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Rules to Give to Your Boss
给你老板的规定
Rules for Work (Should go over well with your boss.)
工作条例（应得到老板的赞许）
Print it out and hang it over your workstation...
把它打印出来张贴在办公室里。
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
1. 不要在早上给我布置工作。要等到下午4点钟再说，挑战最后期限的工作才有意思。
2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
2. 如果这是一份紧急工作，就每10分钟跑进来打断我问一下进展。这很有帮助的。或者可以更甚，就在我身后转悠，我每干点儿什么就提点儿建议。
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
3. 你要出去时，不要告诉任何人。这样，有人问起你时，我的回答就可以很有创意。
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
4. 如果我手上抱满了纸张、盒子、书本或是办公用品，不要帮我开门。我该学学像残疾人一样生活。不用手开门就是很好的训练，这样，万一我受伤失去手臂就没问题了。
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
5. 如果你一次交代给我几件事做，不要告诉我哪件更重要，我有心灵感应。
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
6. 尽你所能让我加班吧。我热爱这间公司，而且我真的没地方可去也没事可做。工作就是我生活的全部。
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
7. 如果我的工作做得让你满意，不要说出来。如果说出来，就意味着要提升我了。
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
8. 如果我的工作做得让你不满意，就说出来吧。我喜欢同事们谈论我，我生来就是挨批的。
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
9. 如果你对某项工作有特别的指示，不要写给我。就留到工作快要做完时再对我说吧。没必要用些有用的信息来困惑我。
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
10. 不要把我介绍给和你在一起的人，我没有权利知道任何事情。在公司组织中，我处于最底层。今后，你再提到他们时，我自然会敏锐地推导出谁是谁。
11. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
11. 把你遇到的小问题都告诉我。知道有人不那么幸运的感觉很好。我尤其喜欢听那段，就是关于你这个成功的经理要为你拿到的大笔红利缴纳高额税费。
12. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
12. 到我该做年终总结时再告诉我本年度的目标是什么。给我一个不好不坏的评定，还有提高一点儿生活费用，毕竟我在这儿工作不是为了赚钱的。
