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You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck.
你的厨艺弱爆了，完全弱爆了。
Today we're making onion rings, also known as delicious crispy panko encrusted calamari looking grease hoops.
今天我们做洋葱圈，洋葱圈也叫做“美味酥脆裹面包糠的鱿鱼圈模样的油炸圈”。
We'll start by taking a spherical onion, and uh this one's a bit small let's rehydrate this one.
首先拿一个圆球状的洋葱，呃，这个有点小，给它补充点水分。
Actually it's still a bit too small so let's just...there we go.
其实还是有点太小了，我们直接……好了。
We're going to need to cut these into ring shapes.
需要把洋葱切成圈。
Whoops ! You want to cut these a quarter to a half inch wide.
噢！应该切四分之一英寸宽。
A lot of people think onions make you cry because of the syn-propanethial-s-oxide stimulating your lacrimal glands.
许多人以为洋葱让你流泪是因为丙硫醛-S-氧化物刺激了泪腺。
But it's actually because onions are subliminally mean.
但其实是因为洋葱暗戳戳地很毒舌。
Look: your confidence is a facade, you're not fooling anybody.
看：你的自信不过是表象，你骗不到任何人。
Good thing it doesn't have any effect on me, though.
不过好在这不会对我起作用。
Obviously a much easier way to get the rings is to smash the onion against the wall.
显然，切洋葱圈更简单的办法是把洋葱往墙上摔。
Make sure to remove the layer of scotch tape that keeps the onion rings together.
一定要撕掉把洋葱圈粘在一起的胶带。
Now we're going to combine three quarters cup of flour with one quarter cup cornstarch to create corn flour.
现在把四分之三杯的面粉和四分之一杯的玉米淀粉混合，做成玉米面粉。
Now you can add whatever flavor you want to not be able to taste once it's deep fried.
现在可以加入你不想尝到的任何口味，油炸后反正也尝不到了。
I like not tasting garlic powder, chili powder and cumin.
我不想尝到大蒜、辣椒面和茴香籽。
A lot of people use cayenne, but I like to go my own way even if it's the wrong way.
很多人会加红辣椒，但我喜欢用自己的方法做，哪怕是错的。
All right, fine, I'll put in some cayenne and a teaspoon of salt and some pepper pepper pepper.
好吧，我还是加点红辣椒和一勺盐，还有一些胡椒胡椒胡椒。
Now we'll take some cold soda water, around a cup or so depending on how much spice you add.
现在加入一些冷苏打水，看你加了多少香料，大约一杯就够了。
And we'll wangjangle that in until it's around yay thick.
然后搅和搅和，直到面糊有这么稀。
This is batter station number one.
这是一号面糊。
The reason we use soda water is so that the light carbonation calories cancel out the heavy grease calories, making these onion rings calorie neutral, i'm pretty sure.
加入苏打水是为了让较轻的碳水卡路里中和掉较重的油脂卡路里，从而让这些洋葱圈的卡路里达到中性，我确定就是这样。
Now we'll light some candles, take a piece of bread and toast it the old-fashioned way.
现在点几根蜡烛，拿一片面包，用老办法把面包烤一下。
And then we'll just smash that into crumbs and then those go into a bowl.
然后把面包砸碎成面包渣，装进碗里。
This is batter station number two.
这是二号面糊。
Assume your batter stations.
战斗状态就位！（batter谐音battle）
So you dunk the onion in the batter until it's completely covered, and now we're gonna add the panko layer.
把洋葱丢进面糊，要没过洋葱，然后再裹上一层面包糠。
Shake it in the bread dust until it burrows like a desert lizard, then give it a flip and repeat.
摇晃面包渣，让洋葱圈像沙漠蜥蜴一样钻进去，然后翻个面，继续摇晃。
It's pretty ironic that we're adding layers back onto the onion here. I bet it's pissed.
讽刺的是我们又把一层层的东西加回到洋葱上了。我敢说洋葱现在很火大。
You think you know everything about people, but you actually know nothing.
你以为你对人们无所不知，实际上你一无所知。
Use a fork to sift for batter nuggets and take those out.
用叉子把面糊块挑出来。
Use separate tongs or separate fingers at each station to avoid a bunch of crud gunking buildup.
每一次都用不同的夹子或手指，以免面糊块越来越多。
If you're gonna make a lot of these, you might want to consider investing in a battering ram.
如果要做很多洋葱圈，可以考虑入手一只面糊公羊。
It just does really good job.
真的非常好用。
And once you've got some of those done, you're ready to fry.
这些做完之后，就准备好油炸了。
I'm using peanut oil and you want to use a high smoke point oil like this or canola or corn or safflower.
我用的是花生油，最好用这种高烟点的油，还比如菜籽油或红花籽油。
Now i'm going to heat up my oil to 350 fahrenheit.
现在我要把油加热到350华氏度。
It's really important you know the exact temperature.
知道准确的温度非常重要。
Deep frying is one of the more dangerous things you can do in the kitchen, and these are just a few of the things you have to keep in mind.
油炸是厨房里比较危险的操作之一，屏幕上的这些事项必须要记住。
Please check out the link in the description about safely deep frying before you attempt it, and remember the safest way to make onion rings is to order them from the bar and leave it to the pros.
请在动手之前查看视频简介里关于油炸安全事项的链接，也请记住做洋葱圈最安全的办法就是去酒吧买一点，让专业人士来炸。
Whoa, look at those shapes. It's like a portal to another dimension.
哇塞，看看这个形状，看起来像通往另一个维度的传送门。
Now after around 15 minutes of patience, my oil has come up to 350 degrees.
十五分钟左右的耐心等待之后，油温已经到了350华氏度。
I've got my onion ring elevator I'm going to use to gently lower these in.
我要用我的洋葱圈升降机来把它们轻轻地放进油锅。
And we'll just let them have a volcanic swim for around three minutes total, gently flipping once at the halfway point without splashing.
然后让它们在这火山岩浆里游三分钟左右，轻轻地从一半的地方翻动，以免油溅出来。
Then we'll elevate those out of there and let them rest in this comfortable steel bed.
然后把洋葱圈捞出来，让它们在这个铁丝床上休息。
This spider strainer is phenomenal because my hands are never anywhere near the oil, which is how I like it.
这个蜘蛛网一样的漏勺真是了不起，我的手从来不用接近油锅，所以我很喜欢这个漏勺。
And just keep doing that until your onions look like they had a wicked March break, bruh.
重复这些操作，知道你的洋葱看起来像是度过了一个糟糕的春假。
Onion rings are all done. The only thing left to do is give it the crispiness test.
洋葱圈都做好了。只剩下给它做个酥脆度测试。
Not bad.
不错。
