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Hello, TED Community, you are watching a TED interview series called How to Deal with Difficult Feelings.
你好，欢迎来到TED社区，您正在观看的是TED访谈系列，《如何应对悲伤的情绪》。
I’m your host, Cloe Shasha Brooks, and a curator at TED.
我是主持人科洛莎莎布鲁克斯，也是TED的一名组建者。
This past year has been full of both personal and collective grief.
在过去的一年里，无论是个人还是集体，大家都充满了悲伤。
And this grief has taken many forms.
而这种悲伤可能是不同形式的。
And to dive deeper into the world of understanding and managing grief, I'll be speaking first with Nina Westbrook, a marriage and family therapist who has supported clients through loss.
为了更深入地了解和走出悲伤的世界，我将首先与尼娜-韦斯特布鲁克交谈，她是一位婚姻和家庭治疗师，曾帮助客户降低损失。
Hi, Nina.
嗨，尼娜。
Hi, Cloe, good to see you.
嗨，克洛伊，很高兴见到你。
Thank you so much for having me.
非常感谢你邀请我。
Thanks for joining us.
谢谢你加入我们。
Nina, you have talked about how grief can be about the loss of people and tangible things.
妮娜，你谈到悲伤可能是由损失人和有形事物导致的。
But that it can also be about the loss of dreams, something that many people have experienced over the past year.
但是，它也可以是关于梦想的丧失，在过去的一年中，许多人都经历过这种情况。
Can you give me some examples of grieving for lost dreams and talk about what it means to experience this kind of grief?
你能举一些为失去梦想而悲伤的例子，并谈谈经历这种悲伤意味着什么？
Absolutely.
当然可以。
I believe that grief can take so many different forms, and I think oftentimes when we think about grief, we associate it with the emotional process that takes place when we're coping with the death of a loved one.
我相信悲伤可以有很多不同的形式，我认为很多时候，当我们想到悲伤时，我们会把它与我们应对亲人死亡时发生的情感过程联系起来。
I don't know.
我不知道。
It's just not as common to associate grief or correlate grief with the loss of a dream.
只是将悲伤与失去梦想联系起来或将悲伤与失去梦想联系起来的情况并不常见。
So when you think about dreams and when they begin and how deeply they're rooted into our daily lives and our routines
因此，当你考虑到梦想，以及它们何时开始，它们在我们的日常生活和常规中的根基有多深，
and how much our dreams determine our decision-making process and the choices that we make throughout the course of our lives, they hold a pretty significant amount of space in our minds and in our hearts.
以及我们的梦想在多大程度上决定了我们的决策过程和我们在整个生命过程中做出的选择，它们在我们的思想和心中占据了相当大的空间。
Imagine a child who, you know, from a young age, we begin to dream and they begin to dream about becoming an astronaut one day and walking on the moon or becoming a professional athlete.
想象一下，一个孩子，你知道，从很小的时候，就开始做梦，他们开始梦想有一天成为一名宇航员，在月球上行走，或者成为一名职业运动员。
And then as we grow older, we begin to focus in on what our needs are and what our wants are,
然后随着年龄的增长，我们开始专注于我们的需求是什么，我们的愿望是什么，
and our dreams begin to look more like acquiring our dream careers or job positions or opening businesses, having children or finding love.
我们的梦想开始看起来更像是获得我们梦想的职业或工作职位，或开设企业，拥有孩子或找到爱情。
And the reality is that these dreams do not always work out and manifest themselves in a way that we have imagined, right?
而现实是，这些梦想并不总是以我们想象的方式实现和表现出来，对吗？
And that can be so devastating for so many people.
而这对许多人来说可能是毁灭性的。
The loss of careers and jobs or our divorces, the loss of relationships, or infertility can all be extremely devastating things and those types of devastating events propel you into the emotional process that takes place during grief.
失去事业和工作，或者我们的离婚，失去关系，或者不孕不育，都可能是极具破坏性的事情，这些类型的破坏性事件将你推入悲伤期间发生的情感过程。
Let's bring a question up from the audience.
让我们回答观众的一个问题。
What are comforting things to do or say when someone is grieving?
当有人感到悲伤时，该做什么或说什么来安慰他们？
So I guess someone else in this case.
我想在这种情况下。
That's a really amazing question.
这是一个非常好的问题。
A lot of the time, simply being present and offering support and encouragement is really going to be important when you're trying to support someone else through their grief.
很多时候，当你试图支持别人度过他们的悲痛时，陪在他们身边提供支持和鼓励真的很重要。
I think communication is also important, asking that person, "What can I do," or "What do you need from me in this moment and how can I best support you,"
我认为沟通也很重要，问那个人，“我能做什么，”或者 “在这个时刻你需要我做什么，我怎样才能最好地支持你。”
is kind of going to be the best way to figure out how to support this person.
