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异国母女: 在另一个宇宙,我们也许是朋友(5)

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“Let’s be weirdos, mummy,” Elena says, dancing joyfully, “not perfectos!”

“让我们做怪咖吧,妈妈,” 埃琳娜载歌载舞地说,“不做完美的人!”

In public, she shouts: “Mummy, where does my vagina go?”

在公共场合,她大喊: “妈妈,我的阴道去哪了?”

If a stranger glances reproachfully in our direction, I stare back and reply loudly: “Up through your cervix and into your uterus.”

如果一个陌生人用责备的眼神朝我们的方向看,我也会盯回去,并大声回道: “沿着子宫颈往上,就进入你的子宫了。”

Sometimes I pull up a medical drawing on my phone, but then, in that instant of believing that I’m somehow rebelling against my mother, I remember she was a gynaecologist in Iran.

有时我从手机上调出一张医学图,但在随后的那一瞬间,我认为我在某种程度上是在反抗母亲,我记得她是伊朗的妇科医生。

She showed me this same diagram.

她给我展示了同样的图。

She may have tried to shrink-wrap and hide me the way Iranian mothers do, but she was also a rational, scientific adult, a doctor in a lab coat who solved complicated maths puzzles for fun.

她可能试着像伊朗母亲那样,把我裹得严严实实,藏起来,但她也是一位科学理性的成年人,一位穿着实验室大褂、以解决复杂的数学难题为乐的医生。

For all her magical thinking and religious dogma, my mother had strong arms and a big brain, and I worshipped her.

尽管我的母亲思维神奇,遵守宗教教条,但她却有着结实的手臂与聪明的大脑,我崇拜她。

In Iran, “normal” is to make room for that duality.

在伊朗,“正常”为这种二元性留出空间。

Good Asian daughters can easily slip in and out of fantasy realms.

亚洲好女儿可以轻易地进出虚幻世界。

They are loyal and they perform for their mothers.

她们忠于自己的母亲,为她们进行表演。

They stay in the imaginary room, and pretend it makes sense, that the westerners are so silly, so funny. I guess I’m no longer a good Asian daughter.

她们呆在想象之屋中,假装西方人愚蠢、滑稽至极的说法言之有理。我想我不再是个称职的亚洲女儿了。

During an exhausting two-hour talk a few months ago – before we found the English therapist – my mother casually called me a concubine, since I’m not married.

在几个月前我与母亲的一次长达两小时的疲惫不堪的谈话中(我们找到英语心理治疗师之前), 我母亲因为我还没有结婚就随意称呼我为情妇。

The whole enterprise, our reconciling, fell instantly apart. I texted my friend, a fellow immigrant writer, to complain.

我们的整个和解事业立刻破裂了。我给我同为移民作家的朋友发短信抱怨。

“They can’t help it! These overbearing, traumatised mothers … it’s true, we all have the same mother!”

“她们无能为力! 这些母亲霸道、受过创伤……真的,我们都有相同的母亲!”

My friend advocates for a gentle approach, wherein we fake loyal Asian daughterhood for our mothers, knowing that we will soon return to our own safe, feminist houses.

我的朋友主张采取一种温和的方式,即,在母亲面前扮演忠诚的亚洲女儿,因为我们知道,我们很快就会回到自己安全、女权主义的家。

“The way they were raised was so much worse,” she reminds me. “The cultural fuckery they were getting from their own mothers. Look how little of it they’re transmitting … so much less than they got.”

“养育她们的方式要糟糕得多,” 她提醒我。“她们从自己的母亲那里学的狗屁文化。看看她们传播出去了多少……比她们接收的要少得多。”

It’s true, our mothers endured upbringings we can’t even imagine.

没错,我们的母亲忍受了我们无法想象的养育方式。

Beatings and long silences, body shaming, sexual shaming, gruelling work.

挨打,长时间沉默,身体羞辱,性别羞辱,艰苦的工作。

重点单词   查看全部解释    
perform [pə'fɔ:m]

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v. 执行,运转,举行,表演

联想记忆
imaginary [i'mædʒinəri]

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adj. 想象的,虚构的

联想记忆
therapist ['θerəpist]

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n. 临床医学家

 
magical ['mædʒikəl]

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adj. 魔术的,有魔力的,神奇的

 
rational ['ræʃənəl]

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adj. 合理的,理性的,能推理的
n. 有理

 
slip [slip]

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v. 滑倒,溜走,疏忽,滑脱
n. 滑倒,溜走

 
pretend [pri'tend]

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v. 假装,装作
adj. 假装的

联想记忆
dogma ['dɔ:gmə,'dɔgmə]

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n. 教条,信条

联想记忆
stare [steə(r)]

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v. 凝视,盯着看
n. 凝视

 
approach [ə'prəutʃ]

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n. 接近; 途径,方法
v. 靠近,接近,动

联想记忆

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