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Asian-American writer Amy Tan had a difficult relationship with her mother Daisy.
美籍华裔女作家谭恩美和母亲黛西的关系不融洽。
At one point, Daisy held a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her when the two of them argued over Amy's new boyfriend.
有一次，黛西拿着刀抵着自己的喉咙威胁要自杀，当时她们因为恩美新男友的问题而发生争执。
Daisy would often threaten to kill herself and attempted suicide once but failed hoping to join her mother who died committing suicide.
黛西经常威胁要自杀，有一次自杀未遂，扬言要随她母亲而去，她的母亲也是自杀而亡。
Amy Tan grew up with a neurotic toxic relationship with her mother that was life-threatening and traumatizing.
谭恩美和她母亲的关系是神经质有害的，这样的关系危及生命且让人受到精神创伤。
What's scary about toxic relationships is that the signs aren't always clearly visible.
有害关系的恐怖之处在于其迹象并非总是显而易见的。
In fact, some girls don't realize they have an unhealthy bond with their mothers until they are older or in some cases when it's too late.
事实上，一些女孩并没有意识到她们和母亲之间不健康的情感纽带，直到她们长大成人或者为时已晚。
Has there always been a subtle tension between you and your mother but you're not sure why?
你和母亲之间总存在一种微妙的紧张感，但你并不确定其中原因么？
Do you often feel afraid of your mother? Here's six types of unhealthy mother-daughter relationships.
你是否经常对母亲感到害怕？以下是不健康母女关系的六种类型。
One: Bosom buddies.
1. 闺中密友。
This is when the mother is more concerned about being her daughter's best friend more than playing the role of a parent.
在此情况中，母亲更关心成为女儿的闺蜜，而不是去扮演母亲的角色。
The mother knows every little detail about her daughter's life and although she offers great emotional support.
这类母亲知道关于女儿的每个小细节，她们也会给予情感上的支持。
As her daughter gets older and wants to branch out and do independent activities, the mother will continue to smother her.
随着女儿年龄的增长，想要朝新的方向拓展，想要开始独立活动时，她的母亲将会继续牵制住她。
In this type of relationship, the daughter rarely gets disciplined by her mother
在这种关系中，女儿很少得到母亲的管教
and has a hard time building practical life skills because she wasn't given the proper guidance.
由于缺乏适当的引导，她们难以掌握实用的生活技能。
Two: Boss and subordinate.
2. 老板和下属。
This is when the mother wants to control and dominate her daughter's life.
这种情况中，母亲希望掌握女儿的生活。
The mother is often very demanding, rigid, closed-minded and expects the daughter to follow her rules and expectations.
这种母亲经常会非常苛刻、严格、思想保守且期望她的女儿遵照自己的规则和期望。
She typically lacks empathy and puts pressure on her daughter to perform well.
她缺乏同理心，为了女儿表现优异而给女儿施压。
The daughter often feels as though she has to be perfect to win her mother's approval,
这样的女儿经常感觉要赢得母亲的认可就必须完美。
she also suffers from low self-esteem problems and fears being rejected or judged harshly by others.
她还会遭遇自尊心低的问题，害怕被他人拒绝或严厉评价。
As the daughter gets older, she will grow resentful of her mother and will typically rebel whether it's done loudly or quietly.
随着女儿的成长，她会开始憎恨她的母亲，会进行无声或激烈的反抗。
Three: Rivals.
3. 竞争对手。
In this relationship the mother sees her daughter as a rival or threat.
在这样的关系中，母亲将她的女儿视为对手或威胁。
Although the mother may seem as though she's supportive of her daughter,
虽然母亲似乎也会给女儿以支持，
on the inside she feels insecure about herself when she's with her.
但在另一方面，和女儿在一起时，她会觉得没安全感。
The mother constantly compares herself to her daughter to see who is prettier, thinner, smarter and more successful
母亲总是和女儿比谁更漂亮、更苗条、更聪明、更成功
rather than developing a relationship based on understanding and acceptance.
而不是发展一种基于理解和接受的关系。
The daughter usually feels internally conflicted and unworthy.
这样的女儿内心通常感到矛盾和羞愧。
Four: The role-reversal relationship.
4. 角色颠倒的关系。
This is when the mother expects her daughter to play the role of a parent and be there to support her.
这种关系中，母亲希望她的女儿扮演父母的角色支持她。
This relationship is one-sided and the daughter feels abandoned, used and neglected.
这种关系是单方面的，女儿会感到被抛弃、被利用、被忽视。
The mother is only concerned about her own needs and makes sure she's the one being nurtured by her daughter.
母亲只关心自己的需求，确保自己是那个被女儿养护的人。
At a young age, the daughter learned that she must sacrifice herself and put others first.
小时候，女儿学会必须奉献自己，把别人放在首位。
As she gets older, she often suffers from low self-esteem issues and has a hard time saying no in setting healthy boundaries for herself.
长大后，她们经常会出现自尊心地下的问题，且在为自己设立健康界限的时候难以开口说不。
Five: The ghost.
4. 失孤式关系。
In this relationship, the mother can either be emotionally and or physically unavailable to her daughter.
在这种关系中，女儿得不到母亲在情感和身体上依靠。
If the mother is emotionally unavailable,
如果是在情感上的缺失，
she may choose to withdraw or withhold love from her daughter and give it to her other child.
那么她会选择保留或剥夺对女儿的爱，并将这份爱给了其他的孩子。
If the mother decides to ghost, she leaves and gives her daughter up to either her other biological parent
如果母亲决定离去，她会离开并放弃自己的女儿，要么把她留给另一半
or another guardian who can take care of her.
要么把她送给其他可以照顾她的监护人。
The daughter usually doesn't receive an explanation or closure for why her mother left
这样的女儿经常得不到母亲离去的解释
and usually grows up with an empty void.
成长过程中也会伴有情感的空虚。
Six: Good mom/bad mom.
6. 好妈妈/坏妈妈。
This is an erratic relationship between the mother and daughter.
这是一种不稳定的母女关系。
The daughter never knows whether the bad mom or good mom will show up
女儿不知道出现的是好妈妈还是坏妈妈
she often faces hot and cold treatment from her and fears her mom.
她经常受到母亲忽冷忽热的对待。
The mother usually acts good when they are out in public and there are others around them,
这样的母亲通常在人前表现亲善，
she displays kind behavior, smiles and pretends to care for her daughter.
她表现友善、会微笑、假装关心她的女儿。
But when it's just the two of them the mother will show her true colors and acts dismissive, neglectful and cold.
但没别人的时候，母亲会展现她的真面目，并表现出轻蔑、忽视和冷淡的一面。
In this relationship, the mother only wants to put up a good image when she has to and fails to connect with her daughter.
在这种关系中，母亲仅在需要的时候才会展现出好的形象，却没能和女儿建立情感的关联。
Which type of unhealthy mother-daughter relationship do you resonate with?
你对哪一种不健康母女关系的类型有共鸣？
We know how hard it is to talk about toxic family dynamics and want to be a safe non-judgmental place for you.
我们知道要谈论有毒家庭动态很难，我们想成为你安全的港湾。
Please share your story with us down below.
请在下方分享你的故事。
Also don't forget to subscribe for more content from Psych2go and check out our Patreon. Thanks for watching.
还有，不要忘记订阅Psych2go了解更多内容，并关注我们的Patreon。感谢收看。
