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Back at you. I appreciate it so very much.
又回来了 非常感谢你们
And you're going to have to save that for later on.
你们得攒着晚点儿用
You're going to need the energy to carry out all the gifts that I'm going give you.
要留着力气拿我送给你们的礼物
Yup. And remember, lift with the legs-- the legs.
没错 记住 要用两只腿拿 用腿
That's later in the show. Right now, I want to talk about something else.
这是晚点的事儿了 现在 我想先说点别的
Because it's my show, and I can do whatever I want.
因为这是我的节目呀 我想做什么就做什么
Yeah, yeah, a third of you agree with me.
嗯 嗯 三分之一同意我说的
How many of you send holiday cards?
你们有多少人会送节日卡片？
OK. See? And then some people don't.
好 看到了吧 有些人是不发的
I've noticed there are two types of people, those who send holiday cards and those who don't.
我发现有两种人 送节日卡片和不送的
And those who do, I've noticed there are two kinds of people, as well--
而且送卡片的人也有两种
those who do it well and those who don't.
那就是做的很好的人和做的不好的人
So now we're up to four types. There's a lot of types of people, everybody.
现在一共就有四种了 其实有很多种人
People were serious about their holiday cards.
人们对自己的节日卡片很认真
Because they have to choose one picture to capture the essence of their entire family--
因为他们必须得选出一张能反映他们全家人精髓的照片
or at least what you want people to think your entire family is.
或者至少是你想让别人对你们一家人产生的看法
So when people open the card, they're like, oh, it's the Davisons.
这样等人们打开贺卡的时候 他们的反应是 哦 这是Davison一家
Look at them in matching flannel running through the leaves with their golden retriever.
看他们穿着和谐的法兰绒跟大金毛一起在落叶上跑步
But you know the Davisons And you know they're not outdoorsy people.
但你了解Davison一家 他们根本就不喜欢户外活动
They're indoorsy. There's probably tags still on the flannel.
他们很宅的 说不定那法兰绒衣服上还挂着标签呢
They're going to return the flannel tomorrow.
他们明天就会把衣服退回去
They don't own a golden retriever.
他们也没有大金毛
They don't have a dog at all.
他们压根儿就没养狗
If they really wanted to show you what the family is like,
如果他们真想让你知道他们家是什么样子
they'd send a picture of mom and dad drinking peppermint schnapps.
那应该给你发一张老爸老妈一起喝薄荷酒的照片
And the kids are ripping stuffing out of the couch cushions.
还有孩子们在撕拉沙发垫
Or at least that's-- the Davisons have the decency to just send one picture.
至少这还是 Davison还有自觉只发一张照片
There's always that family that they can't decide on which picture, so they send all of them.
通常还有很多家庭 他们决定不了选哪张照片 于是就把所有照片一股脑全发给你
It's like a teeny, tiny montage of their entire-- don't send that card to me.
感觉就像是他们一辈子的回顾 可别给我发这样的东西
I don't have time to get my glasses. I don't.
我可没时间戴上老花镜慢慢看 没时间
It's a holiday greeting, not your family's life history.
这是个节日问候 不是要了解你们的家族史
Here's another important rule. Keep your holiday letters brief.
还有一条很重要的规则 节日信件一定要简洁
Act like it's Twitter-- and not the new Twitter where you can use extra words-- the old Twitter.
就像你发推文一样 不是可以发更多字的新推特 而是以前的旧版推特
If you need more than a page to tell me what's new with your family, you have too many kids.
如果你得写一页多来告诉我你家的最新进展 那我只能说们孩子生多了
And I think I can speak for all of us.
我觉得我可以代表大家发言
If you're going to make us go through the trouble of reading your holiday letter, put some cash in there.
如果你要让我们费劲去看你的节日信件 那就在里面放点钱
$1.00, like $1.00 a word. That's what it should be.
1美元 比如1个字1美元 这样才对
So to recap, one picture, 140 characters or less, and send cash.
简要概括一下 1张照片 不超过140字 再加点现金
In case you're still unsure of what not to do this, is a montage of some pretty bad holiday cards.
如果你还不清楚什么不该做 这是一些很糟糕的节日卡片的视频
But they're good. Enjoy.
但它们看起来还不错 一起来欣赏
Uh-huh, yup.
啊哈 耶
