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Alright, so we're making mozzarella sticks.
好了，我们要做马苏里拉奶酪条了。
First thing you want to do is take six knives and put them face up on your cutting board.
你要做的第一件事是准备六把刀，把它们正面朝上放在切菜板上。
Then take your block of mozzarella, and just drop that on there.
然后拿起一块马苏里拉奶酪，让它掉落在刀上。
And you've got your cheese sticks.
然后你就得到了奶酪棒。
They're some portion of an inch wide and another portion of an inch deep.
有的是一英寸宽的，还有的是一英寸厚的。
I'm gonna take some bread crumbs.
拿一些面包屑。
I'm gonna mix in some garlic salt, some oregano, and some basil, and I'm just gonna mix that up.
加入一些蒜盐，一些牛至，一些罗勒，搅拌混合。
Nope.
这样不行。
You can put in whatever flavors you think will taste good, or you can be all stoic and just have a plain grilled cheese tube.
你可以加任何你觉得好吃的调味，或者你也可以禁欲，只吃普通的烤奶酪棒。
Next you want to take a plate or a shallow bowl of flour and an egg.
接下来准备一盘或一浅碗面粉和一个鸡蛋。
Well, I guess this is goodb... Ow!
好吧，我猜是时候说再见……嗷！
You really want to whisk the hell out of this so there's no goopy strands messing up the smoothness of your cheese.
一定要把鸡蛋搅打充分，这样就不会有粘稠的东西破坏奶酪的光滑了。
You want to grab a cheese stick and coat it with flour.
拿一根奶酪棒，裹上面粉。
Next comes the egg.
接下来是鸡蛋。
And then you want to get a good coating of breadcrumbs in there
然后再裹上一层面包屑。
Back to the egg and then back to the breadcrumbs again.
回来再裹一层鸡蛋，然后再裹一层面包屑。
Listen, do a single layer at your own peril.
听着，只裹一层，你就是在冒险。
I mean, if you want your mozzarella sticks to turn out like this: the first time I made them.
我的意思是，如果你想让你的马苏里拉奶酪条变成这样：我第一次做出来的样子。
That's what happened to me.
这就是我遭遇的惨状。
Go ahead and do one layer.
你要是想这样就裹一层。
Hey, it's your life.
嘿，这是你的人生。
You can do whatever you want.
你可以做任何你想做的事。
So just keep doing that to the next one.
好了，继续做下一个。
Make as many as you want.
想做多少做多少。
Can I try some with my fingers to see if it works better to not gunk them all up?
我要不用手指试一下？看看效果会不会更好，不把这些东西粘得哪都是。
Look, it's a battle to not get this shit from sticking everywhere.
听着，这是一场战斗，不要让这东西粘在任何地方。
And you just got to believe in yourself and do your best.
你只需要相信自己，尽你所能。
That's all you can hope for.
你只能怀着这样的期待了。
So, this is what you end up with: plate of these.
这就是你最后会得到的：一盘这样的东西。
I'm just gonna throw these in the freezer.
我要把这些放进冰箱。
And leave those in there somewhere between half an hour and six hours depending on who you ask.
把它们放在里面半小时到六小时，时间长短取决于你问的是谁。
The common thinking is have your oil at 350 degrees or so, make sure it's an oil with a high enough smoke point.
一般来说要让油温保持在350度左右，确保油的烟点足够高。
I think I might have already smoked my oil and that sucks, but we're not here to win a health award are we?
我觉得我的油已经过了烟点了，这样不好，但我们又不是来这儿拿健康奖的，对吧?
Use tongs.
用夹子。
Do not risk splashing because oil will fuck you up big time.
不要冒溅油的风险，因为它会狠狠伤害你。
And you're only cooking them for about a minute.
你只需要炸大约一分钟。
You only want to do a small amount at a time, so that way they don't stick together.
一次只炸一小部分，这样它们就不会粘在一起。
If they start to leak cheese, get them the hell out as quickly as possible.
如果它们开始漏奶酪了，就尽快把他们弄出来。
Holy crap, that seems too hot.
天啊，太烫了。
And we're putting them on paper towels to deal with the excess oil.
然后把它们放在纸巾上吸掉多余的油。
Look at that!
看啊！
Fish sticks.
鱼糕。
I mean mozzarella sticks.
我是说马苏里拉奶酪条。
Let's check it out.
让我们看看做得怎么样。
Oh, baby.
噢，真不错。
That seasoning really worked out.
真入味。
And then pick your sauces.
然后选一下蘸酱。
You could do -- ah damn it -- pizza sauce.
你可以用——该死——披萨酱。
A marinara sauce would be good, really anything tomato based.
意式蒜酱也很不错，真的，番茄底的酱都不错。
If you have no self-respect you could go with ketchup.
如果你没有自尊心的话，你也可以用番茄酱。
Pesto, how about hot sauce?
青酱，辣酱怎么样?
That would be really good.
肯定很好吃。
How about Tzatziki?
来点希腊蘸酱？
That'd be good.
不错。
Or if you want maximum clogging power, go with some Curry mayo.
如果你想要感受巨大的堵塞感，那就来点咖喱蛋黄酱吧。
There's a simple math equation to make sure you're eating these in a healthy way.
有一个简单的数学公式可以确保你以健康的方式吃这些东西。
For every mozzarella stick you eat, you want to have six mixed green salads, two dozen celery sticks, and have a colonic as soon as humanly possible afterwards.
每吃一根马苏里拉奶酪，你就得吃六份混合绿色沙拉，两打芹菜，然后尽快灌洗结肠。
That will keep the sticks from jamming up the old body system.
这样就不会让奶酪棒卡住老旧的身体系统了。
You know, people say these are really bad for you, but, I can think of far worse, like a box of thumbtacks or few bites of Dynamite.
大家都说这些东西对身体极其不好，但我能想到更糟的，比如一盒图钉或者几口炸药。
But seriously, I recommend consuming these with extreme moderation or never in your whole life.
但说真的，我建议你一定要适量地吃，否则一辈子都吃不到了。
K bye.
好了，拜。
Mozzarella sticks, healthier than a bag of bricks.
马苏里拉奶酪棒，比一袋砖头更健康。
Just eat fried cheese.
就吃炸奶酪吧。
There are no tricks with Mozzarella sticks.
马苏里拉奶酪条没什么坏心眼。
