哈
I haven't learned a damn thing my whole life.
我一辈子没读过书
I love you, Donald Trump.
我爱你啊 唐纳德·特朗普
Look, we can be harsh about Trump.
有时候我们会用很尖刻的词来形容特朗普
But he does have some very appealing, very detailed policy positions.
但是他的有些政治观点 确实很吸引人 也讲的很详细
It's hard for me to turn down money because that's not what I have done in my whole life.
对我来说 拒绝财富是很难得 我一辈子没做过这种事
I grab and grab and grab.
我大把地赚钱 来者不拒
Now we're going to get greedy for the United States.
我们要让整个美国学会贪婪
We're going to grab and grab and grab.
我们要大把大把地赚钱
We're going to bring in so much money and so much everything.
我们要赚数不尽的钱 还有数不尽的一切
So much everything!
数不尽的一切
Finally a candidate who is in favor of money and everything.
我们终于有了一个热爱赚钱 热爱一切的总统
Saying we're going to get money and everything is like when your first wish is for unlimited wishes.
他跟我们说 我们要赚钱 赚来一切 你们的首要目标就是什么都要
Luckily for Trump no one in the audience yelled out yeah, but could you be more specific.
走运的是 观众席上没有人喊 哎 你能说的具体点吗
Trump doesn't even feel the need to sound presidential.
特朗普觉得没必要要表现的像个总统
Here he is weighing in on the prison on Guantanamo bay.
这段是他在说关塔那摩的监狱
We're going to keep, as you know, Gitmo,
我们会保留吉特麽监狱
and keeping that open and we're going to load it up with bad dudes.
把坏蛋都关进去
We're going to load it up with a lot of bad dudes out there.
把里面关一堆坏蛋
He's going to take that jail and load it up with bad dudes.
他说要保留那个监狱 还要关一堆坏蛋
I mean finally a presidential candidate who has the exact same plan as the ninja turtles.
终于有个总统候选人的计划跟忍者神龟一样了
And now that Trump is the clear frontrunner you would think that he would stop bullying the other candidates.
现在既然唐纳德·特朗普排名领先 你们可能觉得他就不会去贬低其他候选人了
And you would be wrong.
你错了
Now I've met much tougher people than Ted Cruz.
我见过比泰德·科鲁兹壮的多的人
He's like a baby compared to some of the people I have to deal with.
他跟我打过交道的人一比 简直跟个小宝宝一样
He is like a little baby.
跟个小宝宝一样
Soft, weak, little baby.
一个柔弱的小宝宝
By comparison. But for lying he's the best I've ever seen.
真的 但是说到说谎 就没人是他的对手了
Ted Cruz is not a baby. People like babies.
泰德·科鲁兹可不是个宝宝 宝宝多可爱 大家都可喜欢宝宝了
I can't vote.
我不选他
But it's hard for Ted Cruz to make a case that he's a real grownup when his website,
但是从泰德·科鲁兹的网站确实没办法证明他是个成年人
and this is completely real, Ted Cruz's website sells coloring books, right?
这是个真事儿 因为他的网站居然在卖填色书
That's an actual page from a Ted Cruz coloring book.
这一页就来自泰德·科鲁兹的填色书
I mean honestly, I don't have any words for this. I definitely don't like it.
说真的 我无法可说 我完全不喜欢
Luckily thanks to Facebook I have other options.
幸运的是 谢谢脸书 我还有其他选择
