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I appreciate it. Thank you so much!
谢谢 谢谢大家
Ladies and gentlemen, of course the big story of course on the horizon right now is
女士们先生们 当下最热门的新闻当然是
the summer Olympic games in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil.
巴西 里约热内卢的奥林匹克运动会了
And there's a lot of controversy around these Olympics and now Russia's track and field team
不过现在这场运动会中起了些许矛盾 俄罗斯的田径队
are barred from the competition altogether after widespread allegations of use of performance-enhancing drugs.
因为被举报使用兴奋剂而被全面禁赛
Now apparently the Russian athletes were so upset they barely had enough of an appetite to finish their morning bowl of steroids.
现在俄罗斯的运动员们特别沮丧 以至于连早上的类固醇都吃不下了
Now I'm no expert, right? But I believe getting banned from running is a reward not a punishment. I do.
我不是什么专家 但是我相信被禁赛是一种奖赏 而不是惩罚 真的
You only run if you are being chased that's where I grew up.
在我出生的那里 你只有在被别人追赶的时候才需要跑
Now the Russians tried to cover up their doping.
现在俄罗斯对正试图隐瞒他们使用兴奋剂的事
There are reports that for many years Russian athletes have evaded authorities to escape being tested.
有报道称 多年以来 俄罗斯队参赛一直绕着奥组委走 就是为了躲避检查
Of course they're impossible to catch because they're Olympians.
当然你也抓不住他们 毕竟都是运动健儿嘛
They're like hey, can we give you a drug test—and he's gone!
工作人员上去说 你好 我们想检查一下——他跑了
Speaking of the Olympics, it seems that many of the athletes, I do not know if you read this,
说到奥运会 不知道你们看过这个没有
are freezing their sperm before they head to Rio because of fears over the Zika virus.
似乎很多运动员因为害怕寨卡病毒 他们出发前会冷冻自己的精子
You know. So I guess you can say that not all of our swimmers will be headed to Rio.
所以可以说并不是我们所有的游泳运动员都去了里约
One of my own. Actually one of my own. Terrible joke. But a little advice to the athletes.
这条我自己写的 真的 写的太差劲了 但是给运动员们一个小建议啊
If you're freezing your sperm don't keep it in your own freezer at home...
如果你们要冻住精子的话 不要把它放在家里的冰箱里
And if you do, label it very, very clearly. Just take my word for it!
如果你准备这么干 千万要贴好标签 反正听我的就对了
You just know that a lot of guys who are just using this as an excuse.
很多人也会用这个当借口
Like I can just imagine loans of wives walking in on them as they slam down the computer
想象下 丈夫砸电脑的时候 妻子向丈夫走过去 丈夫说
and going, no, I'm training for Rio, I don't want to do this, I'm training!
我是在为里约做准备 我也不想的 我只是在训练
Another injection story. A man in Minneapolis, Minnesota is suing the TSA claiming that overly long airport security lines caused him to miss a flight.
还有一条 一名来自明尼苏达州明尼阿波利斯的男士起诉了美国运输安全管理局 因为安检时排长队导致他错过了航班
It seems like a strange move until you realize there's no jury in the world that will side with the TSA.
后面你会发现一件奇怪的事 因为世界上没有任何一个法官会和运输安全管理局站在一边
It's like I'm suing the TSA. And the jury is like, yeah, you win! You win!
我想告TSA 法官说 嗯你赢了 你赢了
Moving a big news from the tech world. I do not know if you saw this.
还有一条不知道你们看过没有 科技圈的
Microsoft announced this week that they will develop a series of software programs
微软本周宣布将会开发一系列软件
to aid in the sale and distribution of legalized marijuana, right.
这些软件将会用于推进大麻销售的合法化
All you have to say to get Reggie, say the words legalized—Reggie says like yeah.
想撩起雷吉的兴致 只要跟他说合法化这个词就好了——雷吉特别喜欢这个词
If you ask me this is a monopoly.
如果你说这是垄断的话
Microsoft is now selling you the xbox and the very thing that makes the xbox fun.
微软正在销售的是xbox 以及唯一能让xbox不那么无聊的东西
This is a milestone for marijuana industry.
这是大麻行业的一块里程碑啊
Experts are claiming Microsoft is the first major publicly traded company that takes advantage of legalization.
专家说 微软是唯一一家能够利用立法权的大型贸易公司
'Are you sure about that?' said, White Castle, Taco Bell and Ben Jerry Sneaker's.
你确定吗 白城堡 塔可钟和本杰里、风行者（皆为餐厅）说道。
