Right, so here's what I'd like to say.

Today-you know, every day, I come out here and I deliver a monologue.

And I know it looks easy.

I make it look easy, because I'm that good.

But it's hard work monologuing everyday.

I monologue my ass off.

And it occurred to me that I can have someone help me do the monologue.

That way it takes a little bit of pressure off of me, and if it's not funny, I say it's their fault.

So that's what I'm going to do today.

So you know him from his old show, "Will and Grace,"

and his new show, "Will and Grace," please welcome Sean Hayes.

Have a seat. Not as much applause for him, please.

That was a lot more-Exactly the same joke.

You were going to say the same joke.

Yeah, exactly. I was going to say mine was a little bigger, but that's OK.

No, it wasn't bigger. They like to make my guests feel welcome.

Thanks for being here, Sean. I appreciate it.

Yes, thanks for having me. All right.

I'm so excited, especially because I'm told this will count towards my court ordered community service.

I didn't realize that you had been arrested.

Yes, for stealing. For stealing? What did you steal?

America's hearts. Thank you.

All right, so here's what's going to happen.

We both found some stories in the news.

I'll give my take, you'll give your take.

OK, so kind of like a he said, she said.

Yep, but it's my show, so she said, he said.

All right, here's the first story

the US embassy in Australia issued an apology for accidentally e-mailing out an invitation to a cat pajama party.

If this story teaches me one thing, it's that marijuana is legal in Australia.

I would like to go myself, because this is exactly what I look like on Sunday afternoon.

In the afternoon? Yeah. OK.

Here's a story I found all by myself.

A doctor in Tennessee borrowed $300,000 from a patient and then diagnosed her with dementia when she asked for it back.

Two words-gene-yes.

You get $300,000, and a $40 copay.

I'm more concerned that a doctor needs to borrow money.

If your doctor ask you for $300,000, step out of his van and get a new doctor.

Here's one more.

A woman had sex with 20 ghosts and is now engaged to a spirit.

I'm glad she found her boo.

And people have a problem with us getting married. I know.

Here's another one I saw.

A bus driver in India has been suspended after he let a monkey take the wheel.

In the bus driver's defense, the monkey's name was Jesus.

Jesus take the wheel.

Also in the bus driver's defense, it's hilarious.