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You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck.
你的厨艺弱爆了，完全弱爆了。
All right, french toast. Super easy.
好的，法式吐司。超级简单。
Take some bread slices and then throw them around the apartment to assert dominance and to let them dry out so that the bread will soak up more of the egg mixture without falling apart.
拿一些面包片，把它们扔在公寓周围来建立强势地位，而且让它们变干，这样面包就会吸收更多鸡蛋混合物，而不会散开。
If you're already the alpha where you live, or if you're very careful with your bread, you can skip this step.
如果你已经是你居住地方的老大，或者如果你非常小心地对待你的面包，就可以跳过这一步。
Crack two eggs in a bowl and if you drop in a piece of the shell, you can get it out with another piece of shell, or with Nine forks, or with a pair of eggshell tweezers.
在碗里打碎两个鸡蛋，如果掉进一块蛋壳，可以用另一块蛋壳，或者九把叉子，或者蛋壳镊子把它拿出来。
You can also get a piece of shell out by using the gravitational pull of a bigger piece of shell.
也可以利用一块较大蛋壳的吸引力拉出另一块蛋壳。
Now I'll add in three eighth a cup of milk, a half teaspoon of cinnamon, a pinch of salt and one eighth teaspoon of vanilla extract.
现在我会加入八分之三杯的牛奶，半茶匙肉桂，一小撮盐和八分之一茶匙的香草精。
You can use pure vanilla extract or vanilla extract that's been to hell.
你可以使用纯净香草精或去过地狱的邪恶香草精。
And we'll wang-jangle that together until we've got an omelette you'd never want to eat.
然后搅拌一下，搅成你绝对不想吃的煎蛋卷的样子。
Notice I'm not putting in heaping tablespoons of sugar because you're going to be drowning this in sugar later.
请注意，我不会放入大量的糖，因为稍后你会淹没在糖中。
So can't you wait a few minutes? I think you can. You're tough.
所以你就不能等几分钟吗？我认为你能。你是坚强的。
Now we can collect our bread and organize it.
现在我们可以收集面包并整理一下。
And since bread is made in a factory, you want to inspect the crust for any debris that might have gotten stuck in there.
因为面包是在工厂里生产的，所以要检查面包的外壳，看看有没有卡在里面的碎片。
And just remove anything that doesn't seem edible.
把任何看起来不能吃的东西都拿出来。
You can use a thick bread or you can use a thin bread.
你可以用厚面包，也可以用薄面包。
Whatever bread you use, just make sure it's white enough to scare you. Boo!
不管你用什么面包，只要确保它颜色足够白，能吓到你就行了。嗬！
And if your bread comes with one of these due hickeys, you should snap it in half, fling it, then twist and tuck the bag, which will keep it fresher since air can't fly in a spiral.
如果你的面包上有这种小东西，你应该把它折成两半，扔出去，然后把袋子拧一下并塞住，这样会让面包更新鲜，因为空气不能螺旋式飞行。
And finally if you bought crustless bread, you can always attach crusts with the power of gravity.
最后，如果你买了无皮面包，可以在重力的作用下加上面包皮。
You're gonna need a wide flat vessel, like a wide bowl, or a pie plate, or an upside down lid, or a giant empty drawer.
你需要一个宽大的扁平容器，比如一个大碗，馅饼盘，倒置的盖子，或者巨大的空抽屉。
One approach is to soak the bread in the egg smoothie for 30 seconds each side.
一种方法是将面包的每一面各在鸡蛋液中浸泡30秒。
This works well with stiff thick bread or very careful hands.
硬而厚的面包或者非常精巧的手很适合用这种方法。
But you can also just do a quick dip on each side, especially if your mixture is more eggy or if you don't want it soggy in the middle.
但你也可以把两面快速蘸一下，特别是如果你的蛋液中鸡蛋比较多，或者不想让面包中间太湿哒哒。
Medium heat, add in butter and a bit of vegetable oil.
用中火加热，加入黄油和一点植物油。
Insert the square bread into the round pan.
把方形面包放进圆锅里。
We'll cook that for a couple minutes until it's beautifully golden brown on one side.
我们把它煮几分钟，直到它的一面变成美丽的金黄色。
Then give it a flip until it's golden brown on the other side.
然后把它翻过来，直到它的另一面也变成金黄色。
Now I'm just gonna pour on some maple syrup.
现在我要倒点枫糖浆。
But you can use any syrup you want.
但你可以用任何你想要的糖浆。
Don't let anyone's syrup shame you if you prefer corn syrup or honey, molasses, fern syrup or axle grease.
如果你更喜欢玉米糖浆、蜂蜜、糖蜜、蕨类糖浆或车轴润滑油，不要因为任何人的糖浆而感到羞愧。
Also remember the syrup isn't there just to taste good.
还要记住，糖浆不只是为了味道好。
It's throat lubricant to help the french toast get into your stomach.
它是喉咙润滑剂，可以帮助法式吐司进入你的胃。
And if you don't like french toast, you can always have english toast, or dutch toast, or super french toast.
如果你不喜欢法式吐司，可以随时吃英式吐司、荷兰吐司或超级法式吐司。
And remember if you're making this for someone who really hates france, you can trick them into eating wrench toast instead.
记住，如果你是为真正讨厌法国的人做这个吐司，你可以骗他们吃扳手吐司。
