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I've got some jokes, here, you guys. It's finally here.
来听听笑话，最终的结果来了。
Robert Mueller is about to testify in front of Congress or, as President Trump is calling it, narc week.
米勒即将在国会上作证，或者就如特朗普所说的，缉毒周。
Basically, Democrats are hoping Mueller goes out there and explains his written report on camera.
基本上来说，民主党希望米勒出来讲话，在摄像机面前解释他的书面报告。
That's their way of saying to Americans, We know you didn't read the book, so maybe you'll watch the movie.
这是他们讲述给美国人的方式，我们知道你不会阅读书籍，或许你会直接看电影。
I saw that Trump was asked if he's gonna watch Mueller's hearing tomorrow. And check out what he said.
听说小特被问及他是否明天会看米勒的听证会，来看看他是怎么说的。
No. I'm not gonna be watching. Probably. Maybe I'll see a little bit of it. I'm not gonna be watching Mueller.
不，我不会看，或许我会看一点，我不会看米勒的。
He sounds like your friend who says that they don't want any fries.
他听起来好似你的朋友在说，他们不想要炸薯条。
They're like, No, I'm fine. Well, maybe a few. I'll have a side plate. Can I get a side plate?
他们好似在说，我不需要，或许一点点，我要一个小吃盘，能给我来一个小吃盘吗？
Thank you very much. Put your fries on my side plate. You know what? You take the side plate. I'll take your fries.
非常感谢，把你的炸薯条放在我的小吃盘中，你知道吗？你拿小吃盘，我会拿走你的薯条。
Some big news from the UK. Today, Boris Johnson was just named their next prime minister.
来看看英国的大新闻，今天鲍里斯·约翰逊当选下一届首相。
If you don't know Boris Johnson, here he is. You know, he looks like someone. I can't quite...
如果你不知道他，来看看他的样子，他好似一个人，我不能准确描述出来。
put my finger on it. He's kind of like... A Cabbage Patch doll that accidentally got left in the dryer.
我用手指比划了，他好似一个，一个无意间落在烘干机的卷心菜娃娃。
No, no, no. It's more like, uh... A Barney Rubble that got into business school. No, no, no, no. Kind of. But it's more like...
不是不是，更像是，原始人巴尼·拉布尔进入商业学校，不是不是，很像是，更像是。
A middle-aged surfer bro who finally got his fist job interview. Yeah. Yeah. Sort of. But he's also kind of like...
一位中年网迷终于迎来了第一个工作面试。没错，很像，但他更像是。
A B-list Donald Trump impersonator. Yeah, that's interesting. Actually, can we see him next to Trump? Oh, yeah. I got it.
小特的二线模仿者，没错，很有趣。我们能看看他和小特一起的照片吗？没错，我明白了。
He looks like trump after he did the Ice Bucket Challenge. That's it. That's it.
他做完冰桶挑战后很像小特，没错，没错。
Now I know what he looks like. Oh, check this out.
我知道他像什么了，来看看。
Over the weekend, a man in California who was dressed as a clown led police on a 35-mile, high-speed chase.
上周末，加州一男子穿成小丑让警察高速追了他35英里。
When asked what he was running from, the man said, Myself.
当被问及跑什么时，他说我自己。
And finally, this is cool. I saw that Cheez-It, Cheez-Its. I love Cheez-Its.
最后一条新闻，这个有趣，我听说Cheez-It饼干，我喜欢Cheez-It饼干。
They're teaming up with, This is real. They're teaming up with a vineyard to make a box that is half Cheez-Its and half wine.
他们展开合作，这是真的，他们和一家葡萄园合作，制作了一个一半饼干一半红酒的盒子。
It's real. People in the store are like, Gross. I'll take a dozen boxes.
这是真的，商店里的人们在说，太恶心了，我要买十二盒。
It's awesome. It's like Lunchables for adults. Yeah!
太棒了，很像是为成人设计的Lunchables饼干，没错。
