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Wanna show them your smile?
给大家笑一个好不好？
Stockton was my long-awaited boy.
斯托克顿是我盼了好久的男孩儿。
He was, the happiest kid .
他是，我们家最幸福的孩子。
spoiled rotten.
都被我们宠坏了。
Up, shake, lay.
起来，握手，躺下。
I would say Stockton was very comfortable with being gay; I think Stockton was very uncomfortable with being alone.
我觉得，当一个同性恋对斯托克顿来说是很舒服的；一个人才会让他非常不舒服。
That was June 27th of 2016.
那天是2016年6月27日。
If someone would've told me that, I would be coming back to my son being gone, I wouldn't have ever guessed it.
如果有人对我说，我回到他身边的时候他已经走了，我怎么想都想不到。
I don't know; I don't know what kind of just pushed him that day.
我不知道；不知道那天是什么事情刺激了他。
I think that's one of the hardest things, not knowing, you know, as a mom,
我觉得这才是最让人难以承受的，作为一个妈妈，你连孩子是怎么走的都不知道，
and if I could've, I would've done anything, to keep him here.
要是能将他留在这个世界上，我什么都愿意。
We hear about the gay kids who are taking their lives, but now it really did happen, it wasn't just someone said it, I live it; it's real.
我们也听说过同性恋孩子结束自己的生命的事情，但现在这种事真的发生了，它不再是道听途说的故事，而成了现实，我就有过亲身经历；是真的。
You can't sit and see a kid suffer;
你不能坐那儿眼睁睁地看着孩子受苦；
or see a kid talk about how they're worth nothing, and that their only two options is either to leave the church, or to commit suicide.
也不能眼睁睁地看孩子说他们是多么没用，说他们就只有离开教堂或者自杀两个选择。
I've dealt with those kind of situations with kids.
我和孩子们一起经历过这种情况。
If I didn't have Jill, part of me thinks I probably wouldn't be here right now.
如果没有吉尔，我现在可能就不会站在这里了。
How are you?
你好。
Suicide is something that I've struggled with for a while.
自杀这个问题我已经纠结很长一段时间了。
There was a time I even thought that my parents would rather me die than to marry a man,
有段时间我甚至觉得我的父母会宁愿我死也不愿意我和一个男人结婚，
and so it's something that, logically, I thought made the most sense.
所以，我觉得，从逻辑上来讲，自杀是最行得通的办法。
I was having a really, really, really hard time, and so I was talking to a friend about it,
那时候我真的非常非常非常非常煎熬，所以我就跟一个朋友说了我的问题，
and he said, "Well, I have someone I can put you in contact with, her name is Jill and she's a Mama Dragon,"
他说，“是这样，我认识一个人，你可以联系一下，她叫吉尔，是一位龙妈妈，”
and I had no idea what in the world the Mama Dragons were.
那时我完全不知道龙妈妈是个什么鬼。
So it's been interesting that, in the space of a couple years, Jill has now become such an integral part of my life.
所以，没想到这两年下来，吉尔已经成了我生活中不可或缺的一部分，是不是很有意思。
We're just his home; he is welcome here; we love Shane as a family, but I think it is taking a long time for him to really, start to realize how wonderful he is.
我们就是他的家；他在这里是受欢迎的；我们会像家人一样爱他，但我觉得他还需要很长一段时间才会意识到他自己是多棒的一个孩子。
He's had to go through a lot of dark times.
他必然会经历很多黑暗时期。
It's very hard to be both openly gay and a very active, serious member of the church.
要想公开自己的同性恋身份，同时还积极参与教会的活动是很困难的。
You know, how do I choose between, literally, two parts of who I am?
我应该在我的两个自我之间如何抉择？
I think that's a challenge that lots of people had to experience.
我想，这是很多人都必然会经历的一个挑战。
