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第168期 恐怖片铁憨憨迷惑行为大赏

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Hi, again and welcome back to happy hour. This is our halloween special. I know, I know, usually our halloween special is really creepy with creepy music and even creepier topics. Some of you used to complain, saying that it freaks you out. So you had to skip that episode. So this year I'm going to do something different.

Now if you know something about me, then you probably know I'm a huge fan of horror films, TV shows, horror stories, urban legends, and pretty much anything spooky and creepy. And when you have watched as many horror films and TV shows as I did, chances are when you watch something you're not just sitting there being scared. Instead you probably be staring at the screen complaining about the plot, the characters or even the music.

For me personally, I just can't get over how stupid some of the characters in horror films seem to be. In fact, every type of horror film seems to introduce us to characters that will commit acts out of pure stupidity and total lack of logic. Even as horror have evolved over the years and become increasingly more self aware, the characters of even the best scary movies always seem to end up making the same crappy decisions time and time again. So in today's episode, let me share with you the list of the stupidest things people do in horror films and see if you agree with me. Here we go.

Number one on the list of stupid things to do in a horror film - hang out in a dark.

A: There’s this abandoned hospital, let’s go in and look around.

B: Nah, it’s only 2pm in the afternoon, too much light, let’s come back at midnight!

‘Look, there's this abandoned hospital. Let's go in and look around.’‘ Nah. It’s only two in the afternoon, too much light. Let's come back at midnight. ’

As a general role, all these ghosts, killers, all the creepy things, they are far more likely to post threat at night when you are alone, and it seems pretty safe to assume that if you wanna explore a creepy location or if you're being chased by a terrifying creature or an insane murderer, you probably want to stick to the heavily populated well-lit areas.

But for some strange reason though, people in horror films seem to prefer hanging out in dimly-lit hallways or dark rooms. Over and over again, we watch these characters in horror films, get themselves into danger with ghosts and killers because they choose to go into the darkness.

And I will never understand why they don't even try to turn on the light. And sometimes you see them holding candles and you think really? This day and age when you can just easily use the flashlight on your phone, just how many innocent lives could have been saved if horror movie characters remember to just flip on a light switch or at least bring a high-powered flashlight with them into the uncertain darkness. Or else just wait for a few hours so that you can go into these places when the sun is shining.

Number two on a lis - investigate creepy and suspicious sound.

A: Did you hear that?

B: What?

A: That weird sound from the forest

B: That’s really spooky, let’s run back to our car and drive away!

A: Or…why don’t we go towards the scary sound and see what is happening?

You can't really say horror films don't warn you. Most terrifying events in horror films seem to begin with some weird unexplained noise somewhere off in the distance. Now in normal situations people would just run away, but chances are there will be these morons in the film deciding that they will go and see what it was.

It's one of the oldest cliches in horror movie story to keep the story moving. It's also one of the most frustrating and illogical things that you can see, especially when the characters already know they're in danger. I mean you already have the sense that something is wrong. Why would you go towards danger?

For example, in the horror classic, the Six Sense, the boy who can see the ghost wandered around his house trying to find the source of some very loud sounds. Even though he knew he would probably run into one of the many dead people he could see. I mean, use your common sense and logic. If you think something doesn't sound right, move away from it, not towards it. That's a survival tip for you.

Number three on the list - Do the thing they know is deadly.

A: This note says if we watch this cursed video, we will be dead in a week.

B: So what are you still doing with it, throw it away!!

A: Oh come on, live a little! If we don’t watch it, how would we know if the curse is true or not?

Now I understand human nature often compels us to do things we know are bad for us like having that extra bit of ice cream, dating someone we know won't make us happy. For some reason though a lot of horror movie characters seem to take that compulsion to a whole different level.

For example, when you find a creepy old book that has spells and curses and it says please don't try out these spells. But then what you get in horror films, a bunch of morons trying it out and ended up summoning the evil spirit.

Remember the classic the Ring. They've already told you, do not watch that video because it's cursed. You are going to die one week after watching it. Now I understand if people who are trying these things, they're just teenagers. They don't know any better. They just want to walk on the wild side. But many characters in these horror films doing these things, they are fully grown adults. And what frustrates me more is, they do things they know it's forbidden, and then when the horrible consequences hit them, they look genuinely surprised. Dude, this is almost like, if you put a lot of chilies in your soup and do not act surprised when you soup ended up tasting super spicy. It's one thing to unknowingly walk into danger, but it's an entirely another to willingly invite it into your life, just because you wanna see if it is really there.


The next one on the list - keep staying in a haunted house.

