2014年8月9日雅思写作解析以及原创范文
　　Task2：
　　Some people think government should ban dangerous sports and some others think it is a freedom to choose the activities we want to. Discuss both view and give your opinion. 有人认为政府应该禁止年轻人们从事危险性的运动,有人认为人们有自由选择自己喜欢的运动方式,讨论两种观点, 给出你的意见. （2011年7月30日）
　　原创范文赏析之华丽文风版：
首段：背景介绍
　　Such is a human nature to explore and experience the unknown. A trend is that numerous people are fond of embarking on challenging sports events, such as mountain biking, rock climbing and scuba diving, especially among those dynamic young adults. Those who pursue excitement and the sense of refreshment in the dull routine daily life claim that life without risk is no life at all.（65）
　　翻译：探究和体验未知的世界是人之本性, 当下, 很多人,尤其是精力充沛的年轻人, 喜欢从事充满挑战的竞技体育项目, 例如山地自行车, 攀岩和海底潜水等。那些喜欢在枯燥的，日复一日的生活中追求刺激和新鲜的人声称, 人生没有冒险就不能称其为人生。
　　点评：首段自然开篇，没有争议焦点和写作意图，没有模版痕迹，留下想象空间。
　　语料库：
　　1.Such is a human nature to…… 做……是人之本性
　　2.embark on = undertake = take up v 从事……
　　3.dynamic = energetic adj精力充沛的
　　4.challenging adj 充满挑战性的
　　5.perilous = dangerous = risky adj 危险的
　　二段：我的口吻谈及极限运动的利好：
　　Granted, a great many virtues could be gained via undertaking those risky or demanding sports activities. Primarily, the extreme adventures can be taken as is a sort of effective way to help players relieve their pressure and relax their mood， because the occupied modern life often deprive one's right of seeking relaxation. The popularity of bungee jumping accounts for risky sports' significant function in terms of reducing stress. Imaginably, one's working or study efficiency could be highly enhanced after doing his or her favorite sports events. Moreover, not only can the extreme adventures exert wholesome impacts, but also it could foster one's skills, chasten one's tenacity and forge one's frustration toleration. Some extreme adventures，such as rock climbing and surfing， requires high techniques or much perseverance. Ultimately, the extreme adventures could be developed into tempting tourism items, which could generate immense economic value.（143）
　　翻译：的确，从事极限运动利好很多。 第一, 这是一种极佳的方式帮助运动者缓解压力, 愉悦心情, 因为紧张的现代生活已经剥夺了人们放松休闲的权利。蹦极运动的流行就解释了运动在缓解压力方面的积极作用。可以想象, 运动之后,人们的工作学习效率都会提高。另外, 极限运动不仅仅有益健康, 还能培养人的技巧, 磨砺人的坚韧性以及铸造人的挫折忍受力, 一些运动, 例如攀岩和冲浪, 就需要人有极高的技巧和毅力。 最后, 极限运动可以开发成热门的旅游项目, 创造巨大的经济价值。
　　点评： 极限运动就是运动的利好, 就是户外活动的利好, 就是体育课的利好。第一点可以从健康缓解压力的角度展开。第二点论及到精神成面，用三剑客短语才艺展示一下。第三个论据可以上升到旅游经济。
　　语料库：
　　1.accounts for v解释了……
　　2.in terms of adv 在……方面
　　3.deprive one's right of …… v剥夺某人……的权利
　　4.the extreme adventures n极限运动
　　5.exert wholesome impacts v有益健康
　　6.foster one's skills, chasten one's tenacity and forge one's frustration toleration v培养人的技巧，磨砺人的坚韧性以及铸造人的挫折忍受力。
　　三段：谈及极限运动的弊端：
　　Nonetheless, problems invariably ensue. One possible downside is that some perilous sports activities might become the roots of injuries and agonies. There exist high levels of injuries, which sometimes disable players and even ruin their whole lives. Another adverse aspect is that some intense extreme sports are merely an excuse for violence. To illustrate, boxing involves excessive violence and bloody contents so that it imposes adverse impact on adolescent TV viewers, namely, it might arouse their sadistic impulse.（78）
　　翻译：然而, 问题随之而来。第一， 危险性极高的运动可能会导致意外受伤和痛苦。这些意外有可能导致人的残疾或者毁掉人的一生。第二， 一些剧烈的极端运动会成为暴力的借口。例如, 拳击比赛含有太多的暴力和血腥, 对于年轻人有不良的影响, 例如诱发他们的施虐冲动。
　　点评：弊端写成出两点, 理性客观. 模版个性化,路标词汇清晰，行文有亮点.
