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Cheers, guys. Thank you.
谢谢大家
Ladies and gentlemen, Super Tuesday is fast approaching.
女士们先生们 超级星期二马上就要来了
It's a day when several states hold primary elections
到时几个周都会进行初选
and it will almost certainly decide the fate of democratic candidate Bernie Sanders.
这无疑会决定民主党候选人伯尼·桑德斯的命运
Now you're probably thinking oh, no, not another Super Tuesday where I don't have a date.
可能你会想 啊 有一个没有约会的超级星期二
Well, you're in luck.
你走运了
Because there is a new website for Bernie supporters who are looking for love. Right?
伯尼·桑德斯的支持者现在有了一个专门的网站可以帮他们找到真爱
No, it's true. It's called Bernie singles.com.
真的 叫做伯尼单身网
We are not making this up. This is completely real.
这不是我编的 绝对真实
Honestly, and what a great idea for a dating site.
说真的 对于需要相亲的人来说 这主意真的很不错
Because if there is anything that makes people horny, it's this.
如果有一个什么东西能让人硬起来 就是这个了
And in fairness, it makes sense that Bernie would have a dating website
讲道理 伯尼办这么个网站是讲的通的
because he looks just like the eHarmony guy.
因为他跟eHarmony的老板长的真的很像
If that guy stuck his finger in a light sock it.
如果这个人站在光下 就是一样了
This is like a lot of dating websites with a couple of differences.
这个网站跟很多相亲网站差不多 但也有一些不同
On Bernie's website you have two choices.
在伯尼网 你有两个选择
You can swipe left or swipe far left.
左滑和再次左滑
Now and I know what are you going to ask.
我知道你们想问什么
And yes, the Clintons also have their own dating website.
答案是 是的 克林顿一家也有自己的相亲网站
It's called Ashley Madison.
叫做阿什利·麦迪逊
Now as you may have guessed,
你可能猜到了
Bernie Singles isn't the only business to cash in on Bernie Sanders hot bad boy image.
伯尼单身网并不是唯一一家利用商业来给伯尼·桑德斯赚钱的公司
Because a woman in Oregon has opened a business selling homemade weed pipes with Bernie's campaign logo on them.
俄勒冈州的一位女士开了一家公司卖手工制作的吸大麻的烟斗 上面还有伯尼的竞选标志
I will say, weed pipes are the perfect gift for Bernie supporters.
我想说 大麻烟斗实在是很适合伯尼的支持者
Do you know what I mean? It's like getting a nice bottle of wine for a Hillary supporter.
知道为什么吗 就像漂亮的酒瓶适合希拉里的支持者
Or getting somebody who wants to vote for Ted Cruz a machine gun made out of bibles.
用圣经做的枪适合泰德·科鲁兹的支持者
The Bernie business machine doesn't just stop with drug paraphernalia
伯尼的支持者们不仅做了用来吸大麻的烟斗
because today a company in Brooklyn has started preorders on the world's very first Bernie Sanders action figure. Right?
今天布鲁克林的一家制作伯尼·桑德斯形象玩偶的公司已经开放预定
Look at that. It's true.
看这个 这是真事儿
You can bend all of the action figures arms and legs which is very different from the actual Bernie Sanders.
这个玩偶的胳膊和腿都可以弯曲 所以跟真正的伯尼·桑德斯不太一样
The action figure even talks and says Bernie's signature catch phrase,
这个玩偶还会讲伯尼·桑德斯的签名常用语
close the door, you're letting all the air in.
关门 冷空气都进来了
We made fun of this action figure. It's actually pretty cool.
这个玩偶很好玩 真的很酷
Like what a fun way to teach kids that it's okay to play with strange old men.
它简直是用来教小孩子跟怪老头玩也没什么事的最好教具
Regardless of what happens with the election,
不管结果如何
I think we can safely say that Bernie is truly a man of the people.
我觉得说伯尼是个亲民的人 是没什么错的
He's the only candidate who understands what people in this country are really all about.
他是唯一一个完全理解国民的候选人人
Finding love, getting high, and playing with yourself.
寻找真爱 吸毒吸到飘飘欲仙 还有跟自己玩
