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According to statistics, only a small percentage of you, who watch our videos are actually subscribed.
据统计，只有一小部分观看我们视频的人真正订阅了我们的视频。
If you're not subscribed yet and you enjoy what you see, do consider hitting the subscribe button.
如果您还没有订阅，并且您喜欢视频的内容，请考虑点击订阅按钮。
This encourages YouTube's algorithm in promoting more of our mental health content to more people out there.
这使YouTube的算法能向更多的人推广我们的心理健康内容。
Hey Psych2Goers, are you tired of always arguing with your parents?
嘿， Psych2Go的观众们，你厌倦了总是和你的父母吵架吗？
Do they never understand what you're going through?
他们永远不会理解你所经历的一切吗？
Parents are people too, and they make mistakes.
父母也是人，他们也会犯错。
But unlike others, their careless mistakes can lead to a lot of emotional baggage for their children.
但与其他人不同的是，他们粗心大意的错误会给孩子带来很多情感负担。
And one of the most harmful, yet often unintentional ways parents hurt their children, is by gaslighting them,
父母伤害孩子最有害的方式之一，也是通常无意的方式，就是使用煤气灯效应操控他们，
which is defined as a form of psychological and emotional manipulation that leads its victims to doubting themselves and their own perceptions of reality.
它被定义为一种心理和情感操纵的形式，导致受害者怀疑自己和自己对现实的看法。
Curious to know more? Here are seven signs that your parents are gaslighting you.
想知道更多吗？这里有七个迹象表明你的父母在用煤气灯效应操控你。
Number one, they don't listen to you.
第一，他们不听你的。
How do conversations with your parents usually go?
和你父母的谈话通常进行得怎么样？
Are they open to listening to your ideas and hearing what you have to say, or do they simply expect you to do as you're told, just because they said so?
他们愿意倾听你的想法和你要说的话吗？还是仅仅因为他们说了什么，他们就期望你照做？
Having parents who don't listen to you can be frustrating, to say the least, and constantly being patronized and treated like a child can surely do a number to anyone's self-esteem.
父母不听你的话会让人沮丧，至少可以说，经常被当成孩子对待肯定会伤害到每个人的自尊。
When you don't feel heard, especially in your own home by your own parents, it can plant the seeds of insecurity and self-doubt in your own mind that can become harder and harder to uproot the older you get.
当你感觉不到父母的声音时，特别是在你自己的家里，这可能会在你自己的头脑中播下不安全感和自我怀疑的种子，随着你年龄的增长，这些种子会变得越来越难根除。
Number two, they decide things for you.
第二，他们会为你做决定。
Do your parents pick your clothes out for you or tell you who you can and can't be friends with?
你的父母是为你挑选衣服，告诉你可以和谁做朋友，不能和谁做朋友吗？
Do they forbid you from seeing certain people or going to certain places just because they don't like it?
难道仅仅因为他们不喜欢，他们就禁止你见某些人或去某些地方吗？
Do they make your decisions for you without even asking you what you want?
他们会不会甚至不问你想要什么就帮你做决定？
While it's not uncommon for parents to tell you what you should like or how you should act, especially when you're still young,
虽然父母告诉你应该喜欢什么或应该如何行事并不少见，特别是在你还年轻的时候，
it can become toxic and problematic when they don't allow you the freedom to decide things for yourself and to establish your own sense of identity, free from their influence and control.
但如果他们不允许你自由地为自己做决定，不受他们的影响和控制，建立自己的认同感，这可能会变得有害和有问题。
Number three, they tend to dismiss your problems.
第三，他们往往会对你的问题不屑一顾。
Whether it's a fight with your best friend, a broken heart after a breakup, or the pressure of getting good grades and doing well in your finals, your parents may not understand that the struggles you are facing are heavy and very real to you.
无论是和你最好的朋友吵架，分手后心碎难过，还是期末考试取得好成绩的压力，你的父母可能不会理解你面临的斗争是沉重和非常真实的。
Instead of empathizing with you, they may simply tell you to move on and forget all about it because it won't matter in a few weeks, and there's no use crying over spilled milk.
他们可能不会同情你，而是简单地告诉你继续前进，忘掉这一切，因为几周后这件事就无关紧要了，为做过的事后悔没啥用处。
But invalidating your feelings, is a common example of gaslighting.
但是让你的感觉无价值，这是一个常见的煤气灯效应的例子。
Number four, they tell you you're overreacting.
第四，他们说你反应过度了。
Do your parents roll their eyes and say you're overreacting whenever you try to open up to them?
