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Adultery has existed since marriage was invented and so too the taboo against it.
自婚姻出现以来，通奸行为就一直存在，与之相应的禁忌也应运而生。
In fact, infidelity has a tenacity that marriage can only envy so much so that this is the only commandment that is repeated twice in the Bible.
其实，不忠行为在婚姻中屡禁不止，它是《圣经》中唯一重复了两次的戒令。
Once for doing it and once just for thinking about it.
一次是禁止做这种事，另一次是禁止想这种事。
So how do we reconcile what is universally forbidden yet universally practiced?
那我们该如何接受这一在全球范围内明令禁止却又屡禁屡现的现象呢？
How do we heal from an affair?
我们该如何从婚外情中走出来？
Desire runs deep. Betrayal runs deep. But it can be healed.
人类的欲望根深蒂固，背叛坚不可摧。但它也可以被疗愈。
And some affairs are death knells for relationships that were already dying on the vine.
有些不忠给垂死挣扎的两性关系敲响了丧钟。
But others will jolt us into new possibilities.
还有一些却给我们带来了新的机遇。
The fact is the majority of couples who have experienced affair stay together.
其实，多数有过背叛经历的对象会选择继续在一起。
But some of them will merely survive and others will actually be able to turn a crisis into an opportunity.
但其中一些人会苦苦挣扎，另一些人却能将危机转化为机会。
They'll be able to turn this into a generative experience and I'm actually thinking even more so for the deceived partner who will often say
他们会从这次经历中吸取教训，我觉得被欺骗的一方甚至能得到更多，他们往往会说
"You think I didn't want more? But I'm not the one who did it."
“你以为我不想得到更多吗？但我并没有那么做。”
But now that the affair is exposed, they too get to claim more and they no longer have to uphold the status quo that may not have been working for them that well either.
既然背叛行为暴露了，被欺骗的一方也可以主张获得更多，不必再去忍受对他们而言不那么友好的现状了。
I've noticed that a lot of couples in the immediate aftermath of an affair because of this new disorder that may actually lead to a new order will have depths of conversations with honesty and openness that they haven't had in decades.
我发现，很多情侣会在出现不忠行为后，以几十年来从未有过的方式，开诚布公地跟对方交谈，因为这种突变可能带来新的秩序。
And partners who are sexually indifferent find themselves suddenly so lustfully variations.
原本性冷淡的伴侣会发现自己突然变得异常饥渴。
They don't know where it's coming from.
他们不知道这种感觉从何而来。
Something about the fear of loss will rekindle desire and make way for an entirely new kind of truth.
人们对失去的恐惧会重新点燃欲望，并为全新的现实让路。
Now you've listened to me and I know what you're thinking.
听我说了这么多，我知道你们在想什么。
She has a French accent. She must be pro-affair.
她操着一口法国口音，她肯定支持劈腿行为。
So you're wrong. I am not French. And i'm not pro-affair.
你们猜错了，我不是法国人，我也不支持劈腿。
I look at affairs from a dual perspective, hurt and betrayal on one side, growth and self-discovery on the other.
我会辩证地看待劈腿，一方面是伤害和背叛，另一方面是成长和自我发现。
What it did to you and what it meant for me.
它对你有什么影响，对我又意味着什么。
And so when a couple comes to me in the aftermath of an affair that has been revealed, I will often tell them this.
所以当夫妻俩的劈腿行为被发现，来找我求助时，我通常会这么跟他们说。
Today in the west, most of us are gonna have two or three relationships or marriages and some of us are gonna do it with the same person.
如今在西方，多数人都会有两到三段关系或婚姻，有些人是跟同一个人在纠缠。
Your first marriage is over.
你们的第一段婚姻结束了。
Would you like to create a second one together？
你们还愿意共同开创第二段婚姻吗？
