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The first pillar of self-esteem is self-acceptance. And remember a perfectionist does not accept him/herself.
自尊的第一个基础就是自我接受 要记得完美主义者是不接受自我的
Second, the reason why it hurts self-esteem-remember, there is constant,
第二个伤害自尊的原因是
inevitable failure for a perfectionist because there is no perfect person.
完美主义者总会遇到长期且不可避免的失败 因为根本就没有完美的人
And if I constantly fail or constantly perceive myself as a failure, am I going to have high self-esteem? Of course not.
而如果我一直失败或者视自己为失败者 那我还会有较高的自尊心吗 当然不会
It also hurts self-esteem because a perfectionist is less likely to try, less like to put him/herself on the line.
另一个完美主义者容易自尊心受伤的原因是他们更不愿意去尝试
And the price that I pay for that when I don't try is lower level of self-esteem.
而如果我不愿意尝试的话 其后果就是更加低的自尊心
Remember self-perception theory. Versus on-going, continuous improvement.
还记得自我知觉理论吗 相对的是持续的自我提升
Not a straight line, but a spiral that goes up and up. Perfectionism harms relationships.
不是一条直线直上的 而是旋转向上的 完美主义伤害人际关系
Again, I just look back and I, you know from this perspective,
回想过去 我从这个角度来说
it's hard for me to fathom the kind of mistakes that I have made in relationships based on perfectionism.
我很难捉摸 我基于完美主义在人际关系中所犯的错误的类型
Why? First of all, defensiveness.
为什么 第一 自卫性
It is very difficult to form intimacy with some one when I'm constantly on the defensive,
如果我一直是处于自卫性的位置
when I can't accept or do something at the very least with criticisms.
如果我不能接受或者处理批评 那我就很难和别人形成亲密的关系
What kind of intimacy is possible there?
这样的情况下怎么可能建立亲密关系呢
The other reason why it harms relationships is that very often, we mirror…
另一个完美主义伤害人际关系的原因是 我们经常
Our approach to the world mirrors our approach toward ourselves.
我们对世界的看法和对自己的看法一样
So if I'm a perfectionist and expect perfectionism-a straight line for myself,
如果我是完美主义者那我期望的就是完美 对我来说是一条直线
I would expect the same from others, whether it's from my partner,
对他人亦是如此 不论是对于我的伴侣
whether it's later on my children or friends. And now as we…
还是对我的孩子和朋友 现在我们……
