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You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck.
你的厨艺弱爆了，完全弱爆了。
A lot of people wonder why they're called jalapeno poppers, and the reason why is because, if you take a jalapeno and flip it inside out, it'll...
许多人都很奇怪为什么这道菜叫墨西哥辣椒培根啪啪卷，原因就是如果你拿一个墨西哥辣椒，然后把它翻过来，它就会(啪地弹起来)
Magic.
神奇。
You can, of course, avoid that by just de-popping them in advance.
当然也可以提前防止它们啪地一下弹起来。
That one's not gonna go anywhere.
这个辣椒哪儿都去不了了。
So we're gonna start by having these and removing the egg nests.
首先把辣椒切一下，去掉辣椒籽。
I find it's handy to scrape them out with a spoon.
我发现用勺子挖非常方便。
This is where a lot of the heat is stored.
这就是辣得你嘴唇发热的东西。
If you want to leave a little spicy surprise, you can just sprinkle a few of those eggs back in there.
如果你想留一点火辣的惊喜，可以撒几颗辣椒籽在上面。
Ooh, those seeds are spicy.
哦，这些辣椒籽真的好辣。
I better get drunk to counteract that.
我最好把自己灌醉来以毒攻毒一下。
Now after handling jalapenos, you want to wash your hands before you touch your eyes,
用手处理完辣椒后，在洗手之前要避免用手摸你的眼睛、
nose, armpits, buttocks, genitalia,
鼻子、腋窝、屁股、生殖器，
orifices, skin, liver, lungs, heart, brains, objects, or horses.
鼻孔、皮肤、肝、肺、心、脑，各种东西，还有马。
Joke's on me, I only washed one hand.
坑到我自己了，我只洗了一只手。
Now we're gonna take some cream cheese,
现在拿一块奶油奶酪，
Not block cheese
不是块状奶酪，
Not string cheese,
不是条状奶酪，
Not cylinder cheese,
不是圆柱奶酪，
Not cheese that slaps,
不是能拍人的奶酪片，
Not parellel line cheese,
不是平行线奶酪，
Not pentagonal prism cheese,
不是五棱柱奶酪，
Not cheese dice,
不是奶酪骰子，
Cream cheese, okay?
奶油奶酪，好吗？
We'll take half a block. That was supposed to be a cool chop.
切下来半块，我本来应该很酷地一刀切下来的。
I'm gonna soften this with microwaves.
把它放进微波炉里软化一下。
You can use any kind of waves you want.
用什么波都行，只要你喜欢。
Oh whoops. I mean like 20 seconds.
啊偶。加热20秒。
Whoa, it's popping.
哇，它爆炸了。
I didn't know that could pop.
我不知道奶酪还能炸。
Okay, so we're gonna take this softened cream cheese and add
好的，在软化的奶油奶酪里加上
1/2 teaspoon of garlic powder, but since I forgot to get more garlic powder I'm just putting in a teaspoon and a half of cumin.
半茶匙大蒜粉，但因为我忘了多买点大蒜粉，所以我就加一勺半的茴香粉。
I'm throwing in I have no idea how much pepper pepper pepper.
加入我也不知道多少的胡椒胡椒胡椒。
I'm squirting in some sriracha because I totally neutered the heat, pinch of salt.
挤一点是拉差辣椒酱，因为我把辣度都去掉了，还有一小撮盐。
Yeah, we'll just mix this all up,
然后把这些混在一起。
Wang jangle this all up, that's way too much cumin.
搅拌搅拌，茴香太多了。
Trick statement: There's no such thing as way too much cumin.
说句骗人的话：茴香永远不嫌多。
Guys, I'm addicted to cumin and you should be, too.
各位，我对茴香有瘾，你们也应该上瘾。
This is one of my top 10 Philadelphian foods easily.
这绝对是我最爱的十种费城食物之一。
And we'll start filling these up. How full? Not full. Just under the brim is good.
然后把辣椒填满。多满？不用太满，不要溢出来就行了。
Now that most of the egg nests are out of the jalapenos, you can touch all the orifices and horses that you want.
