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The Edge--Kathleen Louise Smiley
The night before I left for Israel was spent in the same kind of conversations that had filled the previous week. "But why Israel?" my father would ask, in the same tone he used when he asked "Why China?" or "Why Russia?" or "why" any other country I had announced I wanted to visit. "There's war over there, you know," he would add. "Yes, Dad, I know. There are wars everywhere," I would answer. He would ask why I insisted on going to such dangerous places. Finally, I would hear the words I've heard all my life: "Well, you've never listened to me before. Why should I think you'd listen now?" In typical fashion, he would close his eyes, heave a long sigh and shake his head.
在我去以色列的前一天晚上，我与父亲进行了一场对话，同样的对话贯穿了整个上周。
“但是，为什么去以色列呢？”我父亲问。这种口吻，就像问“问什么去中国？”、“为什么去俄罗斯”或“为什么”去其他任何我宣布要去的国家时一样。
“你知道的，那里有战争。”他补充说。
“是的，爸爸，我知道。但是到处都有战争。”我回答说。
他会问我为什么坚持去这么危险的地方。
最后，我会听到我一辈子都能听到的话：
“好吧，你从来都没听过我的话，我怎么能相信你这次会听呢？”像往常那样，他闭上眼，长叹一口气，摇了摇头。
When these "discussions" took place, my sister, Kristy, would always try to diffuse the tension. Although she realized long ago that it would never work, she' d try just the same. "Kath, " she' d suggest, "why don' t you go to England for summer school. It's not dangerous there. " But as always, she didn't understand. None of my family has ever really understood me. I've never fit my family' s idea of the way I should live my life. England was not exciting enough. I wanted to go somewhere and experience something different. My soul has always been restless to venture into unknown places. My mother has always said that I have "gypsy" in my blood.
每次遇到这种“谈话”，我的妹妹克里斯蒂总想试图缓和这种紧张气氛。然而，很早以前她就意识到这根本没用。她总是这样建议道：“凯思，为什么不去英格兰上暑期班呢？那里没有危险。”但是像往常那样，她是不理解的。我的家人中没有人真正理解我。我从来没有按照我家人想的那样生活，英格兰不是很精彩，我想去一些地方体验不同的东西，我的内心总是不安分，渴望去未知的地方冒险。我的母亲总说我的血管里流淌着吉普赛人的血。
My sister and I are three and a half years apart in age, but a world apart in the way we live our lives. She is conservative and quiet. I take too many risks, and the only time I'm really quiet is when I'm asleep. I've spent most of my adult life apologizing to my sister and the rest of my family for being different, for embarrassing them by something I wear, something I do or something I say.
