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It's never easy calling off a relationship. The idea that this initial point of connection can shift as people mature
结束一段感情从来都不是一件容易的事。当人们成熟并体验生活的不同方面时，
and experience different aspects of life is sometimes uncomfortable.
这种最初的联系点可能会改变，这种想法有时会让人不舒服。
As hard as it is to tell someone things just aren't working out between you two, it would be even harder to continue forcing it,
告诉别人你们之间的事情没有进展是很困难的，继续强迫自己
telling yourself that things will eventually work out when you know deep down they won't.
告诉自己事情最终会解决的，但在内心深处你知道它们不会，这更加艰难。
Does this sound familiar? Here are seven signs they may not be a keeper.
这听起来熟悉么？以下是对方不值得的7种迹象。
One. You find yourself consistently unhappy with the relationship.
1. 你发现自己总是对这段关系不满意。
We know relationships aren't just all games and no work
我们知道感情不只是游戏和工作
but if it's constant work without fulfillment then is it really the right one for you?
但如果这是一种没有成就感的持续性工作，那它真的适合你吗？
Happiness is not an emotion that can be felt on a consistent basis.
幸福不是一种可以持续感受的情感。
As humans, we experience bad days, drama and disagreements
作为人类的我们，生活总会有起起落落，
but no one should ever make you feel like you have to satisfy your partner's needs
但是没有人应该让你觉得你必须满足你伴侣的需求
or that your partner isn't helping you satisfy your own desires or ambitions.
或者你的伴侣不会帮助你满足你的欲望或野心。
A healthy relationship means checking in with one another frequently and making sure a balance is achieved.
一段健康的关系意味着着经常和对方联系，确保达到平衡。
Two. You hold a toxic dynamic with your partner.
2. 你和你的伴侣之间有一种有害的动态关系。
Based on one study, researchers have discovered that there are three main conflict styles in relationships:
根据一项研究，研究人员发现一段关系中有三种主要冲突类型：
"Mutual constructive", "Demand withdraw" and "Mutual avoidance".
“相互建设性”、“需求回避”以及“相互回避”。
While conflicts are not inherently bad and are to be expected in any relationship,
虽然冲突本身并不是坏事，且在任何关系中都是可以预料到的，
ongoing conflict can hurt both partners rather than bringing them closer.
持续的冲突会伤害双方，而不是拉近他们的关系。
The "Mutual constructive" style strengthens the relationship
当双方在一起努力寻找解决方案时，
when both partners can only express what is bothering them as they work together to find a solution
如果他们只会表达困扰他们的事情，那么相互建设性冲突可以加强他们的关系。
Toxic conflict dynamics, however, lie within the styles of demand withdraw and mutual avoidance.
然而，有害的冲突动态存在于需求回避和相互回避的类型中。
In the "demand withdraw" circumstance,
在“需求回避”环境中，
one partner will try to discuss an issue while the other partner wants to avoid it,
一方试图在一方想回避时谈论某个问题，
in other words, one person will often criticize while the other defense
换句话说，一方经常批评，一方总是防御。
As for "Mutual Avoidance", both partners will avoid conflict and choose not to express their true feelings.
至于“相互回避”，双方都会避免冲突并选择不表达自己的真实情感。
When this happens, there will always view this underlying feeling that makes all the happy moments feel less genuine.
当这种情况发生时，总会有这样一种潜在的感觉，让所有的快乐时刻都显得不那么真实。
The feeling that there's some other issue that hasn't been confronted,
感觉还有其他的问题没有被解决，
slowly but surely the tension builds up and eventually both partners quietly grow apart from one to another.
慢慢地，但肯定的是，紧张感会逐渐增强，最终，双方会慢慢地疏远。
Before we continue with the rest of the video, be sure to subscribe to our channel for more content
在我们继续下半部分内容时，一定要订阅我们的频道获取更多内容
and share this video with others. With your help, we can reach more people and provide more support.
并和其他人分享本期视频。有了大家的帮助，我们可以为更多的人提供支持。
Now, on to point number three. You have a hard time trusting the other person.
现在第三点。你很难信任别人。
It's one thing to have trust issues due to trauma or a bad childhood
由于创伤或糟糕的童年而产生的信任问题是一回事，
but it's another thing to put your heart on the line only to experience letdowns one after the other.
但把心放在危险的地方，经历一次又一次的失望又是另一回事。
One person can't do all the heavy lifting in the relationship.
一个人无法承担所有关系中的重担。
If you're putting in all the work practising vulnerability and exercising open communication
如果你把所有的工作都投入到练习脆弱和练习开放交流上
but your partner chooses to lie, betray or beat around the bush,
但你的伴侣却选择撒谎、背叛或拐弯抹角，
this goes to show they might not be as fully invested in the relationship as you are.