现在所有辣椒里没有任何辣椒籽了，你可以尽情地摸鼻孔和马了。
Let's do one where we just really fill it up. See what happens with that one.
我要把这个填得超级满，看看会发生什么。
I'm an adult, sue me. So the endo has been preheated to 400.
我是成年人了，告我啊。烤箱已经预热到400度了。
Now onto my parchment paper pan go the peppers in preparation of the procedure in which they will be pummeled by...
现在铺了纸的盘子上都放上辣椒了，准备进入下一个程序，被......
Uum, whatever word for heat that starts with the letter p.
此处是某个表示"加热"且以p开头的单词。
Now we're gonna wrap these with strips of bacon, also known as edible tape which is a good idea if you
现在用培根条把辣椒卷起来，培根也叫可食用胶带，这是个挺棒的主意，如果你
A) like bacon B) enjoy the taste of bacon C) consume bacon D) are not bacon averse or E) like bacon.
喜欢培根，喜欢培根的味道，吃培根，不讨厌培根，或者喜欢培根。
Then we're gonna have to cut these. You'll have to just make a judgment call here.
要把这段剪掉。你得判断怎么卷。
But I do recommend tucking under and then coming back around and tucking under again. Here's an idea.
我推荐折下去，再卷上来，再折下去。还有个办法，
Let's cut it first and we're not gonna use toothpicks because if you make just 9 million of these that's an entire tree.
先剪断，而且不用牙签，因为如果你要做九百万个辣椒卷，那就要用一整棵树了。
Oh and why you got the scissors? Feel free to snip off the rat tails.
哦，你不是拿着剪刀吗？大可以把这些耗子尾巴剪掉。
Some people like to use them as handles, but, some people, I don't know.
有些人喜欢把梗当作手柄，也有些人，我也不知道。
Into the undoh we gundo? And we'll put those in for around 20 minutes.
放进烤箱，搞一箱？放进去烤大约20分钟。
Let's take a look. Ooh. Whoopsie you do. Look at that. Oh looking good. Look at that color. Mmm.
看一眼，哇，哇塞塞，快看，看起来不错啊，看那颜色，嗯。
And you can see why I should have made these on a wire rack.
能看出来，为什么我本来应该在下面放一个架子的。
I take a plate. I'll take a paper towel, which will rip off at my mouth.
拿个盘子，拿点厨房用纸，我用嘴撕了。
Slide this one over to the edge. Take a bite at Pizza. Mmm.
把这个放到边上，咬一口披萨，嗯。
Lift these over. Gently cradling them with our four prong spoon. Laying them down.
把它们移过来。用四齿叉子温柔地把它们抱起来。放下去。
Oh, look. Do we have any problem not having to use toothpicks? No, we don't.
看，不用牙签有问题吗？一点问题都没有。
This is the one where I filled it to the brim, see how it's spilling out a bit.
这是那个塞得很满的，看，溢出来了一点。
Now I'm not gonna lie. It did accidentally melt a bag onto this burner in the process, but you know,
我要坦白一下，烤的时候确实融化了一些，不小心滴到煤气头上了。但是，
that happens sometimes when you're just neglectful in drinking.
当你因为喝酒而分心的时候，这种情况有时候确实会发生。
Now for showmanship purposes we'll just move these on over.
现在，作为展示，可以把它们挪到盘子里。
They're gonna be a bit hot due to the heat.
因为烤过，所以还有点烫。
That was around 23 minutes total and they're looking pretty good.
一共烤了23分钟左右，卖相非常好。
I'm not gonna lie. This cumin doesn't make them look as good as using garlic powder.
说实话，用茴香不如用大蒜粉看起来好看。
Almost looks like dirty cheese or something.
这些看起来有点像脏芝士或者别的什么东西了。
But is it worth it for the flavor? I don't know. Let's check.
但是味道怎么样呢？我不知道，来尝一尝。
Mm-hmm. I stand by it. Tastes great.
嗯，信我一句话，味道好极了。