你的父母会不会在你试图向他们敞开心扉的时候表示不屑，说你反应过度了？
Telling someone they're just being dramatic or being too sensitive can be a telltale sign that they're gaslighting you.
告诉别人他们只是太戏剧化或者太敏感了，这可能是一个很明显的信号，表明他们正在使用煤气灯效应操控你。
And if your parents do it to you so often that it starts to make you feel guilty or ashamed for feeling a certain way, that is a clear sign as any that something is wrong in the way your parents treat you.
如果你的父母经常这样对你，以至于你开始因为某种感觉而感到内疚或羞愧，这是一个明显的迹象，表明你父母对待你的方式有问题。
Number five, they deny their shortcomings.
第五，他们否认自己的缺点。
Another warning sign your parents might be gaslighting you, is if you feel like, you can never have an honest immature conversation with them about the flaws in your relationship.
另一个你的父母可能在使用煤气灯效应操控你的警告信号是，如果你觉得，你永远不能和他们就你们关系中的缺陷进行诚实而不成熟的对话。
This may mean feeling like you have to keep certain things, such as how you wanna be treated or when you don't like what they said about you to yourself because you know they're not going to wanna hear it.
这可能意味着你必须保留某些东西，比如你希望别人如何对待你，或者当你不喜欢他们对你说的话时，因为你知道他们不会想听。
Instead, you know they'll deny their shortcomings and justify their bad behaviors by saying things like, "well, that's not how I see it," or "you should be grateful, I'm only doing this for your own good."
相反，你知道他们会否认自己的缺点，并通过这样的话来为自己的不良行为辩护，比如，“嗯，我不是这么看的”，或者“你应该心存感激，我这么做只是为了你好。”
Number six, they shift the blame towards you.
第六，他们把责任推到你身上。
Similar to the last point, instead of owning up to their mistakes and taking responsibility for it, they simply shift the blame towards you often by playing the victim.
与最后一点类似，他们并没有承认自己的错误并承担责任，而是经常通过扮演受害者的方式将责任转嫁给你。
Nothing is ever their fault because their fingers are always pointed at somebody else, ready to shift the blame the moment something goes wrong, and most of the time, it's you.
没有什么是他们的错，因为他们总是把矛头指向别人，随时准备在出问题的时候推卸责任，而大多数时候，错的都是你。
Self-righteous and sanctimonious, your parents may gaslight you by becoming defensive and turning every valid criticism you have, no matter how gently you give it, into a full-on screaming match and pointing out all of your flaws instead.
自以为是和伪善的父母可能会用煤气灯效应来操控你，他们会变得生气，扭曲每一个你提出的有价值的批评，不管你多么温和地提出任何合理的批评，都会变成一场尖叫比赛，并指出你所有的缺点。
And number seven, they never just take your word for it.
第七，他们从来不会轻信你的话。
Last, but certainly not least, this is perhaps one of the most common and most often unintentional ways, parents gaslight their children.
最后，但肯定不是最不重要的，这可能是最常见也是最无意的方式之一，父母用煤气灯效应操控他们的孩子。
If you come to them with a problem, say for example, like you're being bullied at school, they never just take your word for it.
如果你带着问题来找他们，比方说，比如你在学校被欺负，他们绝不会相信你的话。
They have to hear it from someone else before they believe it, and say things like, "are you sure, maybe you vote them in some way and this is all just a misunderstanding."
在他们相信之前，他们必须从别人那里听到，然后说，“你确定吗，也许你以某种方式投票同意了他们，这一切都只是一个误会。
Ultimately, your word isn't good enough for them, and it won't be long before it stops being good enough for you too.
归根结底，你的话对他们来说还不够好，用不了多久，它也不会对你足够好的。
Did you relate to any of the signs we've mentioned?
你对我们提到的迹象有什么想说的吗?
Let us know in the comments below.
请在下面的评论中告诉我们。
If you found this video helpful, be sure to like, subscribe, and share this video with those who might benefit from it.
如果你觉得本期视频有帮助，请点赞、订阅，并与可能受益的人分享本期视频。
And don't forget to hit the notification bell icon to get notified whenever Psych2Go posts a new video.
而且不要忘了点击通知铃图标，以便在Psych2Go发布新视频时收到通知。
The references and studies used in this video, are added in the description below.
本视频中使用的参考文献和研究，已添加在下面的描述中。
Thanks so much for watching, and will see you next time.
非常感谢您的收看，我们下次再见。
