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I know why you're so happy, I know why you're so happy,
我知道大家今天为什么这么高兴
because the big news today, we all know, it's Donald Trump's birthday!
因为今天有条大新闻 我们都知道 今天是唐纳德·特朗普的生日
That's right, yeah. We've all been celebrating all day! This is a big milestone.
没错 我们今天一直在庆祝 这是具有里程碑意义的大事件
I mean, Trump may have turned 70, but his views about women are 150 years old.
特朗普可能已经70岁了 但他看女性的眼光就像159岁的
I imagine it must be tough to buy Trump a gift, though.
我在想 给特朗普准备礼物应该挺艰难的
Do you know what I mean? Like what do you get the man who hates everything?
你们明白我意思吗 如果一个人讨厌一切东西 你要送给他什么好呢
At his party, they had cake, they had party favors,
他的生日宴会上 有蛋糕 有纪念品
and they played some really fun games like, pin the bad economy on the Obama.
还玩小游戏 比如 把糟糕的经济形势 都说成奥巴马的锅
The best part is, they didn't have to hire a clown.
最棒的是 他们连小丑都不用请人来演
Not better than that.
没有比宴会主人更合适的了
Donald Trump may be celebrating his birthday, but I know one news organization who isn't invited to the party.
唐纳德·特朗普庆祝生日的同时 有一家新闻并没有接到邀请
Donald recently banned the Washington post, revoking their press credentials at his campaign events.
因为唐纳德最近撤销了华盛顿邮报的办报执照 拒绝他们报道自己的大选事宜
He says he did this because they were dishonest, yeah.
他说自己这么做是因为华盛顿邮报不诚实
I know it sounds crazy to say you're punishing someone by banning them from a Trump rally.
虽然这么说听起来很奇葩 不过 惩罚一家新闻的措施竟然是把他们从特朗普的支持者中踢出来
In an official statement, Trump's campaign said, we no longer feel compelled to work with a publication
再一次官方活动中 特朗普发言说 我们不希望自己国家有这样的媒体
which has put its need for clicks above journalistic integrity.
他们只着眼于点击量 却抛弃了媒体人的正直品格
Big words from a man who once tweeted and this is real.
这话从特朗普嘴里数出来真是难以想象 这种事居然还真实发生了
Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart.
罗伯特·帕丁森不应该故用克里斯汀·斯图尔特
She cheated on him like a dog and will do it again!
她曾经把他骗的那么惨 她一定还会骗他第二次的
But this is serious stuff.
说点严肃的
So far Trump has revoked the press credentials of the Washington post, Gawker,
特朗普已经撤销了华盛顿邮报 高客网
the Huffington post, Univision, Politico, Buzzfeed, and the Des Moines register.
赫芬顿邮报 悠景科技 政客网 Buzzfeed和狄蒙记录报的办报资格
So say what you will about Donald Trump, but I think he's going to make a great president of North Korea.
我们还能拿他怎么办呢 不过我觉得唐纳德·特朗普很适合做朝鲜的总统
If Trump keeps banning news organizations, who will be left?
如果特朗普把所有政治报纸全禁言了 还有什么能剩下的
Like it's just going to be, like, cat fancy magazine and cigar aficionado,
那就只有猫迷和年度雪茄了
and every press conference is going to be like, Mr. Trump, Mr. Trump, what is your stance on cigars—classy or really, really classy?
到时候新闻发布会就变成了 特朗普先生 特朗普先生 请问你最喜欢哪种雪茄——高级的还是特别高级的
But one person who will always stay on Trump's good side is New Jersey governor Chris Christie.
但有个人一定会一直站在特朗普这边 他就是新泽西州的州长克里斯·克里斯蒂
After endorsing Trump, it seems like he's been acting as Trump's assistant.
选择支持特朗普之后 他俨然成了特朗普的助理
Because—In fact, it was reported that a Trump staffer took Snapchat footage of Chris Christie picking up Donald Trump's lunch at McDonald's.
因为——实际上 有报道说特朗普的手下还拍了克里斯·克里斯蒂去麦当劳给唐纳德·特朗普买午餐的视频
Now, I will say, there was video of him picking up the lunch,
我就要说了 虽然确实是有克里斯蒂取午餐的视频
but nobody has the video of the lunch ever making it back to Donald Trump.
但并没有视频证明是唐纳德·特朗普吃了这份午餐啊
I mean, we make fun of Chris Christie,
虽然我们在这取消克里斯·克里斯蒂
but picking up the lunch order is the least embarrassing thing you could be doing for the Trump campaign.
但是给特朗普去午餐算是最不尴尬的在给特朗普做事了
I mean, who's the guy who took that video?
谁拍的视频
Like you're the one snapchatting. The guy who's picking up lunch.
如果你是拍视频的人 拍到这个人在去午餐
It is not exactly a resumeé builder.
那就说明他肯定不是负责给特朗普写简历的
Now, you can make fun of Chris Christie, but he and Trump are friends.
你们取消克里斯·克里斯蒂 但他跟特朗普是好朋友啊
Friends pick up each other's food sometimes.
好朋友帮对方取个餐不是挺正常的吗
They get each other's backs, even when it's raining.
他们互相帮助 下雨的时候
A friend will share their umbrella with you.
也会把伞分给对方一点
