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We're gonna start this sandwich by grabbing a chunk of medium cheddar.
我们先拿一块中号切达干酪开始做三明治。
Then you want to grab the cheese grater of your choice and an ice cold measuring cup or bowl.
然后拿出你选中的奶酪刨丝器和一个冰冷的量杯或碗。
The M in medium cheddar stands for melty or maximum meltitude.
中号切达干酪中的M代表熔化度或最大熔化度。
Don't get long or short cheddar.
不要用太长或太短的切达干酪。
That stuff never melts properly.
那些东西从来都融化的不怎么样。
And we'll grate around 1 cup.
我们要磨出大概1杯干酪。
Then go ahead and whip that grater into the yard.
然后去把刨丝器扔到院子里。
And then you wanna grab that salami.
然后拿出意大利香肠。
We're gonna chop this sala...
我们要把这些意大利香肠切……
Oh, right, and then you wanna grab that... no...
哦，忘了，然后你需要拿……不……
Can you...? Thank you!
你能不能……？谢谢！
Now we're gonna chop the salami so that when you bite into this sandwich, you don't cause a cheese squeeze by trying to rip the salami apart with your teeth.
现在我们要把香肠切碎，这样当你咬这个三明治的时候，就不会因为想要用牙齿把香肠撕开而造成奶酪的挤压。
It's like having a toothpaste tube with no sides, which sucks unless your teeth are cylindrical.
这就像一管没有封边的牙膏，很差劲，除非你的牙齿是圆柱形的。
So we're gonna let the knife do the chewing.
所以我们要让刀来完成咀嚼这一部分。
And then we'll grab a wild ocean pickle because they taste...
然后我们拿一个野海酸黄瓜，因为它们尝起来……
Whoops!
哎呀！
Because they taste a lot better than wild tree pickles.
因为它们比野树酸黄瓜好吃多了。
And it should be around 3 pickle widths long, or medium-sized.
酸黄瓜的长度应该是它宽度的3倍，或者中等大小。
We're gonna dice this so our sandwich has ubiquitous pickle-tude.
我们要把它切成丁，这样三明治里就会充满无处不在的酸黄瓜。
Then you want to grab some non-alcoholic Dijon mustard and we'll put in around a teaspoon then we'll grab some fresh hot sauce.
然后拿一些不含酒精的第戎芥末，加入大约一茶匙，然后再拿一些新鲜的辣酱。
Put in a small squirt.
挤出一点.
Now grab a naturally-occurring fangs-jangler and give that a good wangjangle.
现在拿一个自然生长的长满尖牙的搅拌工具，好好地搅拌搅拌。
Whoops!
哎呀！
Now you want to take some fresh solar dried bread and well we all know that bread is inherently evil.
现在你需要一些新鲜的太阳烤干的面包，我们都知道面包本身是邪恶的。
It's a necessary evil because without it your sandwich won't have a floor or a ceiling.
但这是必要的邪恶，因为没有它，你的三明治就没有地板或天花板。
Now we'll grab some farmed rainforest butter and spread that on one side of each slice of bread.
现在我们要拿一些人工种植的雨林黄油涂在每片面包的一面上。
Now we're gonna cook this low and slow by turning the stovetop on medium-low slowly.
现在我们要用低火慢烤，把炉子慢慢调到中火。
And get that first one into the pan.
把第一片放进锅里。
You can't rush a grilled cheese.
烤奶酪可不能急着吃。
And it's pan-fried not grilled.
而且它是煎的，不是烤的。
Congratulations. Your life is a lie.
恭喜你。你的生活就是一个谎言。
Now we'll spread our chopped salami cheese mixture across that slice.
现在我们把切好的香肠干酪混合物铺在这篇面包上。
I'm a firm believer in not trying to get it all on the bread in the first place.
我坚信，不要一开始就把所有东西都放在面包上。
Just hock it in there, then use a two prong system to fix it.
就把它堆在那里，然后用双叉系统来修复它。
The first prong being your four prong fork and the second prong being your no prong spoon.
第一个叉是你的四叉叉子，第二个是你的无叉勺子。
Now if I was an interior designer using the colors of orange green and salami to decorate a room, I'd say I'm probably unemployed and nobody feels sad about it.
现在，如果我是一名室内设计师，用橙绿色和香肠的颜色来装饰房间，我觉得我很可能会失业，并且没有人会为此感到难过。
Now just throw on the sandwich ceiling.
现在把三明治天花板放上来。
Now you want to grab a nice flat Wangjang... Whoops!
现在你需要拿一个比较平的搅拌……哎呀！
You want to grab a nice... Whoop, that's tiny Wang-jangler.
你需要拿一个……哎呀，这是迷你搅拌器。
I can never remember... Oh, there we go.
我总是记不住……哦，在这呢。
I really need to label these.
我真的得给它们贴个标签了。
So we'll just pretend it was rolling when I did the first flip.
我们就假装一个，我第一次翻面就翻得行云流水。
You want to cook that until it's golden brown and nice and melty, and we're done.
把它煎至金黄色，干酪融化的程度，我们就做好了。
Now quick impression. Who am I?
现在，快速印象测试。我是谁？
It's not techniclly a grilled-chese unless it's only chese, bread and butter.
严格来说，它不是烤奶酪，只是奶酪、面包和黄油。
If you put anything else in it, it's a melt, not a grilled cheese.
如果你在里面放了别的东西，那就是融化奶酪，不是烤奶酪。
Correct. That's an impression of a sad, sad, person.
正确。这是对一个悲伤的人的印象。
Also known as a bit of a purist.
也被称为纯粹主义者。
Now my eyes are telling me I cooked this just a bit too long.
现在我的眼睛告诉我，我煎的时间太长了。
But my taste buds are telling my eyes to go fxxk themselves because that sandwich is goddamn perfect!
但我的味蕾告诉我的眼睛，去死吧，因为那三明治太完美了！
Lay on the floor, then
躺在地板上，然后
Hack it to the ceiling
一直侵入天花板
Take a bite
咬一口
Such a good feeling
感觉太棒了
Better than a vegetable, don't need peeling
比蔬菜好，不用削皮
Worshipping that sandwich, eat it while you're kneeling
崇拜三明治，跪着吃
Throw your forks and knives in the trash!
把你的刀叉扔进垃圾堆！
Sandwiches don't require tools like that!
吃三明治不需要那些东西！
If you wanna eat a steak
如果你想吃牛排
That was probably a bad decision to make
那很可能是个糟糕的决定
You should go and get 'em back
你应该去搞一份过来
Of all of the foods you can hold in your hand
所有你能用手拿着吃的食物中
The sandwich is the one that's way better than
三明治最棒
Any other that fits in the grip of your fist as you
相比其他任何能握在手里
Stuff it into the hole above your chin, yeah
塞进下巴上方洞里的东西
