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As you know, I have been under the weather lately.
大家知道 我最近身体不太舒服
What happened was is I was above the weather
我本来身体还挺好的
and then somehow I ended up right next to the weather and then,
不知道怎么回事 突然就感觉不太好
before you knew it, I was under the weather.
然后还没反应过来呢 我就病了
And I thought I might get sick because Kris Jenner was on the show.
我觉得我生病可能是因为请Kris Jenner上了节目
Not just because she was on the show, but she was sick.
不仅是因为她上了节目 而且她当时生病了
And so she got me sick.
所以她传染了我
And so the doctor told me I have acute bronchitis.
医生说我得了急性支气管炎
And trust me, it's not just acute it's adorable.
相信我 它不光是急性的 它还很可爱
Who's causing all this inflammation?
是谁引发的炎症？
You are. Yes, you are.
你 对 还有你
But before I saw the doctor, I thought I had a cold.
但我看医生之前 还以为自己是感冒了
So I went to the drugstore to pick up some booze.
所以去药店买了些酒
And while I was there, I took a look at the cold medicine.
在药店的时候 我看了下感冒药
And what's great is once you step into that aisle, no one in the store goes near you.
有一点很好的是 只要你站在感冒药前 整个药店都没人敢靠近你
They just clear the way. It's like Moses parting the red CVS.
他们都自动让开了 就像Moses把红色的CVS都隔开了
And there are too many medicines now.
现在的药品真是五花八门
There are decongestants for a stuffy nose.
有治鼻塞的减充血剂
There's antihistamines for a runny nose.
有治流鼻涕的抗组胺
There's suppressants for quieting your cough.
有治咳嗽的抑制剂
There's expectorants to loosen it.
还有化痰的祛痰剂
I have no idea which one makes the sizzurp but--
我完全不知道该拿哪种
--you get the medicine in a liquid, a caplet, a tablet, a rub, a gel, a gelcap,
药物有液体的 囊片的 片状的 有擦的 凝胶 囊形片
which basically is just a gel with a tiny hat.
其实就是凝胶上面戴了个小帽子
And then you have to decide how many hours ahead you take the thing.
你还得决定在饭前几小时服用这些药
There's two, there's four, there's six, there's eight.
有两小时 四小时 六小时 八小时的
Who do we appreciate? Ryan Gosling. Right?
我们喜欢哪个？Ryan Gosling 是吧
You can tell I was a cheerleader.
能看出来我演的是啦啦队队长
Ryan Gosling. That's all I did.
Ryan Gosling 我就只会那样
And you have to decide how fast you want your medicine to work.
你还得决定想要见效多快的药物
Also there's immediate release, there's delayed release, there's extended release.
有速释型 有迟释制剂 还有缓释的
Personally, I like my medicine to work as soon as I take it.
我个人是喜欢让药立马就见效的
I don't know who wants it to kick in later.
不知道谁喜欢见效慢的
Maybe a psychic who says I'm going to be sick Friday, I'm taking one Thursday.
也许有巫师会觉得我周五要生病 所以得周四吃上药
So these are all the choices.
一共有那么多选择
And you know what I ended up with with all the choices?
你们知道我最后选了啥不？
Is a headache.
是头疼
And then I bought some booze, which is the nighttime, sniffling,
然后我买了些酒 晚上又抽鼻子
sneezing, aching, coughing, stuffy head, fever, so you can forget medicine.
又打喷嚏 疼痛 咳嗽 头闷 发烧 把药都忘的一干二净了
