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Side effects may include...
副作用包括……
Everyone thinking of eating that extra cookie?
有人想过多吃一块饼干吗
Yeah, yeah. We're all been there.
嗯 嗯 在座都是啊
If you are thinking of eating that extra cookie,
如果你想过再多吃一块饼干
you should know there are side effects and those side effects may include...
你应该知道 这是有副作用的 副作用包括……
Deciding that one more cookie ain't gonna hurt anybody.
想反正多吃一块饼干又不会伤害到谁
Eating another cookie.
再吃一块
Screw it, if I'm gonna eat one more cookie, why not eat two more cookies?
去他的 如果我想再吃两块 为什么不干脆再多吃两块呢
Four more cookies is only two more cookies than two cookies. Fine. Four more cookies.
多吃四块也只是比两块又多了两块而已 没事 再吃四块
At the end of the day, 20 cookies ain't gonna kill me.
最后 再吃20块也不会死
Oh my god, it's Friday. I didn't go to work this week.
我的天周五了 我这个星期没去上班
I just ate cookies non-stop for five days.
光吃了五天的饼干了
And the final side effect of eating the extra cookie is death by cookie.
再多吃一块饼干的终极副作用是死于饼干
Anyone thinking—Anyone thinking of realizing a cop car is behind you?
有没有人——有没有人想过发现有一辆警车在跟着你
Completely normal question.
这很正常
If you're thinking of realizing a cop car is behind you,
如果你想过发现你后面有一辆警车
you should know there are side effects and those side effects may include...
你应该知道 这是有副作用的 副作用包括……
Experiencing that tingling pang of panic in your under arms, as you assume they're after you.
想到的时候 腋下突然一阵剧痛
Furiously searching for a visible speed limit sign.
愤怒的寻找着限速标志
Reasoning that 25 miles per hour is a universally safe speed and slowing down.
自我安慰时速25英里也并不算快 然后减速
Wondering if he knows you had one beer at lunch earlier today.
想那个警察是不是知道了你午餐的时候喝了一杯啤酒
Wondering if he knows you smoked a bowl with bobby last weekend.
想他是不是知道了你上周跟波比一起嗑药了
Wondering if he knows you once dabbled in male prostitution to pay for college.
想他是不是知道了你为了凑够学费卖过身
Nothing serious, just hand jobs.
别的什么都没做 只用了手
And the final side effect of realizing a cop car is behind you
想过发现你身后有一辆警车的终极副作用是
is driving to the police station and turning yourself in to very confused cops.
一直开到警察局 向一群懵逼的警察自首
Anybody thinking of accidentally hearting your ex-girlfriend's Instagram post.
有没有人想过不小心给前女友的Ins点赞的
Well, what a strange reaction.
哇 你们反应好奇怪哦
Oh, don't talk about that. This is America.
别说了 这儿是美国
Well, if you're thinking of accidentally hearting your ex-girlfriend's Instagram post
如果你想过不小心给前女友的Ins点赞的
you should know there are side effects and those side effects may include...
你应该知道 这是有副作用的 副作用包括……
Immediately unhearting it.
赶紧取消赞
Realizing she'll get the notification anyways.
意识到反正不管怎样她都会收到提醒的
Hoping it will just make her confused. I mean, Annie was always pretty dumb.
希望她只会觉得困惑 不会想多 反正 安妮一直傻傻的
What am I saying? No, she wasn't.
我说什么了 不 她不傻
Annie, you were smart and beautiful and funny
安妮 你又聪明 又漂亮 还有趣
and the light I needed in my life at the moment I truly needed it and I took you for granted and I'm sorry.
你就是我的生命之光 是我把这一切当成理所当然 对不起
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything.
对不起 是我对不起你
Deep down, I think I meant to heart this picture,
在我心里 我其实很想点赞
because I still love you, I never stopped loving you.
那是因为我还爱你 我从来没停止过爱你
And the final side effect for accidentally hearting your ex-girlfriend's Instagram post
不小心给前女友的Ins点赞的终极副作用就是
is wondering how to delete a comment on your ex-girlfriend's Instagram post.
思考 怎么样才能删掉你前女友Ins下面的评论
