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第94期 你身边也有从不说"谢谢"的人吗?

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Hello again and welcome back to happy hour. In the beginning of today's episode, let me ask you a very simple question. If someone helped you, or someone provided you with things you need, what would be your response? Now I know what you're thinking, Lulu, why are you asking me this very very simple question? Are we trying to do primary school English? Of course if someone helps me, I would say, thank you. Unfortunately, real life is not always like that.
Lately, I have noticed that one of the stressors in life for me is that from time to time, you encounter a type of people that just seem to lack the ability to show appreciation or to say, thank you. So in today's episode, instead of expressions for saying thank you, let us take a look at ungrateful people in our lives. To talk about ungrateful, first of all, we need to understand the word gratitude. 感激之情。
It's quite formal. For example, when you're writing, you can say to show gratitude, to show other people that you feel thankful. If you want to use adjective, you can use to be grateful. For instance, if you are writing a letter to someone who has helped you, you can say, I'm really grateful for all you have done for me. If you're trying to ask for help, then you can use 'I would be truly grateful if you could help me'. See, this is because it hasn't happened yet. I would be truly grateful if you could help me. The opposite of grateful of course is ungrateful. 不懂感恩。And let's face it, we all have moments of ungratefulness, it's just human nature. We can get so caught up in our own life and our own problems that we forget to think about and appreciate the things that others do for us.
And this is normal. Ask yourself over the past couple of weeks, were there any situations where you were at least a little ungrateful, or you just forgot to thank someone for what they've done. And if you can't think of any moment like that, then you're either just a really lovely person, or chances are you're lying to yourself. All different kinds of things can cause ungratefulness. It might be someone's upbringing, 家教or things that have happened to them in the past.
But some people just have personality types that mean they are more likely to expect more from others and from the world. And these people can't understand why they should have to be thankful for the things that other people do for them. Like I said before, it's quite normal for any one of us to be a little ungrateful once in a while, but some people turns being ungrateful into a habit. So now let's take a look at the signs of a truly ungrateful person.
The first sign is they're never satisfied, they are never happy with their life. No matter how well things seem to be going. They are never thankful for things they already have, and they seem to have an insatiable appetite.
And number two, they are bitter. Bitter, the original meaning is 苦, but if you want to use it to describe a person, this means they are filled with negative energy. It doesn't take much for them to get angry. They are always complaining about everything and everyone. In this sense, an ungrateful person, they suck all the energy out of everyone around them.
Sign number three, they have a major sense of entitlement. A sense of entitlement, entitlement is kind of like privilege. If we say someone has a sense of entitlement, it means they feel it's natural that they should have the best things in the world. 优越感,特权感,其实更有点像公主病这样。They think everyone and the world should always give them the best things. For people like this, either they were spoiled growing up or they were traumatized. So they feel that everyone in the world owes them and they're looking for a big payback. Either way they feel like they are entitled to an awful lot from other people. Partially the reason why they don't say thank you, because if they think they should get it anyway, why say thank you.
Number four, they find it very easy to ask for favors from other people all the time. For most of us, we find it a little bit embarrassing to ask for people to help us. We would say, sorry to trouble you. But ungrateful people don't have that problem. They can ask you for favor anytime. They never would feel guilty about that. And on top of it, if you can't help them, they won't let you forget it. And they try to make you feel guilty. There's a quite common quote says that ungrateful people complain about the one thing you haven't done for them instead of being thankful for the thousands of things you have done for them. This happens to me a lot, for example, doing this show for free, for over 300 episodes, but sometimes I get people who would say, why don't you give us translation, it's so inconvenient. see!
Number five, ungrateful people are self-centered and don't really care about others. This is the core of the issue. Why are people ungrateful? It's because they think they are the center of the world. They think the world revolves around them. And they think it is just natural that others should do things for them.

谢谢


Number six, they don't have time for you unless they need something from you. In other words, they take you for granted. This is a very natural expression, to take somebody for granted. If somebody takes you for granted, they think whatever you do for them is what you should do and need to do. That's why they never would appreciate it. Take somebody for granted.
And the last sign for ungrateful people is they play the victim. They often think that you are doing something wrong and you have wronged them. And interestingly, they are not pretending, they truly believe the whole world, including you, is treating them unfairly. If you don't offer them the things they want immediately, you are the person who makes them miserable, and you have to be responsible. In the early days when I was doing this show, someone left messages saying that the background music is too loud, it's disturbing my studies. See they're the victim, I make their life more difficult. They can just hurt other people and they don't need to feel anything. In fact, according to psychologists, ungrateful people are more likely to experience chronic unhappiness, despair, and psychological problems. Because in gratitude, lack of gratitude causes others to stop being kind to them. So ungrateful people end up trapped in the trap that they build themselves. When they stop receiving help, they think the world is a hostile place. Everyone's out to get them where there is no goodness, without realizing that it was their attitudes that kept them away from others, leaving them totally alone. You might say, I'm definitely not an ungrateful person, but I do have those kind of people in my life. And they take me for granted and they hurt me.
So we end today's episode with a few tips on how to deal with ungrateful people and not let them get to you. The first one is lower your expectations. Perhaps the biggest stressor in dealing with ungrateful people is that we don't get the gratitude we believe we deserve. We help them and we expect at least a thank you. But we're not getting that, that gets us down. So starting today, start to realize that it is their problem, their sickness even. And stop expecting gratitude from ungrateful people, and this will make you less disappointed.
And number two, quit meeting their requests. If you say yes to their requests, you may think you're helping them out of your good nature. Yet you might just be teaching them dependency and encouraging even more severe in gratitude. If you find it difficult to say no, simply say things like, I'd love to help you, however, and then put in whatever excuse you can think of.
And the last tip is set firm boundaries.建立明确的界线感 Set boundaries of what you will and what you won't do for these ungrateful people in your life. Because without firm boundaries, they will really suck all the energy out of you, take up all your time, and make you feel depressed and underappreciated. And you deserve better than that. Sometimes this is especially true among family members or between us and our partner. Sometimes maybe it's time to stop doing things for someone when you find that it is expected rather than appreciated.
As we are approaching the end of today's episode, maybe some of you would say today's episode is filled with negative energy. Actually on the country, it's not about me complaining. I know for a fact that many of you probably share the same feelings, you feel underappreciated or you might have to deal with ungrateful people in your life. I just wanna say instead of just complaining about them, I will always be grateful to all those ungrateful people in my life, because they have taught me what type of person I would never want to turn into.
On that note, I just wanna say that I am truly appreciative of all your support out there. We simply couldn't have done it without you.

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重点单词   查看全部解释    
entitled [in'taitld]

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adj. 有资格的,已被命名的 动词entitle的过去

 
disappointed [.disə'pɔintid]

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adj. 失望的

 
dependency [di'pendənsi]

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n. 从属;从属物;属国

 
core [kɔ:]

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n. 果心,核心,要点
vt. 挖去果核

 
inconvenient [.inkən'vi:njənt]

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adj. 不方便的

 
response [ri'spɔns]

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n. 回答,响应,反应,答复
n. [宗

联想记忆
partially ['pɑ:ʃəli]

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adv. 部份地,一部份地,不公平地

 
complain [kəm'plein]

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vi. 抱怨,悲叹,控诉

 
privilege ['privilidʒ]

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n. 特权,特别恩典,基本人权,荣幸
vt.

联想记忆
severe [si'viə]

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adj. 剧烈的,严重的,严峻的,严厉的,严格的

联想记忆


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