张真·《流产》

天光晃着晃着

你在那边美丽地形成

唯唯诺诺像一只小鸡

我的小鸡

你幸免灭顶之灾

不将存在的那根脐带

转而使我悲戚

在已臆想好的关系里

母与子

我与你

我已磨好了刀

血在天花板上喷出斑斓花纹

一双细足倒提着

那就是我的爱

你该是金黄色的

辉煌像一只鼎

但也难说你会是漆黑一片

把我的窗户涂没

谢天谢地

为这一次和解我要喝醉

那也是我的恨

我长久地内望子宫

你莫须有的存在

我艰辛地翻山越岭

在睡眠中与你竞走

最终是我得救

如今我为你招魂

用怎样一种语言

你蜷伏我膝头聆听

而我没有任何寓言

你的母亲只有很多秘密

你就是其中一个

现在走在这葬仪的队首

我一身鲜红

为你而执一捧罂粟花如火

你的兄弟姐妹都会被告知

你是长子你先于一切

而且你比谁都美

因此我为你骄傲

回到家中一如既往

蹒跚在窗帘帷幔之间

我思念你不可知的形象

烛火弥漫你奇异的气味

你生来不属于我

出门前对着镜子整装时

却见到你与我同在

Abortion-Zhang Zhen

The light of day is shimmering, shimmering

And there you are, perfectly formed

As meek and docile as a baby bird

My little bird

You narrowly escaped total disaster

But now the umbilical cord that will never exist

Has made me sad


In the imagined relationship

Of mother and son

Myself and you

I had already sharpened the knife

Blood had sprayed gorgeous patterns on the ceiling

A pair of tiny feet hoisted upside down


That was my love

You should have been a golden child

Resplendent as a sacred cauldron

Yet for all I know you could have been a blackness

Blotting out my windows

Thank heavens for this reconciliation

I shall get drunk


That was also my hatred

For a long time I had peered into the womb

At your unnecessary existence

With great difficulty I crossed mountain after mountain

Running a foot-race with you in my sleep

In the end I was all the one to be rescued


Now I call on your soul to return

Whatever language I use

You curl up in my lap to listen

But I have no parables for you

Your mother has only a lot of secrets

And you are one of them


Walking now at the head of the funeral procession

I am dressed all in crimson

Holding poppies for you like flames

Your brother and sisters will all be told

That you were the eldest son, the first,

And were handsomer than any of them

And so I am proud of you


Returning home, I walk haltingly as before

To and fro between draperies and curtains

Longing for your unknown form

Candlelight fills the air with your curious scent

From birth you were destined not to belong to me

But as I stand before the mirror about to leave the house

I see you there with me


（Naikan Tao and Tony Prince 译）