A: Ever since we moved into this new house, weird things have been happening. I think it is haunted. I’m so scared and I don’t know what to do!

B: Get out of there! I can help you find another house at a reasonable price.

A: But…we just unpacked and moving is soooooo exhausting.

Haunted house. Always an essential in many of the horror films. We can all understand moving into a new home and not wanting to leave just weeks after moving into it. However, when your family members start to act strangely when your pet starts barking in the middle of the night, when your kid is telling you there's a monster in a wardrobe, when you can actually hear and see spirits, get the heck out of there.

The fact is in most horror films, keeping your family safe seems to be of the least priority.

The next one on the list. Try to make contact with an evil spirit.

A: There’s an evil spirit living in this house! We should try to contact him.

B: NOOO, what’s wrong with you? Why would you want to do that?

A: I don’t know, to add another special skill on my CV?

If we've learned anything from horror films, is that nine times out of 10, the ghost that's gone out of his way to haunt you and your house probably isn't friendly. It's usually obvious pretty early on. Yet for some reason the characters in many movies about haunted houses seem to think the best way to resolve the issue is try and talk it out. It almost seems like they think of themselves as some sort of shrink or negotiator.

Focus, this is already an evil spirit that wants to harm you and your family, stay away from it. Don't try to engage with it even more. If you really want to establish contact, please please please. Leave it to the professionals.

Number six on the list is something I really cannot tolerate. This is split up.

A: I know we are in a very dangerous situation, but I suggest we split up and walk around dark corners.

There is safety in numbers. This is the basic advice most of us will give our children from the beginning, especially when they're old enough to head to the mall or a amusement park with friends. We would say do not go alone. Stick with your friends, you'll be safer. Yet characters in scary films, they seem to have missed out on a basic lesson. They always seem to immediately head off on their own into the basement, woods, haunted mansions without second thought.

It's a decision that really makes zero sense. What are you dealing with an evil spirit madman or a scary clown?There really isn't a scenario where heading off on your own in a dangerous situation is the best option. Do none of these characters recognize the value of having someone around to watch their back?Sometimes I think they're just looking out for the monsters because they don't want the monsters to really spend the time trying to take all of them at the same time. Instead, they're providing themselves as this bite sized treats for the monsters. So the monster can literally eat them one at a time. And it just happens again and again and again.

This let's split up mentality has led to more on screen death in scary films than just about anything else.

So now it's panic time. The monster or the killer is chasing you. The next stupid thing on the list is forget how to run.

A: I’m coming to get you…

B: I’m so scared, I have to run away…but I’m sure I’m going to fall, I’m definitely gonna fall…

In any horror films. You will get a scene where the characters are trying to run away from the monster to ghost or the killer. And also time and time again this is when we see that these characters no matter how old they are, no matter if they're men or women, they seem to forget how to run. And they suddenly transform into the clumsiest person alive.

They will trip over things. They will fall down the stairs, ended up breaking their legs and they had to crawl or they would simply get stuck. Now I understand for some people, if you're in a shock, it might be difficult for you to move. But come on. Does that really happen to everyone?You'd think that someone inches away from losing their life would move was a sense of urgency. But you'd be wrong. Because usually all they're gonna do is scream or breathe very heavily. And if you are not using headphone, good luck on explaining to other people what the heavy breathe and screaming is all about.

Now if you cannot run, another alternative is to hide. So now we come to the last stupid thing people do in horror films - be as noisy as possible when trying to hide.

A: Where are you? I’m going to find you…

B: I’m hiding in the closet. I have to be really quiet…absolutely quiet…

I mean... I have nothing to say about this. Just let me tell you one thing. This is exactly why my phone is always, always on mute. I am always prepared for such situation. So that's some of the stupidest things you see characters do in a horror film, but if you're ever in horror film scenarios, here are a few essential tips that you might need to survive.

Number one, don't say I don't believe in supernatural beings because people who don't believe in supernatural beings are usually the first one to be killed by supernatural beings.

Number two, stay away from suspicious looking places and objects. If it looks creepy, it's probably creepy. That might include any abandoned school, hospital, cinemas or any objects that look old or off.

Number three, don't investigate creepy sound and play creepy games. Stay away from them, control your curiosity. Don't let it control you.

Number four, taking advice, especially from wise old people. When wise old people start to say that there is a Legend. Listen to them. That's probably gonna be a lifesaver.

The last tip, and I can't stress this enough. Wear comfy shoes and run.

So that ends today's episode. If you want to complain about any stupid things people do in horror films, leave us a comment in the comment section. I will see you next time. Bye.


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