评论
打印
Can you think back to the last time someone said or did something that upset you so much you were basically speechless?
你能回想起上次某人说的话或做的事让你心烦意乱，以至于说不出话来吗?
Something where your brain says, "Ah, rude!"
你的大脑会说:“啊，太无礼了!”
This is not just being blunt or saying things in anger.
这不仅仅是直言不讳或说气话。
It's those things that serve no purpose other than to hurt and demean others, and we don't have the Infinity Gauntlet to snap them into niceness.
这些事情除了伤害和贬低他人之外没有任何目的，我们没有“无限护手”把它们变成好东西。
So what should you do?
那么你应该怎么做呢?
Well, we're on your side and we have some comebacks that can hopefully help with diffusing that mean spark.
嗯，我们站在你这边，我们有一些反击，希望能帮助你平息那种刻薄的火花。
Number one, "hey, you seem a little upset. is everything okay?
第一，“嘿，你看起来有点不高兴。一切都还好吗?
What do you do to deal with fire? You dampen it. After the s'mores are done, of course.
你怎么处理火灾?你把它弄湿。当然是在棉花糖巧克力夹心饼干烤好之后。
And sometimes meanness is really fiery.
有时候，刻薄真的很让人恼火。
They're flaring up all over the place, setting alight anyone who comes close.
四处发火，任何靠近的人都会被点燃。
Everyone is kindling, even if you're not firing back and being normal.
每个人都在点火，即使你没有还击，表现得很正常。
Seriously, a study showed that ongoing interactions like negotiations with rude people increase the other party's rudeness thereafter.
严肃地说，一项研究表明，持续的互动，比如与粗鲁的人谈判，会增加对方的粗鲁
So this phrase is like a fire blanket. It's a dampener that discourages the spread.
这句话就像一个防火毯。它是抑制火势扩散的阻尼器。
It forces the other person to take a pause and provide insight, showing that you are listening and care, not just getting swept up in the inferno.
它迫使对方停下来，提供你的见解，表明你在倾听和关心，而不是被卷入地狱。
Benefit for you, knowing the why gives you tools and control to make a better decision like fireproofing.
对你有利的是，知道为什么会给你工具和控制来做出更好的决定，比如防火。
Number two, let's start this conversation over.
第二，我们重新开始谈话吧。
This is where the conversation started off rough then morphed into an angry, nearly incoherent battle zone.
谈话开始时粗暴无礼，然后演变成愤怒，最后变成几乎语无伦次的战场。
Many times it's because emotions grew until both sides lost empathy for each other.
很多时候，这是因为情绪的增长，直到双方都失去了对对方的同情。
All either side can see is you are not thinking of my point of view.
任何一方都能看到你没有考虑到我的观点。
In the heat of the moment, we forget this truth.
在激动的时刻，我们忘记了这个真理。
My feelings are valid and theirs are equally valid, which means we forget to consider the answer to this question, do I know or have I considered their point of view?
我的感觉是有效的，他们的感觉同样有效，这意味着我们忘记了考虑这个问题的答案，我知道或者我考虑过他们的观点吗?
So this phrase helps communicate that the entire thing might have started with a misunderstanding and you're open to a new point of view.
所以这句话有助于沟通，整个事情可能是从一个误解开始的，你愿意接受一个新的观点。
Number three, I don't allow people "to talk to me like that."
第三，我不允许别人“那样跟我说话”。
And this is you respecting yourself and the boundaries you have set.
这是你尊重你自己和你设定的界限。
This is yours and yours alone, and no one else has the right to change it or stomp on it. Some people will certainly try though.
这是你的，只属于你的，任何人都无权改变或践踏它。但有些人肯定会尝试。
You might recognize this in targeted put-downs and any comment that paint you as less than them.
你可能会在有针对性的贬低和任何把你描绘得不如他们的评论中意识到这一点。
You have no obligation to let them dictate your validity.
你没有义务让他们决定你的有效性。
This phrase is telling them that you know who you are and that using your pain to bolster themselves is not their right, nor is it acceptable.
这句话是在告诉他们，你知道你是谁，用你的痛苦来支撑自己不是他们的权利，也不能接受。
If the person is amplified meanness with no hint of growth, you have the right to walk away. You don't need that noise.
如果这个人的刻薄被放大了，没有任何增长的迹象，你有权走开。你不需要那种噪音。
Or let's just take a few minutes to calm down before it gets worse and come back to this later.
