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When we get into a romantic relationship, it's all sparks, and flowers, and hikes, and coffees.
恋爱时，我们满眼都是火花，会送鲜花，一起去远足，一起喝咖啡。
But over time, the romantic couple gets into routines.
但随着时间的推移，浪漫的情侣也会迎来单调的日常生活。
And so what we've argued is that the moments of gratitude still matter, because when we say "thank you," we're sending a message to the person who just did something nice for us,
我们想说的是，表达感激的时机依然很重要，因为当我们说出“谢谢”时，是在向为我们做了一件好事的人发出一种信号，
that they are valued, that they're seen, that the thing that they did for us was worth doing in the first place.
即我们重视并且看到了他们的付出，他们为我们所做的事是值得的。
Thank you. We often take the power of it for granted, but it's fundamental to keeping your relationship healthy.
谢谢。我们经常忽视了这句话的力量，但它对维持健康的关系非常必要。
And letting your partner know that you appreciate them can resonate throughout whole communities.
让你的伴侣知道你对他的感激，这能在全社会产生共鸣。
I'm Dr. Sara Algoe, and I study the emotions and social interactions that are at the heart of our very best relationships.
我是萨拉·阿尔戈博士，我研究的是对良好关系非常核心的情感和社交问题。
We do have really cool evidence from hundreds of video-recorded conversations where we had romantic couples in the lab.
我们在实验室中录制了几百位情侣的谈话视频，从中得到了非常棒的证据。
One person just picks something that their partner had done for them recently, and we had them express gratitude to their partner.
一个人选择一件他的伴侣最近为他做的事情，然后我们让他们向伴侣表达感激。
Let me give you an example.
我举个例子。
There was a work party, and one partner remembered that her partner likes lemon bars and brought one home.
在一次工作派对上，一个人想起她的伴侣喜欢柠檬派，就给他带了一个回家。
That was the thing. It's a really little thing, but the way that he expressed gratitude for it, he said, "The fact that you remembered that, that you were thinking about me."
就是这种事情。这种非常小的事情，但是他表达感激的方式，他说“你竟然记得我喜欢吃柠檬派，你还能想着我。”
And then he said, "It's not just this. You do this kind of thing for me and for other people all the time."
然后他说：“不仅如此。你一直为我和其他人做这种事情。”
So it's just about putting that extra little emphasis on what it was about their behavior that really stood out.
所以对他人的行为进行重点强调，才是表达感激的核心所在。
Sara's research shows it's all about describing the specific thing about your partner that you're thankful for.
萨拉的研究表明：我们要具体描述出伴侣为你做的、让你心生感激的事情。
That is what helps to drive closeness and affection.
这有助于促进亲密和感情。
Her research also focuses on someone who witnesses this exchange of gratitude.
她的研究还包括那些亲眼目睹人们互相表达感激的人。
When the witness sees that "thank you," they feel an increased sense of openness towards the person that said it, and that can lead to greater self-disclosure,
当目击者看到人们互相感激，他们会对表达感激的人更坦诚，从而也更愿意表露心声，
which is a measurement of how vulnerable and honest someone is when talking about themselves.
这能够衡量人们在谈论自己的时候有多么脆弱和诚实。
And so what we know about self disclosure is that you disclose a little bit more, I disclose a little bit more, and we know from other research that this is exactly the kind of thing that opens the door to more enduring and lasting bonds and relationships.
我们对表露心声的理解是，你放开一点，我放开一点。我们从其他的研究中得知，正是这种敞开心胸的表达，才能建立更为持久的纽带和关系。
Now there's a twist to this study.
这项研究中有一个小插曲。
In these videos, the only person that you can see is the person who's recording this message to the romantic partner.
在这些视频中，你只能看到帮你录制向伴侣表达感谢的视频的人。
You never see the romantic partner in the video, but we predicted that, actually, this expression of gratitude to the romantic partner gives a signal that the romantic partner is a good person.
在视频中是看不到另一个伴侣的，但我们预测：向伴侣表达感激，说明他的另一半是个很不错人。
They're the kind of person who will go out of their way to help another person.
他们是那种会路见不平拔刀相助的人。
Sara's research showed this witness wanted to get to know the person being thanked, even though they never saw them.
萨拉的研究表明，目击者想要去了解那个被感谢的人，尽管他们素未谋面。
They had no idea who they were or what they look like, but because they had been thanked, they must be someone worth knowing.
他们不知道被感谢的人姓甚名谁，但就是因为这些人被感谢过，所以一定是值得认识的人。
Expressions of gratitude make both the person being thanked and the person saying "thank you" more appealing.
表达感激会让被感谢的人和说出“谢谢你”的人都更有魅力。
And that has ripple effects on everyone who witnesses this and the communities that surround them.
并且这会在目击者和周围的社群中产生涟漪效应。
I will offer you my working definition of love, which is that it's an other-focused, positive feeling that really blurs the boundaries between the self and the other person.
我会告诉你我目前对爱的定义，爱是一种聚焦于他人的、积极的感受，这种感受会模糊自我与他人的界限。
If you think about love as a state where you think of yourself as really merged with the other person,
如果你把爱看做一种自我与他人合二为一的状态，
then it makes a lot more sense why you would be willing to sacrifice for the other person because they're kind of an extension of who you are.
那么你愿意为他人牺牲就说得通了，因为他们就是你的延伸。
It's such a little gesture.
表达感谢非常容易。
It's not that hard to say "thank you" to someone, but that has the potential for helping that person establish better relationships.
跟别人说谢谢不难，却可以帮你建立起更好的人际关系。
It has this potential for reverberating effects throughout your social network, connecting people within our communities in ways that I think are just starting to be understood.
它能通过你的社交网络产生深远长久的影响，以一种我们还知之甚少的方式把社区里的人们联系在一起。
