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Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. Thank you.
女士们先生们 谢谢大家
You're intense with your scream, madam, you really, have a seat, thank you so much.
这位女士 从尖叫声听起来 您似乎很紧张 请坐 谢谢您
Ladies and gentlemen, the 2016 election just keeps getting crazier. It really does.
女士们先生们 2016年总统大选的竞争越来越激烈 真的
Yesterday Ted Cruz, the man mathematically eliminated from becoming president, picked his vice president.
昨天泰德·科鲁兹 也就是那位从概率上来看已经不可能当上总统的候选人 选出了自己未来的副总统
Cruz chose Carly Fiorina as his running mate.
科鲁兹选择了卡莉·费奥莉娜为自己的竞选伙伴
Yeah. I know. Carly Fiorina, what a trail blazer.
我知道你们在想什么 卡莉·费奥莉娜 一位多么伟大的开拓者
The first woman ever to lose the republican nomination twice in three months.
首位在三个月内两次从共和党提名落选的女士
Like again, just to be clear, there is no way Ted Cruz could even get the nomination.
我想再说一次 泰德·科鲁兹已经没有获得提名的可能了
He's now like a six-year old, pretending to be president, right?
他现在就像是个扮演总统的6岁小孩
I'm pretty sure we're going to see Ted Cruz driving around in a mini van with air force one spray painted on the sides.
我们还能看见他开着一辆小卡车 旁边空军一号给他划着线
He'll be dressing up all of his daughter's dolls like visors going yes, that is a good point about health care, thank you Malibu Barbie.
他还会给女儿的玩偶带上遮阳帽 说 没错 这是个养生的好建议 谢谢你马里布·芭比
And we are basically one—no, please, sir, thank you.
我们只——不用了先生 谢谢
We are basically one month away from Cruz holding his own republican national convention at the hooters in Texas.
再过一个月 科鲁兹就要在德克萨斯州的猫头鹰餐厅举办共和党议会了
Like becoming Ted Cruz's running mate was a horrible decision for Carly Fiorina.
答应做泰德·科鲁兹的竞选伙伴对卡莉·费奥莉娜来说真的不是什么明智的决定
And in less than 24 hours she somehow managed to make a decision that was even worse.
而且就在不到24小时之前 她还做了个更错的决定
And that was singing at a campaign rally.
就是在竞选活动中唱歌
But we've been traveling around the country.
我们环游了整个国家
And I have come to know Ted and Heidi and Caroline and Catherine.
我认识了泰德 海蒂 凯若琳和凯瑟琳
I know two girls that I just adore.
我认识了两个可爱的女孩
I am so happy I can see them more.
很开心能了解她们
Cuz we travel on the bus all day.
因为我们整日乘着巴士旅行
We get to play. We get to play.
我们一起玩闹 我们一起玩闹
I won't bore you with any more of the song.
我就不唱歌来烦你们了
Trust us, Carly, nobody was bored.
相信我 卡莉 没人觉得烦
Boredom was definitely not the emotion we felt when watching that.
看的时候我们的感受绝对不是烦
Baffled, yes. Transfixed, sure.
困惑 有 惊讶 当然也有
Filled with embarrassment, absolutely.
尴尬的不行 也有
But not bored. No one was bored.
但是没有烦躁 没有人觉得烦
I mean I don't know what to do first, Beyonce releases lemonade and now this?
我不知道如何是好 碧昂斯唱了柠檬水 你就唱这个
It's a historic week for music.
真是音乐史上有重大历史意义的一周
Carly Fiorina actually has an angelic voice, she does, in the way that Ted Cruz has an angelic face.
卡莉·费奥莉娜有一副天使般的嗓子 正如泰德·科鲁兹有一张天使般的面孔
At the end of the day, Carly Fiorina reminded us all what being the vice president is all about.
最后 卡莉·费奥莉娜告诉了我们当副总统是怎么回事儿
And that is singing songs about the president's children.
也就是唱歌赞美总统的小孩
But it's clear that there are certain places you should never sing.
但众所周知 你永远不能在某些地方唱歌
One is a campaign rally.
一是竞选活动现场
The other is in a court room but that is exactly what happened in Michigan recently
另一个是法庭 但就在最近 密歇根一位被告为了表示自己有多懊悔
where a man who was standing trial tried to show he was remorseful for his crime by serenading the judge during his sen tension.
为了表示自己有多懊悔 对着法官唱了小夜曲
Check it out.
一起来看
I wrote a song.
我写了一首歌
Hello there. I want to say I'm sorry.
你们好 对我做过的事
For things I've done. I try and be stronger.
我想说声抱歉 我想变得更强大
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
对不起 对不起 对不起 对不起 对不起
All of his lawyers, you could see his lawyers sitting there going oh, that was not the defense we rehearsed.
所有的律师 你会发现在座的所有律师都是一副 跟我们之前说好的不一样啊的表情
I told you to do something more upbeat like a show tune.
我跟你说了要用流行风格 主题要积极点
I mean luckily no one was hurt.
幸运的是没有人受伤
The man has been charged with carrying a concealed weapon.
这个人的罪名是非法携带武器
That weapon he was concealing was his killer voice.
武器就是他的嗓子
If I'm not mistaken he was singing to the tune of an Adele song, right?
如果我没记错的话 他唱的应该是阿黛尔的歌 对吧
Which is ironic because soon he's going to be saying hello from the other side of some prison bars.
很讽刺 因为马上他就要在监狱里唱来自另一边的问候了
What's really cool is that you can see on that, halfway through the song,
还有 说不定唱歌唱到一半的时候
the judge hit a red button and spun around in his chair and went that's the voice I've been looking for.
法官突然按下一个 红色按钮 把椅子转了一圈 说 这就是我要找的声音
You're going to Hollywood maximum security prison.
你会进好莱坞最大的监狱
The judge heard this man's apology.
法官听到了他的道歉
And he did take his remorse into consideration.
也认真做了考虑
And he responded by saying, yes, it's too late to say sorry.
然后回到 现在说抱歉已经太晚了