这表明他们可能不像你那样完全投入到这段关系中。
We hope you're enjoying this video so far and we want to quickly introduce you to our new SCI mascot that we're creating here.
我们希望大家目前还喜欢这个视频，我们想快速地向你介绍我们在这里创建的新的SCI吉祥物。
For those of you who've been watching for a long time, you may recognize the name, isn't it cute? Okay, back to it
如果是我们的忠实观众，你可能知道这个名字，是不是很可爱？好，回到正题。
Four. They only see your idealself not you.
4. 他们只看到理想的你，而不是真实的你。
Who doesn't fantasize about meeting someone who gets all of your dad jokes or being with a great conversationalist,
谁不会幻想遇到一个能听懂你爸爸所有笑话的人，或者一个健谈的人，
but over time as you continue to date someone, imagination will fade as you replace them with real-life experiences.
但随着时间的推移，当你继续与某人约会时，想象会随着现实经历的替代而消失。
This is why falling in love is a slow gradual process.
因此坠入爱河是一个缓慢渐进的过程。
A partner may hint towards their idealization, do they constantly talk about how you should lose weight?
一方可能会暗示他们的理想化，他们是不是一直在谈论你应该如何减肥？
Or that you should pick up a certain hobby because it'd be so attractive?
或是你应该培养某种爱好，因为它很有吸引力？
Or compare you with their friends' partner? Probably not a keeper
又或是拿你和他们朋友的另一半相比较？那么他们可能不是那个值得的人。
Five. They focus on problems more than solutions.
5. 他们关注问题而不是解决方法。
Does your partner focus on what happened in the past more than the present?
你的伴侣是否更关注过去发生的事情？
Or they forgive you only to bring up that thing that you did to them when you have a future argument?
或者他们原谅你只是为了在你们将来有争执的时候提起你对他们做过的事？
Relationships take time, space and collaborative efforts to flourish,
关系的发展需要时间、空间和协作，
but if you feel like your partner's holding on to the past more than trying to understand how to make things work and move forward,
但如果你觉得你的伴侣对过去念念不忘，而不是努力去理解如何让事情顺利进行，继续前进，
it might be time to adjust this and ask them where the both of you are headed.
也许是时候调整一下了，问问他们你们俩的目标是什么。
Six. They test you constantly.
6. 他们总是试探你。
You're probably familiar with the concept of testing
大家或许很熟悉测试这个概念，
whether you've done it plenty in school for your license or nailing a job interview.
无论你是在学校里为了拿到驾照的测试还是在为了面试而做的测试。
Life in fact is a series of tests in itself, and you may have to work harder on some days to find your willpower.
事实上，生活本身就是各种的考验，你可能需要在某些日子里更加努力才能找到你的意志力。
In a stable relationship your partner is meant to give you a safe space where you can be yourself.
在一段稳定的关系中，你的伴侣会给你一个安全的空间，让你做你自己。
If they insist however on making you feel like you have to earn their love, not only can it be manipulative but abusive.
然而，如果他们坚持让你觉得你必须赢得他们的爱，这不仅是操纵更是虐待。
Seven. Your values don't align with theirs.
7. 你们的三观不合。
Take a good hard look at your partner, and no I don't mean observing the brand's they wear or the haircut they might have just gotten,
仔细观察你的伴侣，我指的不是他们穿着或发型
I mean really look within them. Do they want the same things as you in life or have similar priorities?
我说的是看看他们的内在。他们和你想要的东西是一样的么或者你们的优先选择一样吗？
Values are different from hobbies and interests where they're more fixed.
三观的不同体现在兴趣爱好中，这些是固定的。
If you want to focus more on your career but they want to settle down already and have kids...
如果你想更专注于你的事业，但他们想安定下来，想要孩子……
this may cause friction more than fulfillment.
这可能会导致更多的摩擦而不是圆满。
It's always a good idea to have these talks to make sure you and your partner are on the same page.
进行这些谈话是个不错的好主意，以确保你和你的伴侣脚步一直。
We just want to say thank you for being an ever supporting fan of our Channel.
我们想谢谢大家对我们一直以来的支持。
We really appreciate the Psych2go community we've built together.
真心感谢大家一起建立的这个社区群体。
If you haven't yet, be sure to subscribe to our channel for more content.
如果你还没有加入，请一定要订阅我们的频道观看更多内容。
Comment below and let us know what was the time when you realized a partner wasn't the one.
请在下方留言，告诉我们你是什么时候意识到你的另一半不是你的真命天子的。
And be sure to check out our video we did on the opposite-Signs that they are a keeper. As always, thanks for watching.
一定要看看我们的另一个视频—《他们值得的迹象》。一如既往，感谢收看。