或者在事情变得更糟之前，我们花几分钟冷静下来，稍后再来讨论这个问题。
You can reword this in several ways, but you're essentially saying you've noticed that this is probably not the path you want to take and better discussion was happening before.
你可以用不同的方式重新表述这句话，但你实际上是在说，你已经注意到这可能不是你想走的路，更好的讨论之前已经发生了。
This phrase is like the reset button.
这句话就像重置按钮。
So you can hopefully reload at the save point before the conversation turned into a fight, but still have all the progress you made during the calm part of the conversation.
你可以在对话变成战斗之前重新加载保存点，但仍然保留你在对话平静部分所取得的所有进展。
Of course angling towards yourself like "I am feeling very emotional and I need to settle please" may work better, showing that you're self-aware and care about others not just pressing your point.
当然，向自己倾斜，比如“我现在情绪很激动，我需要解决问题”可能效果更好，这表明你有自知之明，关心他人，而不仅仅是坚持自己的观点。
Telling an already emotional person you need to calm down usually it does exactly the opposite.
告诉一个已经情绪激动的人你需要冷静下来，通常会适得其反。
And number five, you need to reevaluate the way you speak to people.
第五，你需要重新评估你和别人说话的方式。
Speaking of careful phrases, you may want to save this particular one for when the mean or rude person is blatantly out of line or if they ask you straight up.
说到谨慎的措辞，你可能要把这个特别的话语留到那个刻薄或粗鲁的人明显越界的时候，或者他们直截了当地问你。
Why do people react this way to me?
为什么人们对我有这种反应?
We say be careful because saying you need to can sound like an order, which could flare a defensive response, even if you're not the target.
我们说要小心，因为说你需要听起来像命令，这可能会引发防御反应，即使你不是目标。
But they're constantly spinning Venom about everyone else.
但他们一直在用"毒液"攻击其他人。
This phrase even if true may not be received well if they're not ready to hear it.
这句话即使是真的，如果他们没有准备好听，也可能不会被很好地接受。
On the other hand, it can certainly help your understanding of where and why they are the way they are.
另一方面，它当然可以帮助你理解他们在哪里以及为什么他们是这样的。
They could have a mini epiphany of, I never knew I came off that way.
他们可能会有一个小小的顿悟，我从来不知道我是这样出来的。
Or they could double down, proclaiming that everyone else is the problem, and then start hurling insults at you.
或者他们可能会变本加厉，宣称其他人都是问题所在，然后开始辱骂你。
And a rare twist, maybe you'd find yourself uncovering a situation where the person isn't being mean, but being bullied and gaslighted by those they've complained about.
一个罕见的转折是，也许你会发现自己发现了一个情况，这个人并不是刻薄，而是被他们抱怨的人欺负和激怒了。
Mean people exist but they're not all the same.
刻薄的人是存在的，但他们并不都一样。
Each of these phrases gives the person a chance to show you what they're made of.
这些话语中的每一个都给了对方一个机会向你展示他们是由什么组成的。
Are they oblivious to how they sound or is there a deeper story where you're only seeing the tip of the iceberg?
他们是否忘记了自己的声音，或者是否有更深层次的故事，而你只看到了冰山一角?
There are also those who are incapable of being courteous because they lack the capacity to care about others and take responsibility for themselves.
还有一些人没有礼貌，因为他们缺乏关心他人和为自己负责的能力。
That's not on you nor is it your responsibility to accept poor treatment.
这不是你的错，你也没有责任去接受糟糕的待遇。
You, who have done your best to give them a chance, do have the green light to walk away.
你已经尽了最大的努力给他们一个机会，你确实有离开的绿灯。
They don't get to feed on you.
他们不能以你为发泄对象。
And when everyone else does the same, the only thing we can do is hope the mean person gets a wake-up call.
当其他人都这么做的时候，我们唯一能做的就是希望那个刻薄的人能得到一个警钟。
What kind of mean people have you encountered?
你遇到过什么样的刻薄人?
How has your experience changed over time?
随着时间的推移，你的经历发生了什么变化?
If you've tried similar comebacks, what happened? Please comment and discuss.
如果你尝试过类似的反击，会发生什么? 请评论与讨论。
And we know you're not mean enough to leave us without pushing that Like button.
我们也知道你不会吝啬到不点赞就离开我们。
