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And for all those years, we never talked about the disaster at the recital or my terrible accusations afterward at the piano bench. All that remained unchecked, like a betrayal that was now unspeakable. So I never found a way to ask her why she had hoped for something so large that failure was inevitable.
后来的多年里，我们再没有谈过演奏会上的失败，没谈过我在琴凳上对她的指责。像不能泄露的背叛行为一样，所有这一切都被封存下来。我也因此没有机会问她怎么会有如此过高而注定失败的愿望。
And even worse, I never asked her about what frightened me the most: Why had she given up hope?
更糟的是，我没有问过最令我害怕的问题：她为何最终选择了放弃？
For after our struggle at the piano, she never mentioned my playing again. The lessons stopped. The lid to the piano was closed, shutting out the dust, my misery, and her dreams.
自从我们在钢琴旁的争吵后，她从未再提起过要我练琴。钢琴课停了。钢琴盖关上了，灰尘、我的痛苦和她的梦想统统被挡住了。
So she surprised me. A few years ago she offered to give me the piano, for my thirtieth birthday. I had not played in all those years. I saw the offer as a sign of forgiveness, a tremendous burden removed.
令我感到意外的是，几年前，她要把那架钢琴作为我30岁的生日礼物送给我。多年来我一直没有碰过它。所以我把赠予看作是宽恕的象征，也因此感到卸下了一个极其沉重的负担。
"Are you sure?" I asked shyly. "I mean, won't you and Dad miss it?"
“真的？”我小心地问，“我是说你和爸爸不会不舍得吧？”
"No, this is your piano," she said firmly. "Always your piano. You are the only one who can play it."
“舍得，这是你的钢琴。”她毫不含糊地说，“一直都是你的。就你会弹。”
"Well, I probably can't play anymore," I said. "It's been years."
“可是，我现在可能不会了，”我说，“很多年都没弹了。”
"You pick up fast," said my mother, as if she knew this was certain. "You have natural talent. You could be a genius if you want to."
“你捡得快，”母亲说.好像她坚信不疑，“你有天分。要是你想，你会成为天才的。”
"No, I couldn't."
“不，不可能。”
"You just not trying," my mother said. And she was neither angry nor sad. She said it as if announce a fact that could never be disproved. "Take it," she said.
“你是不努力呀母亲说。既不生气，也不伤感。她好像在宣布一个颠扑不破的事实。“搬走吧。”她说。
But I didn't at first. It was enough that she had offered it to me. And after that, everytime I saw it in my parents'living room, standing in front of the bay window, it made me feel proud, as if it were a shiny trophy that I had won back.
可是我并没有马上把它搬走。送给我已经足够了。自那以后，每次我在父母家的客厅里看见它立在向外突出的窗前，都会感到骄傲，好像它是我赢得的闪闪奖章。