这将是一种找出如何支持这个人的最好方法。
Sometimes they just want someone to listen to.
有时他们只是想找人倾听。
Sometimes they need someone to make them laugh or to help, you know, keep them distracted for a moment or sometimes they just need someone to be around them.
有时他们需要有人逗他们笑，或者帮助他们，你知道，让他们暂时分心，或者有时他们只是需要有人在他们身边。
It just really depends on the person, since grief is so subjective in the way that we go through it.
这真的取决于人，因为悲伤是如此主观的方式，我们要经历悲伤。
Totally.
完全正确。
And let's go right into some strategies, too.
让我们谈谈一些策略。
So I'm sure you have strategies for managing the grief of lost dreams.
我确信你有管理失去梦想的悲伤的策略。
How do people pick themselves back up after that?
在那之后，人们如何让自己重新振作起来？
You want to give yourself permission to grieve, first off.
首先，你要允许自己悲伤。
And it's not a linear journey, there is going to be lots of ups and downs that take place.
这不是一个线性的旅程，会有很多起伏发生。
Some days you're going to be OK and some days you might cry and sometimes you might go a month without crying.
有些日子你会好起来，有些日子你可能会哭，有时你可能一个月不哭。
And then one day everything comes crashing down all at once.
然后有一天，一切都会一下子崩塌。
It's just a matter of giving yourself permission to go through these feelings and knowing and reassuring yourself that this is OK and it's normal.
这只是一个允许自己经历这些感觉的问题，知道并让自己放心，这是好的，是正常的。
And also keeping in mind that it's OK to feel joy even in those moments of sadness that you're going to experience when you're grieving.
而且还要记住，即使在你悲伤的时候，在你将要经历的那些悲伤的时刻，也可以感受到快乐。
The other thing that I think is really important is just to be proactive in the grieving process.
另一件我认为非常重要的事情是在悲伤的过程中要积极主动。
Don't ignore your grief.
不要忽视你的悲痛。
You can seek support.
你可以寻求支持。
You can't be afraid to ask for support or lean on others, people that you trust, friends, family members, coworkers, whomever it may be for support.
你不能害怕寻求支持或依靠他人，你信任的人，朋友，家人，同事，不管是谁，都可以寻求支持。
And then making a plan, making a new plan.
然后制定一个计划，制定一个新的计划。
Mourning happens over time.
哀悼随着时间的推移而发生。
What it's doing, what we're doing, and all of the emotions that were going through during that mourning process is we're literally detaching ourselves emotionally from the dream
它在做什么，我们在做什么，以及在哀悼过程中所经历的所有情绪，是我们在字面上将自己从情感上与我们正在哀悼的梦想分离。
that we are mourning or from the object that we're mourning.
我们所哀悼的梦或我们所哀悼的对象。
And what that's doing is opening yourself up and making space for new dreams and new experiences and new opportunities in the future.
而这正在做的是开放自己，为未来的新梦想、新经历和新机会留出空间。
So goal setting and planning is going to be key.
因此，目标设定和规划将是关键。
A lot of the time we really focus on plan A.
很多时候，我们真的专注于A计划。
So this is a great time to pivot and focus on planning for a new future and a new outcome.
因此，这是一个很好的时机，可以转向并专注于规划一个新的未来和新的结果。
Absolutely.
当然可以。
And just one final quick question for you, which is that sometimes people get mad at themselves for not getting over their grief.
还有最后一个快速问题，就是有时候人们会因为没有摆脱悲伤而对自己生气。
What would you say to those people?
你会对这些人说什么？
It's really important to keep healing at the forefront of your mind.
保持治疗在你脑海中的首要位置，这真的很重要。
And I think that understanding the grief process and going through the ups and downs and knowing that that's all a part of it,
我认为，理解悲伤的过程和经历起伏的过程并知道这都是它的一部分，
you have to be patient with yourself, you have to give yourself grace and understand that you're going to have good days, you're going to have bad days.
你必须对自己有耐心，你必须给自己宽容，并理解你会有好日子，也有糟糕的日子。
But when it all comes down to it, if you're keeping the idea of healing in the forefront,
但是，当一切都归结为它时，如果你把治愈的想法放在最前面，那么你就可以把你的能量和你的注意力集中在你身上。
then you can focus your energy and your time into that process and going through it in a way that is productive to your emotional well-being in the future.
那么你就可以把你的精力和时间集中在这个过程中，并以一种对你未来的情感健康有帮助的方式来完成它。
Wonderful.
很好。
Well, thank you so much for this conversation, Nina.
好吧，非常感谢你参加我们的访谈，尼娜。
We have come to the end, but really grateful to you for joining us.
今天的节目到此结束，真的很感谢你加入我们。
Take care.
保重。
Thank you so much for having me. Take care.
非常感谢你邀请我。保重。