　　语料库：
　　1.problems invariably ensue 问题随之发生
　　2.disable players v导致运动者残疾
　　3.imposes adverse impact on …… v施加了不良影响
　　4.namely adv即是说
　　5.It might arouse their sadistic impulse 引起他们施虐冲动
　　总结：亮明观点
　　Personally, I encourage the extreme adventures, for it is a symbol of freedom, so it is citizens' elementary right to opt for his or her favorite sports activities. Efforts should be made to ensure risky sports events are thrilling, amusing and profit-making, however, to prevent accident and injury is highly recommended. （52）
　　翻译：个人而言, 我十分鼓励极限运动，这是自由的象征，这是公民的基本权利选择自己喜欢的运动。我们应该努力保证运动的刺激，有趣和盈利，但是, 采取措施去预防受伤和意外又是高度推荐的。
　　点评：尾段亮明立场，针对弊端再提出解决策略，观点无懈可击。
　　语料库：
　　1.efforts should be made to …… 我们应该努力做……
　　2.are thrilling, amusing and profit-making adj 刺激的，有趣的和盈利的。
　　3.opt for his or her favorite sports activities v选择喜欢的运动
　　全文点评： 文无定法，原创范文只是雅思范文写作之一种。本文自然开篇，摒弃常规写法，主题留有悬念。主体段落自然论证极限运动的利弊，尾段亮明立场，针对弊端再提出解决策略，观点无懈可击。全文约280字，刚好在40分钟可以完成。自我评分这篇文章会7.5分以上。
　　原创范文赏析之朴素文风版：
　　Some people think government should ban dangerous sports and some others think it is a freedom to choose the activities we want to. Discuss both view and give your opinion. 有人认为政府应该禁止年轻人们从事危险性的运动,有人认为人们有自由选择自己喜欢的运动方式,讨论两种观点, 给出你的意见. （2011年7月30日）
　　作家立场：反对极限运动
　　布局图：
　　首段：背景介绍 + 争议焦点 +　作家立场
　　二段：第一次支持主题观点的论据以及细节展开
　　三段：第二次支持主题观点的论据以及细节展开
　　四段：谈及不同意的观点的合理性 + 加以反驳
　　尾段：再次亮明观点+总结理由
　　原创范文：
　　首段：背景介绍 + 争议焦点 +　作家立场
　　Such is human nature to look for the sense of excitement and experience the unknown that is why some people, especially youngsters, are fond of taking up some risky sports such as bungee jumping or deep-sea diving. Although it is the basic right of every individual to choose their favorite sports activities, some highly dangerous sports events should be discouraged. (60)
　　翻译：追求刺激，体验未知是之人本性，也就解释了为何很多人，尤其是年轻人，喜欢从事一些例如蹦极或者深海潜水类的极限运动。经管选择喜爱的竞技体育项目是人之本性，我认为不应该从事一些危险性高的体育运动。
　　二段：第一次支持作家立场：
　　I first turn to my personal experience to prove my view. The chances of getting hurt will increase if we get involved in some dangerous sports activities without some proper and enough protection measures. This debate reminds me of a trip to Bing Yugou. So attractive was the sky jumping there that a lot of teenagers dared to give it try. Unfortunately, instead of tasting the excitement, one of my peers unexpectedly got injured because the protection equipment was out of control， therefore, it was a nightmare to see people of my age risk getting hurt in the hope of challenging himself. （103）
　　翻译：第一，我个人的经历就可以证明我的立场，我们如果从事一些危险性的运动，没有适当保护措施，很容易受到伤害。这个话题使我想起了一次去冰峪沟的旅行经历，高空蹦极很吸引人，很多年轻人大胆尝试，不幸的是，我的一个同龄人意外受伤，因为保护设备出现故障，因此，看到年轻人因为挑战自己，追求刺激而受伤真是可怕的事情。
　　二段：第二次支持作家立场：
　　To be sure, to pursue private interests and enjoy fresh leisure activities is what many of us desire to do. However, some sports events containing violent elements might, sometimes, become an excuse of passing on violence. Boxing match is a good case in point. I can never accept the cruel and bloody scene when seeing a boxer is bitterly beaten up by his rival. It can be imagined that some inexperienced and immature teenagers might be misguided. It is highly possible that they might take it for granted that violence is the best way to solve the problem. In this sense, dangerous sports events might lead to school bullying or teenage crime. (112)
　　翻译：诚然，追求兴趣，享受乐趣是我们渴望的，但是，一些含有暴力元素的竞技体育项目有时候会成为宣扬暴力的借口。拳击比赛就是很好的例证。看到拳手被对手痛击，我是无法接受这样血腥暴力的场景。可以想象，年轻人经验不足，又不成熟，他们很容易被误导，他们会想当然地认为暴力是最佳的解决问题的途径，因此，危险性高的竞技体育运动可能会导致校园欺凌或是少年犯罪。
　　三段：谈及不同意的观点的合理性，再加以反驳：
　　Some people, however, might remain suspicious of my standpoint. After all, every individual needs to have a unique approach to get relaxed and savor pleasure. An argument might be hold by some people is that a man with great courage is supposed to dare to constantly try and experience new things including those adventurous sports events. However, I want to argue that we can never seek excitement at the cost of suffering from injury or pain. (76)
　　翻译：有些人也许怀疑我的立场，毕竟，每人都有自己独特的方式来放松自己，品味快乐。有人也许认为，有勇气的人应该敢于不断自我尝试，体验新鲜事物，包括一些危险的运动。但是，为了追求刺激而受伤害太不值得。
　　尾段：再次亮明观点 + 总结理由
　　In the final analysis, my would like to stress my view that it is a hasty proposal to allow and encourage dangerous sports activities because those who dive into those adventures might get hurt, meanwhile，some risky sports activities might become the excuse of popularizing violence. (46)
　　翻译：总之，我再次强调我的立场，允许和鼓励危险性的运动是很草率的建议，因为那些从事冒险活动的人也许会受伤，同时，一些危险性的运动会成为暴力传播的借口。
　　全文点评：和华丽文风版形成对比的是，朴素版极限运动的创作所用词汇皆来自高中3500词汇。两个版本，一是支持极限运动，二是反对极限运动。文无定法，只要论证有力，可以自圆其说，观点无所谓对错。即使高中生使用简洁词汇，有限句法，也可创作出主题明确，逻辑清晰，论证饱满，句型变化的高分作文。